Matteo is 2 months old today....

...no other news than this important detail!!

Here are the celebratory treats to celebrate Matteo's two month birthday......two sesame seed balls with lotus paste purchased at Kowloon market in Chinatown...I'm sure you can guess what our wish is....

More paperwork completed...

Just a small update, this week the extension letter on the homestudy was sent by the social worker after we had a telephone conference, so it turned into a bit of an update. I also signed the inital forms to accept Matteo's referral, which will be sent to Vietnam. Additionally have lined up doctors to explain the details of the medical once it comes in. You only need one doctor's involvement; however, one doctor is available now, and the other one August 3rd...as am trying to accommodate holidays...not mine, but theirs. Will have to have a doctor's consult before the official acceptance form is signed with the social worker and this will be sent to the Ministry of children....for that wonderful "Letter of No-objection"....and am also juggling my social worker's holidays too.....expect to receive some additional paperwork from the agency this week,...the crib will go up tomorrow and am working on getting the house baby ready too.........I know I've been told the waiting between referral and travel is even harder than the wait before; however, so far, I am enjoying this stage knowing there is a little boy waiting for me!!...I've been busy with end of term work, dealing with renovations, and paperwork for Matteo, so perhaps have not had a chance for the reality of the awful wait to set in...but for now am enjoying this stage.... the smile is still on my lips and my heart still feels lighter as I can now start to visualize a future with Matteo....

Citizenship Extension Part 2 granted...

Today in the mail I received the extension on my file for Matteo's citizenship. They have extended the file until October 31, 2011, though of course I sure hope I have him home way before then!!

Final paper chase begins....

....well I think the reality is setting in that I am a mom and that a little boy is waiting for me...it has been a busy week in many ways...in addition to the news sinking in and the smile that was on my face and in my heart all week, it has been busy for other reasons too.....the demolition of the old veranda began this week and I look forward to a new veranda soon......also mid term grades were due yesterday so lots of marking....also a dear childhood friend of mine is dealing with the illness of her father and some sad news as to how much the cancer has spread...When I told her the news of Matteo during what she was going through, she was happy for me and said that this is the circle of life, we deal with death and birth every day.....and while she too wished that her dad wasn't ill, she was still very happy about Matteo...she too is a single mom of a little boy and when she showed her son a photograph of Matteo he was unimpressed until she told him it was a boy and then he got excited....!! He hopes a future playmate for him and I hope that too. Additionally there are other playmates waiting for Matteo here in the neighbourhool. Samantha shared some lovely comments by her little boys, Max and Vanh that are quite precious and sweet!!..I am reposting that here....when she showed them his photo they said "Teo, Teo, baby Teo" and when Samantha tried to close the book, Max said, "More Teo" so she opened it up again. They also added Teo to their goodnight list. Thanks Samantha and look forward to our boys' becoming lifelong friends...

Anyhow as for an update on Matteo coming home. I have been making phonecalls to line up a doctor to be able to review the medicals with me, once they come in. In Ontario this is a requirement before the proposal can be officially accepted. My family doctor who will be Matteo's doctor too, would have done this but she is about to head out on holidays in 10 days and I probably won't have the medicals by then, so have contacted an adoption doctor in Edmonton and one in Toronto, who do this consultation first by email and then with a phone call consultation. The Doctor in Edmonton is away now and will be back on August 3....so hopefully when I get the medicals either the Edmonton or Toronto can help. This is not covered by OHIP so will be an additional fee. Then I will have a home visit with my social worker for the letter of acceptance which will be sent to the ministry for them to issue that letter of no objection to the adoption. Anyhow while I was doing that, I did get cc'd on a message from the agency to my social worker and they asked her to write and request an extension to my homestudy that expires at the end of September. I was a bit surprised as I thought once a referral is received the homestudy is fine. While this is not an update to the homestudy, that is more complicated, it is different than requesting an extension...I hope it just means that when I'm in Vietnam, I need my homestudy to still be active, date wise???....Anyhow so that is where we're at. My social worker has been in touch and she wants to conference with me by phone on Saturday afternoon so that she can then send the request for an extension.........so more paperwork as I expected but did not expect the extension being necessary....so that is where I am at with my journey to Matteo.....what is wonderful about this stage though is that there is not an abstract idea of a baby but instead a real baby Matteo waiting....

On a positive note, there are two socials this weekend, one on Saturday which is an adoption gathering and the second one on Sunday, a birthday party for Max and Vanh who turn two but also for Van and Ben who are also turning two....and I think there are other birthdays being celebrated too....all were adopted from Vietnam...looking forward to both of those!! and pray that next year Matteo will be with me at these events too!!

TDH Vung Tau 3 Fund raiser and Delivery

Recently my agency had a fundraiser for Vung Tau 3. Here are some photos of Dorinda, delivering the items to the orphanage

TDH message about Referrals without medicals

"SVP souvenez bien que personne n'est obligée à accepter un enfant sans médical. Il y a des orphelinats (5) qui ne demandent pas ça, et vous pouvez opter pour ces orphelinats. Je trouve que c'est un moyen d'augmenter le nombre de propositions pour tout le monde, parce que si nous refusons, les enfants seront offerts aux autres agences des pays qui acceptent les enfants immédiatement.

Dorinda"

...how I got the referral....and some reflections..

...managed to get a very good night's sleep last night after the sleepless night of waiting for pictures of Matteo....now I begin the wait for the medical. An "official" referral can't take place until the medical is received, seen, understood and then acceptance is formalized with the social worker and then with the Ministry of Children here in Ontario, which I believe then issues a letter of no objection to the Adoption and then this gets sent to Vietnam where some additional paper work is done. Additionally in Vietnam another process kicks in whereby they need to do Police checks etc...to make sure that this child has no family or noone in Vietnam who is willing to take responsibility for him. I know that, as I've said to a few of you, and those in the adoption community know, that sometimes there are failed referrals for all kinds of reasons etc....so until the G&R ceremony in Vietnam, I will still be holding my breath.....but at the same time enjoying all the wonderful feelings of anticipation, fear, excitement, wonder, hope, anxiety, joy, sadness, and love....

A few of you have asked what I felt when I first saw the photos...well I think, again I held my breath and looked at him without breathing....I started to cry, both because of joy but I quickly felt sad that anyone would have to be in a position to give him up so of course I was thinking of the birth mother and wondering about her circumstances that made her make this decision that for her must have been terrible, and on the other hand, that decision is why I have been given this gift...I hope I learn more about the circumstances of why and how Matteo has now become my son ( I can't imagine him not being my son)....so will wait and hope to get that information in time....anyhow after these thoughts, of course as many of you have stated, I blew up the photos as large as I could on my computer and studied every inch of him....and of course noticed his 'barbie' t-shirt....I remember thinking, this will be a good story to tell him and how even at a young age he believed in equality...that his gender socialization allowed for a boy to dress in what we might think are girl clothes....but of course I know this is probably more of a reflection of his social class, perhaps his family had only these clothes because maybe there was another girl in the family....etc etc...as you can appreciate the unkown, allows for much speculation but none of it is valid until I get more info...
... As for the referral...it seems that there have been a few referrals this week after a mostly dry spring of few to no referrals...so I am happy to have this to share with other expectant parents....

Anyhow as to Friday and referral day.....as you may recall the day before when I received the phonecall and my cell was dying...well Thursday in anticipation, I forgot to charge my battery (as you can imagine I don't so my cell phone often)...so on Friday, while I could have called in to get my messages, it was such a busy day and we had a staff meeting at lunch such that there was no time and I knew I could deal with this when I got home....well I got home a bit later as a few students stayed behind to ask questions on an assignment that is due on Monday and I got home later than planned and indeed there was a message from D. waiting for me (she had called at 9:30), asking me to call her in the Montreal office. I called...and was told that she had "left for the day"....I think I mumbled something like "ohh no, does this mean I'll have to wait until Monday....and then something like "I'm close to getting some good news, is there any way to reach her"....the person on the phone said he would try to call her at home and my sinking heart had a bit of a lift. I thanked him so much but after I hung up stood there thinking ...how am I going to make it through the weekend!. and then the phone rang...it was D. calling me from her cell, in her car, on her way home.....and she told me that she had a referral for me....my conversation with her is a bit of a blurr...I do remember saying to her, after she said she had a referral...that I said I should sit down for this and then she gave me a few details....with my shaking hand I wrote his name down and then wasn't sure I got it right...and then she told me that she would send photos....I think I asked about the social worker and she stated that none of the paperwork can be processed without the medical....so that I could wait but that she would tell her colleague that they could proceed....she asked about travel as this was an issue we had discussed early and I told her that I was working things out for the fall so that I could be flexible and travel whenever they say it is fine to go and pick up my little boy..I think I thanked her quite a few times......after I got off the phone I cried. After pulling myself together I called each of my three sisters and told them the news first as they were going to be aunts once again......and of course then I shared the news with other family and close friends......

It has been wonderful to have so much support as it has been a lonnnnnnnnnnngggg journey thus far...many in the adoption community have continued to offer encouragement along the way, and now lovely comments on Matteo's photo....and so generous of friends to already share in my joy by offering to help.....one friend said she will start working on Matteo's special quilt...another said she wanted me to have one of her son's snowsuits which would be perfect for Matteo, another said she'd be willing to come to travel to Vietnam and be my photographer of the adoption and another friend wished his circumstances were different so that he too could accompany me to pick up Matteo.... Grazie A. B. R. and D....many others have offered to pray for us and have blessed us with their thoughts.....as well one of my sisters asked about a shower, when we could plan that....so so so nice to know that Matteo has so many people that are already looking after his needs. While I know I will be his mommy, I also know that he will never belong to me but instead is a child of God and I am being given both the responsibility and joy of loving him, nurturing him and helping him to grow, make and find his place in this vast and wonderfully complicated world we live in....and for that I have much gratitude....

I have always loved the poetry of Khalil Gibran....and I have been thinking about this poem through some of the waiting and have been thinking about it alot since yesterday and will end with reposting it here.....

On Children by Kahlil Gibran (1923)

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.