Happy New Year, Chuc Mung Nam Moi, Felice Anno Nuovo!

For all, here's hoping 2015 is memorable in many incredible ways!

Highlights of the holiday…...

I love the National Gallery. It is always a place I used to go to to spend a few hours wandering through the galleries, some very quiet spaces.  I have gone with Matteo but of course, not as often.  I hoped we would get a chance to go to see their big Christmas tree. We were invited to the Tree lighting but couldn't make it but after seeing this lovely tree, we decided that with next year's invitation we definitely want to see it lit up. Matteo, like his mommy, loves Christmas trees!!  I

 also especially love the large spider sculpture titled Maman that graces the front entrance. I remember visiting many times during the long wait for Matteo wondering if ever I would become a mommy…and of course this time, wondered if I would be blessed again to be another child's mommy. 

We had a good time for the most part, though Matteo was tired.  I'm glad we went and hope to go more often if we can. We threw some coins in one of the fountains and made some special wishes!!

….anyhow the other photos are of our gingerbread house decorating and then of course, our new kittens. The bonding is definitely going very well with us and especially Matteo. We're still working on the other cats though. 

For now, our holiday has been quiet, a bit more difficult than I would have liked, considering that I had visions of two children this Christmas, but it has been going as well for the most part. I hope the same for all of you!

Christmas morning…..

Merry Christmas….

Santa visit 2014

….Christmas holidays have begun...

Well, today was the last day of work and teaching for 2014.  Matteo had his last day too and  we are relaxing and starting the holiday with a lazy evening at home!!

We are hoping for a quiet Christmas and I have some marking to do but have managed to get caught up somewhat so will not stress and feel behind which is my usual. I am looking forward to a few afternoon naps!!

The last few weeks have had good and bad moments. We continue to grieve a little boy who we only knew through our hearts and continue to look forward by keeping our hearts open to another child if that is meant to be. Waiting is awful and after our experience, I am definitely feeling even more vulnerable.

For now we have decided to end the year on a more positive note. 2014 saw two losses in our lives, our beloved cat Micio and a little boy who we grew to love and then could not adopt and then who lost his own short life. This year, as life does, did not turn out as we hoped so we made a decision to bring some life into our lives.  I had promised Matteo that after the adoption, we would look into a new kitten. I thought this would be a plan for next summer, but instead felt led to start looking at kitten sites and low an behold we brought these two lovelies home.

We have named them Bianca on the left (meaning white in Italian) and Trang on the right (meaning white in Vietnamese).  They are about 3 months old and we will be spending part of our holidays integrating them into our home and with our other cats.  We were only looking for one kitten, but how could I separate them? Could you!

Matteo is of course  having a lot of fun with them and I'm grateful for that though of course did not plan for this additional kitten.  I'm trusting it all will work out.

For now I'm also hoping to catch up on a few blogs that were started and never finished!!

So for now we're sending special prayers to God and also praying that each and everyone of you also has a wonderful, peaceful and restful Merry Christmas.

Four years ago today….

…life as I new it, changed forever….link to those memories

I love you Matteo more than words can ever say!!!

This is a really hard post to write….

…and I'm not sure if I'm going to post it, but if you're reading it, then I guess I did…

…I am feeling so angry, frustrated, confused, guilty, sad, and just plain awful, stomach in knots, about the news I received a couple of days ago…

…..as you know we were doing okay with the reality that we were not going to be able to move forward to adopt Malio/K, perhaps having turned a corner towards acceptance, trust and new hope.  We were praying that a new family could be found who would be better able to handle his medical needs…

....Well I received a message that told me that little K had taken ill and while they tried to get him medical care at a larger hospital, it was too late and he passed away as the result of a major infection.  I was totally shocked at this news, totally helpless, and now I grieve again!

I am sure they did the best they could under the circumstances, but I am so angry at this adoption process that takes forever and children who have to live in orphanages that do not get the personal love of a family sooner and then that family can help them through any health issues that may arise.

Something has to change, this process needs to change, children need loving homes sooner, adoptive parents need to love their children not from afar but close up, in their arms.   And if God wills such an awful end then every child deserves to be embraced in the loving arms of his mother as he leaves this earth and not alone in a hospital without a forever family supporting them.

I feel helpless and so very sad.  I continue to pray that Malio/K is at peace and not in pain any longer.  I also continue to pray that I find understanding in all of this loss as I continue to love a little boy who had such a hard beginning and end in his short life, and who spiritually had become a part of our family (another son, a baby brother, a nephew, a cousin and a godchild) and especially our hearts for such a brief time.

I am so sorry Malio/K that I could not be there for you!

Goodbye Malio /K. We will always love you!!
Tạm biệt Malio/K. Chúng tôi sẽ luôn luôn yêu em !!

Happy First World Adoption Day!!

First ever World Adoption Day!

On the occasion of the first ever World Adoption day, I thought I should get back to writing.

It has been a hard month, though we feel like we've turned a corner.  Matteo seems to be more accepting of the situation and yesterday for the first time he kissed his hand and kissed K's picture (have not had the heart to take them all down) he used to do that all the time….Matteo hadn't really talked about him in a while, but when I asked him, he definitely understood that he would not be his little brother but understood that he could still love him….which is what I'm more accepting of too.  The hardest parts of course have been worrying that a family would be found for him and then seeing all the preparations around here, from the new baby bottles, formula, all the clothes ready, etc etc…everything was pretty well ready at our end to accept a new baby and now there are reminders all around and of course there is guilt that we could not move forward…..yet for now we are more trusting that all happens for a reason and that we were not the right family for him and the right child for us is still out there…we are now back at the top of the list at our agency awaiting word of another referral, a boy or a girl, though we have no new timelines.

Today, during the first World Adoption Day we were hoping to do something special, but as Matteo has not been well and I'm/we are tired because of the lack of sleep with some night time challenges, we may laze around and watch Christmas movies and take it easy. Matteo wants to go to his favourite museum and we'll do that maybe next weekend!

For now adding some photos of some highlights of the past month. Halloween this year was celebrated though Matteo was willing to dress and go trick or treating, he did get scared at the haunted house his extended care program set up.  He LOVED trick or treating and was so brave, especially at one house that was very ghoulish, but he was a real trouper climbing lots of stairs and never complaining once. He came home with a bag full of lots of treats and we only circled two blocks. Below you'll see his sweet kitten face, and mommy went to school too as a cat, as well as some preparations of our pumpkin and the booty after the trick or treating.

The last photo is the annual photo of the Vietnamese Saturday afternoon school program children.  I'm not sure how much Matteo is learning yet, but very glad we were able to change classes and he is much happier and together we hope to learn some Vietnamese together in preparation for our hoped for trip to Vietnam to adopt once again!

….some good news and some unexpected heartbreaking news….

….well, where to begin.  First of all this week started with the anniversary of my mother's death on Monday and that sadness continued through the week. Considering that I had named Malio after my mother the news with this timing, is doubly sad.

   On Tuesday I got a call from my agency with two pieces of news. The first was that the update had been processed; however the second, took my breath away and is still causing confusion and heartbreak.

 I received a recent medical on Malio and unfortunately and sadly there  was a negative change to his health.  The issue results are that his health involves more than a minor correctible special  need.  After consulting with the doctor at an American clinic and clarification from the doctor in Vietnam, I have had to accept that I could not go forward with his adoption. The best interests for Malio are for him to have a family who is able to have the time to help him access all the medical support he will need. As a single parent that would pose difficult challenges to us.  So with a heavy heart; however, with the best interests of Malio at heart, we are beginning the process of saying goodbye and grieving his loss.  We are also continuing to pray that he finds the family that he is meant to be with.

  For now, we cry and grieve, and try to say goodbye to a little boy who was already in our hearts and in our life in a way this is hard to explain.

   Good bye K, I'm so sorry and pray that God carries you gently into the hearts and arms of a special family who can care for you the way you need and deserve.

   We will always love you, and will always miss and continue to pray for only the best for you.  Thank you for having allowed us to be your family for even this short time.

No news yet….

Well, still nothing from the ministry….so in my head and heart I keep reworking timelines. Trying to again focus on staying positive and trusting that it will all work out; however, definitely have had different paperwork challenges this time around that I did not have when adopting the first time around.
Have many posts swirling in my head but time is limited and motivation is low when all I want is to hear the news that this next important step has been processed!

Some good news……

Well, if all goes well, I've been told that the updated home study may be approved as early as next week, and that is very good. I was also told that the Vietnam process is still in process and not on hold…the update approval is needed but both systems are still working!  Praying it all comes together!!

Uncertainties….and the ever challenge of paperwork!!.

….well yesterday I found out that the home study extension was denied by the ministry and they want to wait for the home study update which hopefully will be sent this coming week. I am trying to find out what this will mean in terms of timelines and other problems. I'm not sure how long it will take the ministry to review and then hopefully approve the home study update; however, my bigger concern is will the DA wait for my paperwork to be in order?  or will this delay cause other delays there??

The original information was that once the extension is approved (it seemed that that was not going to be a problem) then the Vietnam process could continue….however, this has not happened….so the lesson here for all adoptive and waiting families,  it is important to never let your home study expire without an extension or plenty of time for a home study update to be done before the expiry date.  Not sure if anyone else has encountered this?   It is a question I had in June and regret not asking it when I thought of it?

….anyhow I am sad and yet trying to stay positive….so many mixed emotions, a down on the roller coaster of paper work once again.

Tet Trung Thu - mid-Autumn Moon festival….neighbourhood children's parade

…Thanks for organizing this once again Samantha. Matteo had a great time, especially his time being the dragon….Happy mid-Autumn moon festival to everyone!

Heading out to the parade.

The dragons are ready for the parade too.

Helping to carry one of the dragons.

Getting to carry the dragon all on his own.

Making it to the archway.

The traditional climb of the lion.

First day of kindergarten!

Wednesday, September 3rd was the first full day of kindergarten and it started with a very excited and singing and dancing little boy who  was reduced to tears once Mommy said goodbye!  The morning tears lasted all week and sometimes were unbearable to hear; however, when I went to pick him up, he was all smiles and joy!  Transitions are hard for all of us!  Here are some great first day photos where you can see his excitement!

Happy Independence day Vietnam

NATIONAL INDEPENDENCE DAY

September 2nd, 1945 is an important landmark marking a major turning point of Vietnam. It was an establishment day of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam and is also considered the National Independence Day of the current Socialist Republic of Vietnam. President Ho Chi Minh read the Declaration of Independence at Ba Dinh Square, officially claiming the independence and sovereignty of Vietnam from France and Japan.
As a typical National Day, Vietnamese has a day-break from work to commemorate the event’s historical significance. A notable sign for the cheerful spirit of the day is the appearance of Vietnam flags everywhere, coloring the whole country with lively red backgrounds and jovial yellow stars. The streets are exploded with a boom of red and yellow banners of celebrations and oversized posters of Uncle Ho speaking into a microphone in 1945.
There is also an annual marching on the Ba Dinh Square and fireworks in the major cities of Vietnam. September 2 is truly an utmost special day for the whole Vietnam nation.

http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/vietnam-independence-proclaimed

TDH Ontario August Newsletter

http://tdhontario.tdh.ca/downloads/newsletter_august_2014.pdf

Paperwork completed….

….well, as of Thursday, August 28m the paperwork medicals for Malio's adoption on my part are all done for the home study update and the documents Vietnam needs!

We now await the update report being drawn up by the sw and the special documents for Vietnam will need to be notarized and translated.  Then hopefully the two processes will come together and we'll hear some good news from Vietnam letting us know that the Article 16 has been signed!!  As I was told it was now awaiting my documentation, here's hoping it will be quick and we can plan for a fall travel date.

  I don't anticipate going before November, as  it is usually about 6 weeks after the Article 16 that we are open to travel. My sister plans on joining us; however, she will only be able to after Nov. 5, so hopefully it will all work out.  Again, it looks like travel could be in November making Malio, my second greatest birthday present after Matteo, my first.

…For now we are trying to enjoy a quiet labour day weekend!

If you are able to continue to pray for us, please do.  We continue to pray that the paperwork process will be smooth and quick and that there are no missing or incomplete documents from our file so that Malio can be home to celebrate his first Christmas with us.

Endings…..create special memories….

Well we've had a few busy days….last week we went to Matteo's daycare's summer potluck and Matteo finally got his face painted. He had been asking me to do this for sometime, though there were no opportunities to do this….and finally at this event, he got his chance. He chose a cat of course and the photo is actually a selfie, (though he didn't push the button)…but as you can see he was very proud of what he saw.

The second was taken during a fabulous family picnic to Silver lake. We had been trying to do this for a few weeks but the weather did not oblige. It was to be Matteo's first boat outing and he went twice with zio Tony, and wanted to go again. He loved it and is becoming more and more adventurous in the water which is great.

So while daycare time for Matteo is really over, (though if all goes well we'll be returning to the same daycare for Malio) and the summer is coming to a close, we have tried to enjoy each and every event and moment.  There have been many good memories for the summer of 2014 with the exception of the one bad memory of losing our beloved cat Micio.

Life is fleeting, moments will never come again, so we try to always be grateful for the blessings that we have, pray for strength and courage when challenges come our way, and always embrace the joy of special moments like the first face painting and the first boat ride.

Bad news and Good news…...

…well the bad news first…looks like I still have to complete the home study which may mean more time and definitely more money; however, ...

….the good news is that an extension will still be sought (and should be received) and technically, once the extension is received then it, with the other documents needed can proceed with completing the Article 16 process in Vietnam, so that the "official" referral can be processed.

In the interim, the new updated home study can be registered so that the period that the home study expired, will be covered and then hopefully both processes won't interfere with each other, but will work together.

  So, all that is left for me to do for the home study are the medical updates, one for Vietnam and one for Ontario, which hopefully will be done next week!

….At this point, my understanding is that the extension granting will not be held up until the update is finalized, which was my fear, and really it is the extension that is more important at the moment, though the home study update is still also important.

  Are you sufficiently confused!!  Basically, if all goes as explained and planned and hoped for, the adoption should still take place before December, well in advance of the timelines I was originally given. Which is still VERY WONDERFUL!!

Malio I would jump through hoops of fire for you!!!  For now the hoops are all wrapped in words on papers!!  Continuing to pray that it all comes together!!

The ups and downs of the adoption paperwork dance...

…well the excitement of yesterday has turned to caution and worry today…the first paperwork glitch..seems that as my home study has already expired, just 10 days ago, there may be a problem with requesting the extension and I may need to do the home study update anyhow!!…While this may not interfere a lot with the timelines (more money spent though), though processing time may be a bit longer, they are still hoping the adoption can still take place before the end of the year.  Of course the extension is the quicker route and the update may take longer processing, though no one knows how long. For now the agency will try to advocate on our behalf for the extension to be sought so that we can move the paperwork process forward a bit quicker.

….needless to say, my heart sunk today when I got the phone call and if it wasn't for the fact that two adoption families were visiting with their recently adopted children, and I could think of something else,  otherwise I might have stewed in sadness for longer…..I've heard it before and I thought  of it today…adoption is not for the faint of heart….and this paperwork dance does not have the best interest of the children at heart at all, just a bureaucracy trying to make sure the "t's" are crossed and "i's" are dotted!….

For now, I'm praying this is only a cautionary setback and not really anything that will amount to a significant delay!!  Malio we're thinking of you and hoping to get to you sooner than later!  Mommy and big brother will be there as soon as we can!

Happy 7 month birthday Malio Dinh!

Well it will be a memorable birthday for sure Malio!  I had been feeling a bit down about the long travel time and especially after getting some videos which were both wonderful to see but also sad as he is so real but so far….so we've been staying close to home, trying to stay positive about the adoption, trying to make the most of our downtime (esp. despite our very wet weather), with some gymnastics for Matteo, and some naps for mommy, some preparations for September, kindergarten for Matteo, a new school for mommy, a new car booster seat for Matteo (still to install) and making lots of lists…..and lots of praying too…big brother Matteo is often the one who mentions Malio and wanting him home. I've been telling him to pray to God that timelines change and that Malio stays strong and healthy until we can go and get him and that we can go sooner rather than later.

….to our wonderful surprise, prayers do get answered, I got a very special email yesterday from Vietnam that told me that Article 16 was ready to be issued but is waiting on my paperwork…it seems that I no longer need a home study update, just a home study extension and three documents, two that are already done, and one to go, in order to finish processing the 16!!!  That means travel before Christmas and might mean that travel will be in November as it was with Matteo!! So both a great birthday present for me, yet again, and a wonderful Christmas at home!

Here's praying there are no glitches with my paperwork, and our prayers continue to be answered!!

Such a surprise and a great birthday present for all of us to remember Malio's 7 month birthday!!

Last day of pre-school forever and ever…..

…mommy was more emotional than Matteo…this is how he posed for me on the morning of August 1st.  While the walk to preschool was emotional….Matteo will be attending kindergarten in the same building as his daycare so will still be able to see all his wonderful caregivers…the two kindergarten classes are also on the same level as the senior toddler room, so technically we are only changing rooms but the move this time is HUGE, or that's how it feels to mommy!!