Visiting Santa 2015…..

Four months together and the holidays are here….

…well today is our 4 month anniversary. Malia has been with us only a short time, and she has made great strides, though we are still struggling in some areas.  Today was not a particularly good day….sometimes a slight change in routine can disrupt the flow of things…but today was a challenging one…..(I am finishing this a few days later)….anyhow better weekend, two steps forward one back I guess…..it's the tantrums that make it so hard…and just when I think I've got her figured out, I learn more….she is changing anyhow it is amazing to think that we are finally a family….over the next few days before Christmas if I can, mostly photos to show how busy we have been so do check backwards as I'll try to date them when they happened.  As usual, as with Matteo, Malia too is happiest when we are out and about…of course there is so much that is still new to her so her curiosity makes her much more cooperative and of course amongst strangers she sticks closer to me which is great….

Anyhow Malia is so smart, very sensitive, has a great sense of humour, can be as silly as her big brother, loves to colour and use markers (always asks me to tell her the colour of marker she's using and shows me the colour on clothing or in a book but has trouble naming all the colours when I ask), loves to look at books and pretend she's reading, loves her bracelets and necklace, loves stickers and glue and often asks me about colours…is determined, is already choosing clothes she likes and doesn't like, favourite books, stuffies, though gets frustrated easily if she can't do something or get her way,  and is picking up language skills daily..though I think it is really her inability to communicate and be understood is what leads to her frustration and tantrums/screaming….…yet her one word vocabulary is vast and she is working on sentences which are mostly two words, like "mor pees"(more please) or "teo skoo" (Matteo school) or  "bice uptare" (Bice (our cat) upstairs)…she can count to six.

At our second CHEO appt. all went really well.   Wee are being referred to CHEO's speech therapy dept. so they can assess how she is forming language and advise on how best to help her…otherwise, other than her eyes and her need for glasses,  she is healthy and thriving and at this 4 month mark we are definitely doing much better.

Here are a few photos from the last few weeks to show off some of her personality.

Enjoying her new Reindeer hat.

Being silly before making cookies.

Decorating cookies

Looking at and pretending to read a book

Wearing her brother's Santa hat.

Snuggling with a small bear given to her by Santa at a Christmas party where she was too afraid to sit on his lap but did accept his gift.

SPA Christmas party

At our single parents adopting (SPA) Christmas party we managed to get a photo of some of
the children together…there are families formed with children from Kazakhstan, Haiti, Vietnam, Ethiopia, and both private and public domestic adoption.

First Snowfall for Malia - November 24, 2015

Santa parade and tree decorating

One year anniversary of little Malio/K's death….

….as I sit and write this, I have a candle burning in little Malio's memory. It has been a while that I haven't written. It has been a challenging and busy time…Vietnam, Malia's adoption, Malia's birthday, then her baptism.  I was just writing to a friend tonight and sharing that after dinner tonight I was feeling more peaceful with where we're at as a family and how well we are all doing though there are still struggles and my eyes are more open to them.

It has been a hard time and also a time of great strides and tremendous progress.  Definitely adopting an older child who is already set in her ways is a bigger challenge, one that has come with surprises and struggles.  I think through these last few months, and through Malia's adoption, I definitely was still grieving little Malio (maybe I will forever)…he will never be forgotten….and the unknowns of both adoptions are intertwined. Tonight coincidentally an article was posted through my Facebook wall regarding the challenges and struggles of adopting an older child and I could definitely relate to it and pray that we too, in two years in will continue to grow in love as a family. If you're interested in reading the article click here.

Love is not automatic.  Responsibility is and caring is, but for me, even with Matteo as a baby, love grew through the relationship and with time….as it is happening now.  As everyone knows adoption is complex and challenging, yet also can be so very rewarding.

 Tonight hovering within the loss of Malio, there is a love blossoming for Malia. When I decided to still use my mother's name to name my child a few thought it was maybe not the best thing to do as it would remind me of Malio…but love and loss are intertwined…my mother is no longer with us, so using her name was definitely a way of keeping her alive, and now I also have little Malio to remember. It isn't about forgetting the past but it is about hanging onto it and learning and growing from it while never forgetting where you came from. That journey is individual for all of us.  I don't want to forget little Malio/K.  I don't want to forget my mother.  In their loss, I will continue to honour them by continuing to move forward in love and hope. They are a part of me and will be forever.

  Malia is settling in, Matteo is settling in, and so am I.  I continue to try to be honest with my struggles and feelings and I think that's the best I can give Malia who is definitely being honest about who she is too.  Matteo as well has been growing tremendously and maturing so much.  He is doing so well at school and now loving his new reading skills and his writing skills.  As we approach the Christmas season, I hope we continue to bond as a family.  For now, I just wanted to write about little Malio in order to keep his memory alive.

He was and continues to be part of our second adoption journey and story that brought us to Malia.  One day Malia too will know about him and the part he played in bringing us together.

For now, rest in peace Malio/K. I continue to feel honoured and blessed to have been your mother from afar for a short time and still consider you my second son.

I am still so sorry that I never got to hold you and especially be there when God called you to him.  Rest in peace little one.  Mama still loves you.

Happy 2nd World Adoption Day….

…from our home to yours….

Malia's Baptism