"I love you like crazy cakes"

I started this post a couple of weeks ago but never finished it so will try to restart it here and hopefully post it before the day is out. It has been a challenging week. Matteo celebrated 11 months a week ago but I have not been able to do the usual candles and dessert to celebrate. Still hope I will be able to, however his 1 year birthday is also just around the corner too!.

Matteo's godmother Isa (my dearest childhood friend) had to go back into the hospital again to have another operation that cut into her head....as I mentioned in a previous post, she had a tumour removed which thankfully was benign, however something was damaged as the result of the surgery and /or caused by the tumour. They tried to fix it without surgery but were not very hopeful so the surgery was done again 3.5 weeks after the first one. It was a very difficult week, lots of pain, nausea, vomiting....I visited with her as often as I could at the hospital and was grateful that one of Matteo's babysitters was available. Additionally I started work on a contract that required some attention so all I managed to do was make sure Matteo's needs were met, visit with Isa, get the contract started and try to get some groceries inbetween.

Today is mother's day and somehow it is less important than the fact that Matteo has been with me for all this time, that Isa isa doing much much much better and they feel the second surgery fixed the problem. I am missing my mom but somehow feel she is more alive now that I am a mom too and don't miss her as much as I did last year. So perhaps that is the most special thing about mother's day that in a spiritual sense it has brought me even closer to my mom.

There is another mother that I have been thinking a lot more about for a while now...and it was the reason I began the earlier post related to this children's book "I love you like crazy cakes." As Matteo's personality blossoms more and more I am filled with awe and love and also sadness. I have had nothing to do with his personality and I wonder what his birthparents were like. They I hope would be overjoyed to see how well he is doing but I'm sure sad like I am that they could not be in his life. One day perhaps Matteo will meet them and perhaps understand things about his personality and traits that I do not share. I feel so blessed that he is my son and that he is doing so well in so many ways. Everytime I read "I love you like crazy cakes" (and I do it often) I always subsitute boy for girl and Vietnam for China, but when I get to the part that says....

"I held you tightly, kissed you softly, and cried. The tears were for your Vietnamese mother, who could not keep you. I wanted her to know that we would always remember her. And I hoped somehow that she knew you were safe and happy in the world."

I always cry too and moreso lately and especially today. So Happy Mother's day especially to Matteo's birth mother wherever you are. Your gift of choice has given me the greatest gift in my life. I pray that you are safe and happy in the world and know that I will continue to love and cherish and care for Matteo to the best of my ability. We will always remember you as we will always remember my own mother who is also only with us in spirit. Ngay cua Me