We had a lovely time yesterday meeting some new single parents as well as some familiar faces. This is the Ottawa group for singles that I've mentioned before, singles who have or are in the process of adopting. I believe there is one male in the group but he wasn't there yesterday. I have only been to a few events but continue to try to participate. Yesterday it turned out that there were six moms with their children. I pulled out my camera at one point but never took any photos!! Too much talking and chasing Matteo!!..but also will need to get permission to see if I can post photos with other children. We had an international community represented. Matteo was the youngest from Vietnam, and then there was one little girl from Ethiopia, I think she's 5, another from India, who will be 7 soon, and one from Kazakhstan, who was 18 months old, and a little boy from the US, (I think) who will turn 3 soon, and another little aboriginal boy from Canada who was 2. The time always seems to go very quickly at these events, but we made the most of it....and the host K. lives right across the street from a park so the party transferred there after everyone had something to eat and the children had extra energy to be used up. Matteo had a couple of swings on the swings and some exploring in the sand, and we then said our goodbyes. Matteo fell asleep almost immediately in the car...it was 6:30 or so....he is usually in bed and asleep by 7-7:15 these days....when we got home he transferred easily to bed, with a diaper change and his bottle and was asleep again in no time.
Anyhow we are looking forward to our next event this afternoon. For now I'm added some a couple of photos of Matteo playing in our kitchen.
I find it so sad that the Ottawa adoption community feels the need to segregate itself like this. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you had fun! I just think it's unfortunate that so many adoptive families are defining themselves by what specific roles the adults in their child's life are playing, to the point where they would limit their socializing only to families that are just like them.
ReplyDeleteHi Samantha, I'm not sure I understand what you mean? The families are not limiting the socializing of their children to only children with single parents...this is only one such group of single parents supporting other single parents....?? The Ottawa group that exists for only families of children from Vietnam is also limiting their socializing too??....but both groups socialize with many others??....so again not sure if I understand your message. I think it is great that this group brings together children adopted from all over in addition to helping single parents support each other???
ReplyDeleteIf you are setting limits on who you invite to your home (this group is only for singles) you are limiting your socializing... obviously neither you nor I do this!
ReplyDeleteI guess it's just impossible for me to understand, not being a single adoptive parent, why that group needs its own label and support. I just think families are families. We don't have adoption groups for 2-parent families only, or for tall parents only, or for poor parents only,(can you guess who I'm describing ha ha) so why do we need them for single parents only?
Hi Samantha, I think if you disagree with this you should also question why groups are formed only for those children from Vietnam etc....why is that organized in the way that it is. Well for one reason, out of this group we are hoping to organize a babysitting exchange. Not having partners and having to financially deal with babysitting costs, this is one area that is specific to singles?? so I think you are shortsighted in assuming this group only socializes with other singles etc?? Each have families, sibblings, other friends etc....so I see it no differently. If you don't want the adoption community to limit itself then the ottawa listserv for those who adopted from Vietnam should be changed to those who have adopted, period?? and yet that is a valuable network both for children and families with similar experiences. and yes perhaps you don't understand precisely because you aren't a single parent????
ReplyDeleteHi Samantha, I wanted to add....you realize that singles are discriminated against even from many adoption possibilities....so there are a number of issues where singles supporting each other is important....sadly I wish as you say, that families are families, but unfortunately not all families are treated the same, so I hope you don't begrudge those trying to help each other under certain circumstances....??
ReplyDeleteYes, you are right, it's impossible for me to understand! I am trying to, and as usual am so glad to have a friend like you who speaks her mind and is open to the thoughts and opinions of others. And I don't begrudge you single folk - just hope you understand how hurtful it feels to be excluded for being who we are. An adoption group based on heritage is very different, I don't see the connection, but even then other families would be welcome if interested, as we would have more in common then not.
ReplyDeleteIf it's a financial issue, I assure you there are many couples out there making less than some singles. Also babysitting issues aren't limited to singles and a babysitting exchange would only be enhanced by more available adults in the pool, wouldn't it?
Getting tips from others in the same circumstances - yes I get that. But again, I don't see why that wouldn't work in a mixed group. I repeat - I obviously have no idea because I'm not in the same position! My life with a stay-at-home partner is very different from someone where both parents work; different again from a working single parent, different from a single parent who works part time at home, different again from a 2-parent home where one parent is out of the country a lot. We all make vastly different amounts of money and we would all be treated very differently by adoption agencies.
Anyway, I am glad you enjoy the group, and sorry for hijacking your blog - it's nice to have support, I wouldn't want to begrudge you that! Just jealous I guess!
Hi Samantha, you haven't hi-jacked the blog...this is what it is meant for. As for the babysitting group, it will be organized as a yahoo listserv so you can join if you want, I'm sure you would not be forbidden, but the idea is that we would do free babysitting for each other and that most couples have each other to babysit on those occasions to do groceries and /or night's out etc....so we would watch the other child for free and likewise someone would do the same for us??...so not sure if you are open or interested in that, as you have a partner available so hence why the singles don't think that two parent families are interested in an exhange....
ReplyDelete...as for your other comments, well as to you feeling hurt that you aren't included in the single gatherings...well I'm sorry for that, however maybe you can think of it like the professional development days we have for teachers...not sure how it is run in the elementary panel, but for high schools one of the days in the fall has all high school teachers together and the winter one has the professional day organized by subjects....so math teachers with math teachers, gym with gym,etc. to commiserate on specific issues to specific groups....so this is the same. All the singles do their own socializing that is not limited by parental status but occasionally we feel the need to get together, like the math teachers, to talk about more specific issues.....Anyhow if and when I am able to host one of these single events, I will invite you to join us too!! xox