Viet Nam Family Portrait….

…with Malia's (temporary) Canadian Passport!

On our way home soon!!

Well so so grateful that we were able to get three seats on a September 1st flight instead of September 9.  I knew the travel agency was open on Saturday, though I thought it was only half a day…I tried to stay up until midnight last night which would have been around 1:00 in Ottawa….but couldn't and trusted if there was a message in the morning then all would be well. Well I woke up at about 2:30 smelling burnt toast…so I got up to check to make sure all was fine…I decided to check email before going back to bed and so so glad I did because there was a message letting me know of the new seats but asking me to confirm by 4:00 pm Canada time …and from my calculations it was 3:30 in the afternoon in Canada…I quickly sent off my message and prayed she was still there…as her message had come in at around midnight here (instincts)…anyhow all to say, it was amazing that I woke up and then could get these tickets as she said she couldn't guarantee they'd still be available on Monday!!

…so all to say we are thrilled and so need a dose of home….still having struggles with Matteo, two steps forward three back…he needs some familiarity and so do I…though it will all be new to Malia!!…Anyhow this will probably be my last post from Vietnam…have packed most of our things…tomorrow we head off with a few other families to pick up Canadian passport and then Vietnamese passport ….plan to say my goodbyes and then get everyone washed and to bed and then I will do the final closing of suitcases or final planning…we don't have to leave too early, can probably head to the airport around 8:30 ish….if all goes well we'll be arriving in Ottawa just before midnight!

…..The last couple of days I tried to accept that we might be here until the 9th so started to accept that and then decided we would lounge by the pool.  Malia loves the water, and the lessons I set up with Matteo were great as he learned a few things…esp. going under water etc….small preparations for some fall swimming lessons….and again great to also have a group of families that kind of became our home base away from home…I thought I would be the last of the group to head out but now it looks like we're going to be the first family…many are leaving on the 4 and 5 and on the 7th, so the 9th for us was LONG but the only availability when we booked….

….Anyhow we came early and we did do a lot and up until Malia's adoption Matteo was really doing quite well as a traveller though he worried about taxis etc..and being able to get back….sadly his small fears turned out to be a reality in terms of the situation with the iPhone which in reality I think may have been lifted from my purse by an unlicensed and fraudulent Vinasun cab….do be aware that there are fakes out there…I didn't know that…but did make a bad decision….lesson learned…so the only downside was the loss of the phone but everything else in relation to any worries and fears about Malia Nhi have fallen by the wayside…we still have a ways to go with bonding and  attachment but I think we've started out well!…so that is the biggest plus…and of course hope that Matteo will soon be able to feel better about the major change we're experiencing with our family!

So for now, I suspect the next post will be from Canada….thanks to those who have been following….I have lots of photos that I hope to add here, that I have added on my Facebook….it really has been an amazing 4 weeks!!

Ending off with a great moment I shared with my kids after dinner last night. They both love to colour and look at books!!

Matteo Bao, my beautiful son….

….and yet by far today was the toughest day with his behaviour and I think Mamma is part to blame….there have been some great moments of Matteo and Malia playing together and Matteo letting go of any of his fears that he will lose mommy and other moments and today, hours, where Matteo becomes extreme and almost even cruel with his behaviour towards us.  I have been trying to be generous with him and very flexible….we're on holidays so to speak too….but I think in this circumstance he needs a bit more structure than I've been giving him especially with the change….today (and even yesterday) but worse today, when I was trying to speak to another couple who also adopted, Matteo just couldn't do enough things to distract me…some of his behaviour was rude and disrespectful and he isn't those things under normal circumstances….but he was…..

….anyhow I've decided to start to give as much structure to his day as needed for him to feel more secure in this environment but also to help him transition back to getting ready for school….he needs an afternoon rest (we all do)…so when Malia naps he will have a quiet time in one of the other rooms (both of which are now his) though he is now sleeping again in the master bedroom with Malia in the crib and sharing the big bed with Mamma….(today Malia even chose her crib for her nap!) and we had a great sleep last night and Malia did not wake up even once…I heard some noises from her on a couple of occasions but she and all of us slept in until 7!!

…anyhow Matteo I hope will allow himself to accept his little sister who has much in common with him and is already showing she can stand up to him too!…but Matteo seems to fight it, almost as if he is trying hard to find reasons not to accept her??  and yet tonight when I asked him if he wanted us to brush our teeth together or if he wanted to do that later before his bedtime…he at first said he'd do it later and then said -- "we're a family so we should brush our teeth together like a family"….so these glimmers of loveliness, have only been glimmers, many time outs today and quiet times and tears and shouts surround the glimmers of loveliness….so for now in addition to finding out Malia's Canadian passport will be ready on Monday, I will hang on to these glimmers.

I think we all need a dose of home to help us get through the transition phase to the reality of living as a family of three!

Passport ready on Monday.

…just got the confirmation that the Canadian passport will be ready for pick up Monday afternoon so we are free to travel home as of Tuesday (Vietnamese is available today)…so if you're a praying person, please pray that 3 seats open up for us so we can return early!

Feeling better, some special plans and a few breakthroughs for my children

Well I'm feeling better about the phone loss but so grateful that I have most of the most important photos, those taken at the orphanage, though I know my sister took lots too….but it is what is most valuable on the phone, those photos and yes would have loved to have the puppet show too ( I was thinking at the show that this was probably the last cultural event we would be taking part in on this trip though who knows), but so far no action on the phone (so no photos) though I have disabled it and/or Find my Phone has been processed but cannot activate until someone tries to connect the phone to the internet?

Anyhow this morning awoke feeling vulnerable and was going to change our plan to go to Ben Thanh market one more time (we may go again) and was nervous but realized I needed to get back on the horse again so to speak!….So we went and found most of what we were looking for…we stayed mostly in the "set price" area and know a few of the spots we like…it is a vibrant market but it is the aggressiveness of some of the sellers that can be overwhelming for sure…we brought the stroller and snacks and did fine…were only there for about 90 minutes but both Matteo and Malia did well….anyhow afterwards we came home for lunch and a nap for Malia and a snuggle for me and Matteo …..I was going to sleep myself with Malia as last night after her yesterday's nap night terror, I decided to not transfer into her bed but let her sleep in the big bed…there were no night terrors but gosh does she move so much….and of course I didn't sleep well.  For her nap again she was in the big bed and boy did she move.  When she woke up at the bottom of the bed I explained or tried to explain how she moves all over while she sleeps and I'm worried she might fall off the bed this is why I need her to sleep in the crib…I pointed to the floor and the crib and she seemed to get it but also nodded her head no but smiled too….In the last few days I asked Matteo to at times play in the crib so he climbs in and she follows him, so she has been getting more comfortable in it…after her nap today again she went in to play and look at the stuffies and doll that are usually in there…she climbs in and out…she was proud of the fact that she could climb into her crib at the orphanage though I'm not sure she was also climbing out…but here as the crib is flush with the bed and the side is down she can go in and out so if she is feeling trapped somehow she knows she can climb out….

…in the afternoon we went to the pool and Malia knew exactly what her bathing suit meant….this time I also brought the floaties and without asking her twice she raised her hands and let me put it on her….I really hope I, or someone is able to take some photos of her in the pool, as I'd like these special photo memories too….she really does enjoy the pool and when we went into the baby pool and she could walk around and touch the bottom I could see she was thrilled….she wanted to stay longer but the water was cooler today and I could see she was shivering…but a good third time at the pool and second day of getting into the water with me and Matteo…..for Matteo we finally spoke to this lovely young man who we have seen around the pool giving lessons to the children and discovered, happily, that he speaks English…so we asked if he had time to give some lessons to Matteo…he said yes but his schedule is busy…so he might have some time tomorrow but we are firmly booked on Saturday morning….Matteo was thrilled... so a good day so far with some breakthroughs of trust for Malia and some special planning for Matteo.

…we also found out the the Minion movie is coming to the Somerset HCMC…they have movie nights for children and this is the movie that Matteo and I wanted to go to before we came to Vietnam, but couldn't find the time….so on Friday he will go to a conference room here that turns into a movie theatre for children with popcorn and (noise)….I'll have Malia in the stroller and she how she fares with it…otherwise we will stroll in the lobby area…..so another fun activity mostly for Matteo….

…anyhow the biggest breakthrough came at bedtime for Malia (and maybe a little for Matteo too)…. as we were getting ready for our sleep routine….has she ever picked up on this quick….(by the way she is now able to point to her nose and mouth when I ask where these are!!!)….anyhow I explained to her that after she falls asleep I will transfer her into the crib because I don't want her to fall out….I've been telling her that every evening though not sure she understood before tonight….so I told her it would be better if she just got into the crib to sleep ….she did not nod "no" but instead started to climb…I reassured her I would sleep by the crib so if she wakes up I would be there and she is safe…I grabbed the big pillow where she sometimes is propped to drink her milk and she got into her crib willingly…drank her milk, then played a bit with the animal stuffies and the doll…I pretended to give each kisses and she followed suit and even did some hugging…she has not been very warm to the doll or the stuffies but I think that is because I could not see any of these at all at her orphanage…but she kept taking them out, putting them in, changing the pillow around, I lay on the bed outside the crib and sang the usual songs I sing…Matteo came to lie down with us (he has not wanted to try to sleep in the same room as he doesn't like her crying and/or screaming….(it has been loud at times)…it took a bit longer for her to fall asleep only really because I moved up her bedtime by half an hour, but it was great for her to play around and get comfortable etc….she finally fell asleep and when I turned back to Matteo, my other little one had fallen asleep too….so mommy had a bit of extra down time tonight…

….the only not so good thing about today was finding out that the Canadian consulate has not heard from Singapore yet on the passport..once they hear from Singapore it will take two working days to get the passport….so it seems that we will not get the Canadian one this week….we knew it was a long shot as the average these days is about 7 working days…we applied last Thursday…so???  for now will add a couple of photos I took with my phone booth photo app. on my computer.  The siblings continue to struggle, mostly Matteo with his relationship with his sister but there are moments like this after dinner tonight where they were mostly together, not playing together, but at least sharing the markers and some space.

Okay we're ready for home now….

…today by far has felt like the most stressful of days so far….my iPhone was lost and/or stolen this evening…not sure which one…but that's how our evening ended….so if it didn't slip off my lap and onto the back floor of the cab then it was stolen from my purse right from under my nose!!…so there may not be any more photos for the duration of our trip!!

…we were at the amazing water puppet show and I got some amazing photos that are on the phone….all of my other photos from this trip because of iCloud (THANKyou Apple) are streamed and saved on my computer which I was so so so so happy to see…but losing the phone in the way I did was pretty stressful, made me feel so vulnerable and not the best choice I made for me and my kids….after the water puppet show we stayed a bit behind as we ended up buying a small wooden puppet toy….so when we came out of the theatre the line up of cabs that was usually there, wasn't …instead there were two cabs that we did not want to take and then one cab from the recommended company but the cab driver was one that we had before and he did not bring us into our hotel but left us outside…while we didn't like it, it wasn't like he took us for a ride around town as sometimes happens…anyhow there were no other cabs in site it was dark at six o'clock and I had two children needing dinner….but really it was not a good decision as I should have waited and flagged down a cab so that we could be as safe as possible…anyhow my phone was out as we have not been out at night as much and it is dark at 6 o'clock here….so was taking some night shots…Matteo on my lap, Malia beside me then at one point Malia wanted on my lap too…I remember putting the iPhone on my lap and then we were at the hotel and before I knew it had to pay…I can't remember if I did put the phone in my purse or not, but trying to get Matteo to sit on the seat, Malia to wait beside me while I paid..this cab driver didn't want a tip, only exact change but at one point as I didn't understand he wrote the number on a part of a newspaper and flagged the newspaper in my face, tried to help me with my money in my wallet…they try to do that here sometimes…..I told him to stay out of my wallet but the newspaper was distracting…either I forgot my cell on my lap and it slid off int he confusion of getting out of the cab in the dark…or I did put it in my purse and this cab driver was crafty in getting me all confused and flustered and then reaching into my purse…I think it is the former but not sure anymore…anyhow dinner was not as enjoyable….it was just the vulnerability that I felt and still feel that I don't like….I've locked my phone via the iCloud "find my phone feature"…the hotel is trying to track down the cab….Matteo has been good with noticing the numbers on the cabs so do hope he remembered it correctly???….and Malia was in a great mood despite my bad mood and Matteo's bad mood too….she was giving me kisses!!

…anyhow the other thing that happened during nap time Malia experienced what I think was a night terror….it was not nice to watch and it really scared me….I have not seen this extreme since we became a family…she sometimes whimpers in her sleep and then makes some noises, but this was definitely a terror, crying, screaming, breathing heavy, sweating….I know these can be brought out by stress and just before nap time I was starting our packing of things that were not necessary right now and was going through the clothes that the orphanage gave Malia. She wanted to wear some of the outfits so as I packed I changed her and/or added a new top on top of the old one…I wasn't sure about the clothes and did worry that the smell of the clothes might trigger some memories etc….and I know before nap she also was behaving a bit like her first day with us before we started to work on her sign language etc….where she was refusing to try to use the sign etc….anyhow it was just odd and hope we have a  quiet night….so after that I was really looking forward to the water puppet show…we had great seats up front (Thanks Joanne S. for that recommendation) and got splashed a few times…Malia was mesmerized…Matteo not so much…..but it was to have been our last tourist type outing and after the stressful afternoon was looking forward to some puppetry!

…..anyhow the water puppet show was amazing and I got lots of great photos…if karma is on our side, we'll get the phone back and be able to post them, otherwise there won't be any new photos for the  remaining days!! But that was the plan for this evening, to upload some of those photos and then of course to hopefully have a quiet night….no photos so hope we have a quiet night and get one out of two at least!

…So yes tonight (Vietnam time) I really feel like I want to go home!

Malia Nhi….

Well it has a been a busy week here in HCMC for adoptions…there are three families from Ireland who are in the process of waiting for post-adoption paperwork to process - passports and such and three Canadian families with out TDH agency that also completed adoptions last week and are in the process of awaiting passports and such…that is that I know of….so it is great to be here and to get to know some of these families….sometimes life long bonds come from these beginnings!…..I was sad to learn that the process for adoptions in Ireland is also plagued with many delays and bureaucratic mumble jumbles……another single parent here also completing her second adoption took 8 years…her 10 year old was 2 when she started the process….so those of us in Canada can compare and in many instances our 4 years pale in comparison!!

….anyhow have been wanting to write but of course a combination of trying to settle into somewhat of a rhythm  and adjustment both to the addition of a new person in our family as well as my sister's absence and tiredness have plagued me. I really don't feel that my tiredness has a lot to do with the children and more with the emotional exhaustion of the worry and fret of the adoption process coming really to an end…I will now worry and fret over my children but I will never again have to await anyone else's decision on the structure of my family!! We have been on our own for about 4 days now and really feel blessed that Malia is really doing so well….Matteo has had some very rough moments including tonight which was the roughest and after crying and screaming about how hard it was and then talking…somehow he got some of his frustrations out about sharing mommy and also feeling like he was losing me somehow…..after this episode, just before bedtime my two little ones were playing and jumping around in mommy's bedroom and playing "together" for the first time!!….I didn't dare say anything, just enjoyed listening to them laughing….!!!!

….I am continually in awe of the whole adoption process, frustrated by it but also humbled by it and in the end feel so strongly that while it would have been in the best interests of these children to be in the loving arms of their birth families; however, that not being the journey they were on, then Malia, like Matteo before her has come to the right family where her needs and ours have been met in a connection I could never have imagined.  My two are so much alike in some ways and I think, given time, will have a wonderful relationship.  Malia is so smart…she is blowing kisses and already knows at least 6 different expressions in sign language that we are using already.  She understands so much of what I ask of her and she is able to express her needs so well.  She also is learning some English already…when I point to nose, ears, eyes and mouth…she points to hers and repeats words…she does that with other things too…she is not yet using the English but is definitely understanding connections…..

…when we're at home in the apartment she is laughing and singing and feels very much at home and her personality is wide open…when we're out and about, her grim face comes on and she becomes the observer looking and taking in everything around her.  She is also starting to feel comfortable with people around the hotel that we see often..the restaurant staff know Matteo by name and as our hotel is very near the pool and restaurant, this has come in handy and Matteo has been able to walk to the restaurant with our room service order (our phone is sometimes working and sometimes not)….and he has felt very responsible when he has done that….we also worked out an arrangement with the restaurant that when we order from them, we could also borrow a high chair and we'd put it outside with the dishes when we were done…this has helped so much…Malia is able to eat on her own but is baby enough that I also try to feed her to bond with her and to know how much she is eating…she still is on formula so this is great for bonding…..the restaurant staff has been wonderful to welcome her but she's not there yet with being comfortable with them but is comfortable enough that we can still go to breakfast…she can sit in her high chair while I get our food from the breakfast buffet…of course I choose a table where she is close…but in the first couple of days if she didn't see me she would start crying….now she is fine for a few minutes not seeing me….though she still follows me around in the apartment from room to room and will sit and play in the kitchen when I'm doing dishes or getting lunch ready…

Our only issue is at bedtime but even this I can't complain about…she refused to get in the crib or have me leave the room before she was fully asleep…we were co-sleeping and Matteo moved into the third bedroom as he could not handle her crying..(now he's in zia's bedroom)…and Malia was sleeping in the big bed with me…this went well for two nights where she hardly moved in bed…but I guess as she relaxed more she started to move a lot in bed (like Matteo) and on the third night she had kicked the pillows on the edge away and she was close to the edge…of course I had a sleepless night keeping my eye on her that she wouldn't fall off the bed…and realized this was not going to work..so I have now propped her crib along the bed, folded down one side (which is what these cribs here can do) and Mali can easily climb out of in onto the bed but when she's asleep in it, she is protected and yes does move around still….she usually wakes up once a night and starts to whimper that she is in the crib (the first night she screamed when I tried to put her in)..and when singing and patting I am able to get her back to sleep…she usually wakes early and when it is near morning and I hear her I encourage her to get out of the crib herself so she feels in control and hopefully not trapped by it…and then she nestles in beside me..by then I'm usually awake and she doesn't move as much….however it is at bedtime that we have had the most crying/screaming….on the second night after I had even put her in the big bed, and I hadn't got in yet, and I went to the bathroom well did we hear screams…so she doesn't go into the big bed until we're all ready for bed…anyhow I am still trying different things and realize that things might have to be changed for what we were planning at home but this I knew already….

….all the worries and fears of the transition for us anyhow have gone so much better and feel grateful for that….from talking and even seeing the others, I know that wasn't the case…one of the other little boys was still crying all the time and looked like a rag doll when he was out with his parents and older brother and yesterday it was so wonderful to see him laughing and playing in the pool with his brother and father……grieving takes many forms….I think Malia's grieving happens at night…I hear her crying in her sleep and then she stops….these children go through so much….Malia as I mentioned in my last blog post left the orphanage and never looked back…she shows me daily how happy she is that she is experiencing what she is and there is so much laughter….(hoping to catch some photos of this)….this of course has made this transition so wonderful for us….giving me more time to try to help Matteo deal with his grief too at our family changing dramatically and for ever.

Anyhow I'm glad to have had the energy tonight to update everyone who has been wondering how we're faring….really we are better than we could have imagined but are under no illusions that there will be challenges ahead.  For me the really challenge will be when I return to being a working single mom next year…but for now, I'll just treasure this time that we have to transition and enjoy the change in our family in the best way we can.

Thank you for the comments and messages from those who have posted.  I hope to continue to blog as we continue to wait for our Vietnamese and Canadian passports.  For now I am leaving you with my new favourite photo of Malia Nhi, her blowing kisses to me. So from our home away from home to yours we're sending you kisses.

Some reflections on the second adoption..esp. G&R day

Well I am feeling exhausted…not because the transition for Malia Nhi and all of us is not going well, but because of all the pent up emotion leading up to this transition…my sister is leaving tomorrow, she is away today visiting the Mekong Delta…we had wanted to go last saturday but the boat that is part of the tour was down for maintenance…

...she's not sure when she'll be back to Viet Nam,  but we know we will, so she decided to try to go today if the G&R of course wasn't scheduled today.  It is a great way for us to transition slowly with her absence too. She has been a tremendous help with Matteo and also with these last few days for the G&R and the last couple of days which of course are the toughest not knowing what to expect when a new person joins your family…..not to mention that she was our personal photographer (we had fun comparing "likes" and "comments", for me on Facebook, for her on Instagram and Twitter.)

…while our meeting with Malia went well last week, there was no guarantee she would handle the change easily so while I tried to prepare for the worst, we were pleasantly surprised.  I think the transition or the last couple  of days were hardest on Matteo.  Malia left the orphanage and didn't look back.  To back track we only got a day's (or less actually) notice for the G&R…sorry we didn't post about it, but decided to tell family first and then we had to get ready.  As the orphanage was an hour or hour and a half away we had to get ready to spend the day….our G&R was scheduled for the afternoon at 2 and while I thought we'd have the morning to get ready, instead the plan was to go to the orphanage in the morning (as we had not yet met the director), leave Malia's clothes, go to a local mall for lunch, and then go back, either pick Malia up or let the director drive with Malia to the Justice Department where we would have our G&R.  Well of course that meant two sets of clothes for all of us….it is very hot here and the sweaty good clothes would not last the whole day...or moreso…

…so we headed out at about 9 in the morning ... Matteo and I spent some time with Malia…she definitely remembered us; however, when we were getting ready to go and she was going to have her lunch, she did not want to return to her room and had a major major major tantrum….I was thrown as she had only showed a very gentle side to her…though I did note (on our previous visits) that she was strong willed, knew what she wanted, had a bit of a free rein to wander with the nurse and other workers outside of the baby room…..this I decided (being strong willed) is a good thing, but in some instances it was going to be a challenge…..(already reared its head)….anyhow the part I didn't like was how she almost threw herself and her head on the hard floor….I grabbed her as I discovered the nanny was not sure what to do…as I found out it wasn't her usual nannies??? ….so I grabbed her and supported her head to make sure she would not hit it…and tried to calm her to no avail…some of the regular caregivers came in and L. and after spending extra time was told that this was an unusually extreme temper tantrum and she wanted to go with me then…and did not want to go back to her room….as I said she was ready to leave….they tried to explain to her that she needed to eat and have a nap….anyhow she calmed down somewhat and I was very glad to have seen this behaviour before I adopted her as I learned an awful lot about how she behaved when not getting what she wanted….and how they calmed  her but in this case….I definitely think that some children, esp. older ones, are confused when they're told that "mama" is here to take them, but doesn't…I was ushered out of her room even though she was still crying and told they would calm her and she also needed her nap and lunch etc…and they would take care of her...

...anyhow when we returned she was all dressed up in her special outfit…in a good mood…we got Matteo changed and then discovered we would bring her with us.  We drove to a totally new air conditioned and beautiful Justice Department building…..After being told that we might have to wait, everything happened very quickly…we went up to the special ceremonial room and all of a sudden the ceremony started….the Vice Director ( I think) was officiating…a lovely young woman in a traditional outfit read out each part about why we were there….L. translated for us. I signed multiple documents and the registrar and we took lots of photos, or I should say my sister did and so did L…..I have so much to document this moment…..though I did miss the red curtain…and the projection on the whiteboard caused us to be in shadow when we took pictures…but it was very nice…my sister compared it to a baptism ceremony…not to long, but ceremonial enough and just as exhausting….Malia Nhi's director and vice-director were there…the Director officially "gave" her to me and I "received" her….it was lovely….but too quick…

….after the ceremony we enjoyed the spectacular view of Binh Duong a thriving city with a state of the art building…..the director and vice-director gave us or Malia Nhi a pink backpack with a photo album of pictures taken from the beginning of her time at the orphanage….WONDERFUL to have these…and some milk, some water, some clothes etc…they loved the outfit and shoes I bought for Malia and were so happy for us…again it was wonderful and reflecting back on it, it is even more special as I appreciate how lovely it all was…..anyhow I'll sign off and talk more about the G&R and our first days together in another post…for now posting two photos of Matteo and Malia Nhi all ready to head to the Justice department for the ceremony.

Some easier and lovely moments to treasure….

….some highlights of some wonderful moments….there have been challenges, the expected ones of course…but mostly we're doing well…again hoping to blog about some of the experiences of the last few days….

First morning together...

…will try for a longer update soon….most things going well…a few challenges of course….here are some photos of our first morning together…Malia Nhi definitely likes books and trucks…

It's official! We are now a family of three!

…the G&R was held today at 2:00 p.m. August 18, Viet Nam time.  Introducing Malia Nhi!!

No date yet….but we are trying to keep busy...

…well the weekend has come and gone…I think Matteo is feeling a bit homesick..wanting to go back to Canada, missing his cats, not understanding why Malia is not with us….so most of the time the homesickness sets in when he is tired and really it has only been the last couple of days that he has mentioned Canada…we too are wanting things to move forward…we've played the tourists, but that is not why we have come even though I'm really happy  I've gotten to know HCMC a lot better and that we went to VungTau and on Saturday we visited the Cu Chi Tunnels and the Cao Dai temple of many faiths….  Matteo wasn't sure about the Tunnels, though he liked having the ice cream at our break time and the pringles chips to pass the time on the mini van…. it is hot and very hard to be out for long.   Matteo really enjoyed the special lunch that was part of the tour, especially the noodles…he couldn't wolf them down fast enough…(photo below)….tonight instead of eating in our room with room service we decided it was cool enough to enjoy a dinner by the pool. It was indeed lovely and nice to meet other families; however, two kittens appeared and while they were entertaining, they made Matteo feel homesick for his kittens and cats….so two steps forward, one back….when I was singing to him as he was nestled in bed, he again mentioned wanting to go back to Canada, and then he said "just for one day"….hard for him to understand why we can't do that, but I too wish we could too to feel that comfort of home….but we still want Malia so we would be back...

...otherwise for the G&R we did not hear on Friday so we knew it wasn't going to be on Monday.  Additionally we met another Canadian couple who are here for their child and their G&R will be tomorrow.  We also met another Canadian couple who have older twins who are on their way to Vung Tau to meet the birth parents of their twins.  There are also about three Irish families who have new little ones…we are in the process of meeting them and getting to know their details.  It is great that the Somerset hotel is a meeting place of sorts…we long to be on the other side of the adoption and to have Malia Nhi in our family and to plan our trip home.  It is a beautiful country….very generous and kind people with lots to offer.  However it is not our home so we are so longing to begin this chapter of our lives and move forward.

We are praying the G&R is as soon as Tuesday rather than later even though we've been told it will be this week. Earlier of course means we can get the post-adoption paperwork started sooner than later and then be able to try to change our return flights!  For now this is all out of our hands. Instead we are trying to stay positive, enjoy the pool, some excursions and some laughs.

No more news on G&R as of Friday - Vung Tau and Ben Thanh market excursions.

….I guess we're going to have to continue to be patient.  Today is Friday night and as of the end of the work day today, there was no information on the date of the G&R which should be next week. We are of course concluding that it won't be on Monday.  We are disappointed that there is no date but know that it will all fall into place in its time.

   We've been keeping busy.  On Wednesday we visited another pagoda and had a quick look at the Reunification palace and then an afternoon swim in the pool. Matteo is doing so much better in the pool and is actually doing a bit of swimming…we are hoping for his swimming lessons to start in the fall.

On Thursday we headed out of HCMC to Vung Tau the seaside city where I adopted Matteo.  It was about a two hour drive to Vung Tau and in the five years since I've been, it has definitely grown quite a bit….we managed to climb the 814 steps in 40 degree heat to the top of the Jesus statue.  I made this pilgrimage with Matteo in my arms 5 years ago and promised if I ever returned that I would do it again, only this time I didn't carry Matteo. We took it slow, took plenty of breaks in the many lookout stops and photo stops they had….beautiful views of the ocean from high up….we managed to make it to the top and enjoyed the accomplishment….after stopping at a local mall where I bought some new PetShop pillows, we then made it to the Imperial Palace Hotel restaurant for a nice lunch.  We were able to take some photos of me and Matteo on the beach similar to the one that i have on this blog…the same background!  Again, I'll have to upload those photos later as they are on my sister's phone…but definitely being in Vung Tau was like visiting an old familiar friend.  I had wanted to at least walk by the orphanage, that is no longer an orphanage, which was supposed to be near the bus service we took but we were so exhausted and my excellent traveller was starting to let me know he had no more energy. I think this worked out for the best as I still wasn't sure if and what reaction Matteo might have…. I have photos of him asleep on my sister on the way back to HCMC.  I am so glad we went and I have great photos of Matteo on the pilgrimage…he was the one who egged us on…his strong little legs had more energy than mommy and auntie, but we all made it to the top!

This morning, Friday morning we ventured out to Ben Thanh market which is quite the experience….it is quite overwhelming for anyone, let alone for  a little boy who had to deal with people touching his face, his arms etc…..I tried to keep him close and tell them no, and tried to get Matteo to say no, don't  touch me, too, but it was not a great experience….I'm sure this is a cultural thing but we do not touch other people's children especially when we don't know them….but of course they would say Viet Nam? to him and then touch his face etc…Matteo was happy when we were buying a couple of beautiful dragonfly and turtle mobiles and then when were almost finished as I was buying a couple of ao dai's and some lightening mcqueen pjs, one of the ladies who was helping us (as we were waiting for them to get something for us) decided to kiss Matteo on the cheek….that of course provoked, rightly so lots of crying….I cuddled him and tried to explain to the ladies that they shouldn't be doing that to a child they don't know…but not sure what they thought….we did manage to get our purchases and then as my sister had also finished her shopping we flagged a cab and headed to the hotel for a relaxing afternoon, of tv watching, napping and a swim in the pool where we experienced one of the brief rain showers we've been getting.

Tomorrow we have a one day excursion. It was not our first choice…our first choice was to head to the Mekong delta and travel by boat on the Jirah; however, sadly discovered it is down for maintenance, so we are taking a tour to another grand or largest pagoda in Viet nam (I think)…we're hoping it will be an okay outing for Matteo too, though the first one, I'm sure he would have enjoyed tremendously.

…..so for now I'll sign off from Vietnam, I hope by Monday we'll be able to have more information so we'll know how to plan our week.  If the G&R is late in the week then we will plan another visit to the orphanage. If it is in the early part then we'll just go to the orphanage before the G&R and then take Malia Nhi home with us!!

 It stated to feel a bit more real when they brought us a crib and as I did with Matteo, I used the new pillows here that she will then use in Canada.  I've posted a few photos of highlights of Vung Tau, the better moments at the Ben Thanh market and s a photo of Malia Nhi's crib at the hotel with big brother checking it out for comfort!!

An amazing view of the South China sea inVung Tau.

Better moments at the Ben Thanh Market

Wanting to take a picture with the dragon fruit

Big brother checking out Malia Nhi's bed in our home away from home!

Dragonflies and a mostly good second day meeting

Well yesterday we arrived at the orphanage to discover that Malia Nhi (as well as some of the other children) had a fever….they had just given her something for the fever and after cuddling her in my arms for a few minutes she started to perk up and then wanted to leave her room for a walk about and a cookie….she definitely was feeling better but of course there is a little cold going around.  Even when I adopted Matteo I remember many of the children sniffling and coughing.  Malia Nhi had a cough too…..anyhow I gave her a second book that I tried to read to her but she just wanted the book and to look at it and then to hold it in her arms….she definitely loves books.

We concluded that she and Matteo already have 4 things in common, they love books, they love to ride bicycles, they love to climb and they love music.  The second meeting went well for sure but more low key as my little one was not fully herself.  She kept her eye on Matteo as he road the two wheeler and she on the tricycle that I was pushing…there were so many large dragonflies hovering around the orphanage that I took those as a positive sign that things are moving positively for us.

I hope to find out later today how she is doing and we're not sure of our next meeting.  It will be decided once we know when the G&R is….we are hoping in the early part of the week so we can start the final paperwork mid-week…..but we will see.  We left the orphanage without the tears of the day before.

This morning we went to another pagoda and prayed as well and we went to Tao Dan park.  I hope to post photos at some point but seems like time is flying by.  Tomorrow we're planning to go to Vung Tau, the seaside town where Matteo's orphanage was. We'll spend the day there and have a couple of things planned and then I hope to write more.

For now, I am so, so very happy that things have gone well for Malia Nhi and us at her orphanage.

A Good day: First meeting and some G&R information…...

We are having wireless issues so at times it is hard to get mail out….but hopefully this will post.  Our first meeting with little Malia Nhi went really well….only when she saw us that she became shy and then when Matteo went to hand her the stuffed elephant we brought her she ran into a corner to cry…but kept looking at us and eventually came to sit with us at the table we were having tea at…I gave her a treat which she didn't eat at first….then the nurse she was with told her to show us her room and then she very confidently led us to her room, showed us how she could climb into her crib (Matteo climbed in too) and then she started to eat the treat...…it did not take long for her to be comfortable with me/us and in my arms and/or holding my hand and walking around…she especially connected when I pulled out a photo book with some photos of me, Matteo, our family and our cats….she would not let go of that book…and looks like she likes books….when we left for lunch, Matteo was very emotional as he did not want to leave her…something I suspected might happen…but eventually he calmed down…their relationship is moving forward positively too…at one point in the afternoon we were in a courtyard and Matteo was on a two wheeler bike and she was on a tricycle that I was pushing and she kept looking to make sure she could see Matteo….all to say a very very good first meeting that went much much better than I could have hoped.

Of course at the end of the long day, the orphanage is about an hour away, mostly because of traffic  etc…we were back at the hotel…we had not met the director as she was called away and then found out that on Tuesday, our second meeting, the director would not be there as well….so after a few phone calls to, and a few phone calls back….L. was able to find out or confirm for us that our G&R would be next week though she was not able to give us a specific date. The good news of course is that Zia/ my sister will be able to participate with us in the ceremony. We are still hoping it will be mid-week and not end of week; however, seems that there is another family that we are waiting for that we will be paired with.

We all fell asleep quite quickly…had hoped for a swim but it was raining quite a bit so instead had something to eat and then to bed….I am writing this at about 4 in the morning on Tuesday, August 11….blogger seems to post these in Canadian time.  Thank you again for all the well wishes…will write more as soon as I can and of course will add photos too!.

Today is the day we meet our littlest one...

….well, I have started another post but that one will have to wait…our days have at times felt slow but at other times already flown by. It is 6 in the morning here, Monday, August 10, in a couple of hours L. will pick us up and we will head to the orphanage about 1 to 1.5 hours away.  We will spend most of the day there today and tomorrow….and hopefully get some news on where our file is at and if a date has been set for the G&R.  We went to bed early last night, about 8 or so….slept through to about 5, but really I was awake from 2 onwards…Matteo has been sleeping better and so has my sister, so I think jet lag is resolving itself. I'm sure my wakefulness has more to do with other factors.

….Matteo goes from looking forward to seeing Malia to not wanting to talk about her as there has been a lot of talk about her.  I, of course go between feeling calm, anxious, fearful, excited and happy that this day is finally here.  I of course will be happier once we have a date and once she is with us.  We've been told that while the orphanage requires two visits, we will not be able to take her with us until the official signatures of the G&R date…so that is disappointing especially if we have to wait a long while. We came early so no promises were made, but many of the other orphanages do let you take your child even before the G&R.  We will accept this and then if we can visit her on other days as we can arrange them.  Spending the day there may be hardest on Matteo so we'll see how he does today and tomorrow…if need be he can stay behind with my sister and I can go and spend other days with her….

….all to say, so many unknowns at present.  We are looking into some day trips to take part in to pass the time and see more of what HCMC and Vietnam has to offer, but again, these will all be dependant on timing….

…I hope to write later today after we're back to let you all know how it went and especially if there is any news…for now, prayers and positive thoughts are appreciated as my little family takes the first step to a BIG change in our family!!

Jet lagged and settling in….

Well we are doing our best to settle in.  Jet lag is playing a part in our choices; however,  we are doing as well as we can expect. Matteo is doing great. We have checked out the new playroom, the pool and the neighbourhood a bit.  This afternoon we are hoping to get to a local co-op mart for some staples for our fridge. (not happening)

We were going to meet with our adoption agency rep. today but have changed that to Sunday.  If all goes well I will be meeting my daughter on Monday and Matteo his sister. Matteo was anxious to go right away and talks about Malia all the time. I am trying to help him prepare for the fact that he may think he knows her from her photos and video…but really we will be strangers to her. Not sure how much of that makes sense to him.

Matteo was great on our travels….other than one incident on the first flight where mommy learned about bathrooms and children…saved all concerned…the rest of our trip went well.  He stayed awake until our international flight….which left at 1:45 a.m.  - not sure how he did it…but we all managed to get some sleep on the overnight flight to Hong Kong….he woke up twice, once when mommy was trying to reposition him because she wasn't comfortable and a second time on his own…he cried a bit and then went right to sleep…the television on the plane really helped for sure when he was awake…some thomas, some sponge bob and some dora…the spongebob was a real hit and when Matteo was wired at the end of our last flight to hcmc, he kept laughing and saying in a loud voice - spongebob square pants and laughing, laughing…no matter how we tried to get him to not be as loud,…didn't help….and I'd like to know who designs these children's meals offering a chocolate chip muffin??? Well maybe other kids don't react the same when they're tired, and on a sugar high!!

Anyhow Matteo is a great traveller for sure and did remarkably well….I found I was the one that was not as patient…lots of worries about the still plague me about the adoption, though know this is normal.   All the uncertainty of transitions for the most part….I know it doesn't help when I'm feeling especially tired….Even Matteo is starting to ask questions about the transition…but even with his fears he's looking forward to his sister joining our family.  We are scheduled to go to the orphanage on Monday and spend the day.  I hope on Monday we may have more information regarding the G&R when L. speaks to the director.  There may be an issue that will delay the G&R from our hoped for date, but we are praying that somehow it will all work out positively.

….for now here are a few photos of our first full day at the hotel and Matteo enjoying what it has to offer….

Safe arrival HCMC - Somerset will be our home away from home….

Will write more later/tomorrow about our travels, suffice to say we're tired but were so thrilled to find out we were upgraded to a three bedroom apartment…and for me the best part was how close we are to the pool and the breakfast/restaurant…..a home away from home is so important and so far, while we're needing sleep…we are feeling at home…. 

Safe arrival Hong Kong ...

...just awaiting out hcmc fight ... almost there!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Departure day…...

…well I'm happy to report after having made arrangements for our first three days at another hotel, I got a wonderful message letting me know that we no longer have to do that and there is availability at one hotel for our arrival and onward!!

….Here's hoping any other problems that arise can be solved in our favour!

….of course another sleepless night….some of it was dealing with the hotel, but even after all of it was settled, there was nervous energy….not much sleep, maybe a little closer to the morning….

…we hope to have a relaxing morning, and maybe a little rest this afternoon, followed by final list checks and suitcases closed.

….I think our cats know we are leaving…they are all huddling close…they'll be fine and not sure if cat days if they'll feel how long we've been away?  They will be well taken care of…just a bit worried about the fearless kittens….who are nine months old but are still into mischief….and of course a bit worried about Michino our eldest cat who has some arthritis in his hip…he's been getting some shots that seem to help but today is his last one for a few weeks….hoping he manages with his pain, if he has some…..other than that, I'm sure once we're at the airport, my focus will only be on what lies ahead….

…..definitely finding myself teary eyed at times…it feels like its been such a long road this time around….praying for all to go well with meetings, transitions, and new memories.  This morning Matteo asked if we could look at his adoption book together. In trying to help him prepare of course I have been recounting for him the different steps of my planning and departure of when I went to adopt him….he is excited and has lots of questions, especially about the plane…

….so here's hoping there will be some time for blogging or some small tidbits of news as we go forward.

Thank you to everyone who has posted messages of support, here, on the Facebook page, and also sent me privately!

Many of these were from family and friends but many more were from the adoption community. It is amazing that by just adding one person to my family and now another one, I have also added all of you, our extended adoption family too.  All of you know this unique and wondrous journey better than anyone!

Grazie dal cuore.

One more sleep…..

…..okay, a part of me just wants to be at the airport right now and get this trip started and/or be there already…...and the other part of me woke up with lots of fears….my sleeps have been so so…wake up in the middle of the night thinking of things that I still have to do…very few….and then worry about things I have no control over, mostly over how Matteo will handle travel as well as how it will all go with Malia!!!!

…I did; however, wake to a bit of a glitch in our hotel accommodation…seems like the first three days we are without accommodation?? …..our agency rep. is working on solving this but it did bring a bit of stress…definitely did not want to have to change locations and/or change rooms if it can be helped??  As was hoping to settle in and get organized there for those days while dealing with jet lag…but this too shall be solved….I think when I travelled for Matteo the same thing happened though there was not space for us at all in the hotel we had requested? We stayed in Vung Tau and were able to get a small apartment in the hotel two blocks away…but if I remember correctly, timing seems to be the same….

….anyhow most things are done, and it is a grey day today…though the sun is trying to shine…..

…..I am just so ready to not be here and be there and continue our summer 2015 in Viet nam!!!

Two more sleeps….

……It is the long weekend here in Ontario and as I sit on my deck the backyard courtyard is very quiet.   For us of course our focus is not on the long weekend but on getting everything done…

….today on the agenda is finalizing and organizing the documents I plan to bring for both Malia's file and Matteo's ….while Matteo has his Canadian passport, I was advised to bring some adoption documents, notable ones to attest to the fact that I adopted him and that I did so as a single person (and name change etc.) which of course is already on file at our Passport office but for Customs in Vietnam.
 I am not bringing any original documents, but had the original documents notarized by our lawyer.

For Malia, I will receive her originals in Viet Nam but for now will bring copies of her dossier, and letters from the Ministry of Children in Ontario as well as Citizenship Part II information.  It seems that this time around there is also a document from the Ministry in Ontario that is also submitted for the Canadian Passport request at the Canadian Consulate after the adoption.  One of these forms was already forwarded to Singapore by the Ministry and a hard copy sent to my home directly.

….And of course there is the photocopying of other travel documents and credit cards should any of these get lost/stolen.

….Other than these above, I am still finalizing our clothing packing….doesn't look like I'll be able to close all three suitcases today, but two should be closed by tomorrow and then number 3 on Tuesday.

….I am looking forward to the next travelling we'll do with my little family where it is more about just relaxing and enjoying our vacation.  This is not a vacation, though we do hope to try to enjoy it as much as we can, but like the last time, I found there was stress involved in going through the final paperwork process and then getting back to Canada. In between the paperwork I do hope we can relax and do a little bit of touring as well as a bit of relaxing by the pool.

…..the highs and lows in my emotions continue…..and even Matteo is experiencing some of that…so we will take it slow today and hope that we manage to remain calm yet excited. Every morning now, one of his first questions is…"how many days left now mommy until we leave?"

Two more sleeps my son!

Three more sleeps…..

…and the to-do list is getting shorter! Tonight some laundry and I hope some final packing/ closing of suitcases….I had planned to take two suitcases but am now bringing a third small one.   After some final messages, letting me know that gifts for the children were welcome, I ended up buying some markers and crayons and construction paper for the children and of course needed more space so instead of trying to fit everything in, decided to just bring the third….I think this also happened when I was packing for Matteo's adoption journey??…..more room for some gifts (I hope) on our return!

   Matteo is counting the days too. Every night he asks me how many more days to go before we leave. He's also been staying quite close, asking to sleep in my bed.  We usually do this during the summer sometimes anyhow but I think he too is feeling nervous/excited.  On our agenda tomorrow is to see which small toys he wants to bring and some books, some colouring materials and paper and photocopies for the plane and for our time in Viet nam.  Trying to make sure he has some familiar things to help with his transition there.  He doesn't do transitions well, so hoping that the comfort of things he likes to do and toys to play with will help him.

For now here's a photo of our splash pad fun….we met up with his day camp/extended program caregivers.  We have their summer schedule and at first Matteo was very shy and then he got back into the rhythm of playing with his friends.