Family day...Memories

Matteo and I spent our first family day together....we did not do anything out of the ordinary other than spend the day together and then take a long walk...though it was very cold, Matteo managed to fall asleep in the carriage. I enjoyed just being together and on our walk I found myself thinking back to the moment where at least for me I felt I bonded with Matteo. Of course bonding is ongoing; however for me there was a pivotal moment when I absolutely felt I was Matteo's mother. My social worker always said bonding is like velcro, both sides have to have a certain something to be able to bond...it isn't all the work of the parent nor all the work of the child but very important for both sides to be involved. Anyhow I found myself thinking of that moment and wanted to make sure to record it here so that one day Matteo will know the moment I became in absolutely every ounce of my being his mother.

It happened on our trip back to Canada from Vietnam. I have been wanting to record that "adventure" so will do that here. As some of you know I was traveling alone and was feeling very nervous about that. I was not worried about the flight part so much but really I was worried about luggage, lines, customs etc. A couple of days before our return flights home, our great agency rep L. came by my hotel room to give me Matteo's Vietnamese passport as well as the final adoption documents. We had a great chat and visit at the end of which she explained what I should expect when I was going through customs both in Vietnam and in Hong Kong etc....these details made me even more nervous as I always feel guilty going through customs....so this added to the other nervousness made for a sort of sleepless night before leaving.

The next morning we headed off to the airport with the courtesy van that the hotel provided for us and the driver was wonderful, helping with the luggage and then making sure to direct me to the next person to help...unfortunately when I got to the Cathay line, it was long, and I had to push both a luggage trolly and a baby carriage and also pick up Matteo occasionally as he got very restless being in the carriage for a long time...it was only when I got close to the front that the agents realized I had a baby and then had me move up to the front of the line. The agents were then quite good to get me processed etc.. We had been waiting over 40 minutes and the drive to the airport was a bit long with all the traffic etc...so I wanted to get to a washroom to refresh and also check Matteo's diaper....I was (wrongly) told that the washrooms were just past the security gate etc...well before being able to get through the security gate, there was another line up and this time I had only a carriage, a crying baby, and my carryon luggage, yet it was trying....people cut in front of me and the line seemed unending and Matteo had to be picked up as everything we had had to be put through the xray screening..

......then we had to walk and walk and walk ...finally I saw a sign that told me that we still had to go through customs...so there again there were other lines...fortunately one of the agents motioned me to go to the front of the line because I had a baby....As I waiting, a feeling rose inside of me that I didn't recognize. I was asked to approach the agent and as L. had told me I gave him the passports required. He looked at Matteo's two passports, said his name out loud, looked at me, looked back at the passports. He looked back at the line, motioned the next person to come forward and had us wait. I was tired, hot, frustrated and picked up Matteo who again was also restless. We waited and watched. I stared at him and my stare was the magic moment when I became Matteo's mother in all ways possible. I felt like a lion protecting her young. My stare said, "you'd better not mess with me, just stamp those passports and let us get on our way home. " While L. did tell me that if they asked that I should show them my adoption documents to account for the fact that I was traveling with a baby that didn't have my last name but in that moment I felt no fear or nervousness only a protective instinct for my son. The agent looked back at me again. I was still holding Matteo and he then looked back at the passports, paused, and then stamped them and handed them to me. I remember feeling strong, sure, and confident. I became Matteo's mother and that feeling has only grown as I have continued to learn about myself as his mother. The rest of our trip was not smooth but no other moment matches that moment in front of Vietnamese customs.

Our international flight, as the fotos below show, had Matteo sleeping soundly in his bassinet for most of the flight (minus of course the many times I had to pick him up and fasten our seat belts), however the last 40 minutes of our descent and the whole trip to Ottawa, Matteo was screaming...I think his ears were probably popping as were mine, and there was nothing I tried that could help him...so that was very very hard. Otherwise Matteo was great and we travelled well together. I definitely brought too much carryon luggage, should have brought premixed formula, and needed only one change of clothes for Matteo and not 3 and fewer diapers!!....so though I usually travel light and with little luggage, learning how to travel with a baby is new. Matteo and I may be getting another chance to travel together later in the spring, this time to Italy, Venice to be exact....hoping the lessons I learned from our first travelling experience will help with the next international trip too!!....