Praying for sure. This has been a trying week! As I wrote in my last blog post there were some questions on the file that the Ministry had….all answers were given as of Thursday morning, and now I wait. All timelines seem to be off now, in flux, unpredictable…each step has taken its twist and turn, each step has chipped away at my heart a little bit and knotted my stomach a bit more…
...even my sleep is now off….part of me thinks I should have taught summer school as I planned. I would have had a classroom full of adolescents to think of and prep and marking and no time to do all the worrying I've done. I know it will all work out in the end, (at least that's what I keep telling myself) I know it will deep in my heart, but this process, oh this process, what an inhumane process!! I remember at the beginning or part way through my first home study, I remember my sw (or I think it was her) asking me if she thought that as an adoptive parent I would then become an advocate for adoption etc. At the time I may have said something glib like, well I know I will be an advocate for my child and my child is adopted so in some instances, maybe I will…..however now, and after all the paperwork is done and all the t's are crossed and i's are dotted, I will definitely see what and who I can speak to about some of the things that have gone on….I will not write about them now, as for now I am just trying to survive them….and in the greater scheme of life, they are not life threatening etc….but they sure are life altering….a child is waiting and a match has been made and still we are made to wait, we are made to still answer questions that have been asked and answered…but I'm saying too much……more later….
…all to say I don't think travel will be as soon as hoped…I am even trying to prepare myself for the possibility that I may not travel until September if things continue as they are!! I may even start work and then have to leave shortly after??? As a teacher the timing would be awful but I wouldn't be the only one who has done this….and for Matteo I guess starting and getting settled is better than missing the beginning….but oh, it would have been so wonderful if at least the timing for the travel and the adoption would have worked to get Malia home sooner, for us to have some family time together before Matteo heads back to school…but that dream is slowly fading…for now I am just praying that the paperwork hurdles are not as daunting as this week has felt…..I referred to it as labour pains, nausea, feeling so unsettled, so disturbed, the ground below me is shifting, I know it will as life as a family as we know it will change, but oh the breaking of the ground beneath my feet is breaking oh so slowly and my feet are trying to find a firm place to stand…it is making me feel so so very vulnerable for me and my family. There has to be another way, there has to!
…for now I am hanging on to Matteo, his day camp is over and we are home together now. That is good and I hope to make the most of it as this will be our last time as a family of two (I hope), and I pray, I pray daily every moment, to take away the anxiety I feel, to help me live in this moment, to enjoy this moment, to still my heart……to let instead my heart stay open to the mysteries of life and the miracles of unplanned roads we travel.
Saturday, July 18, 2015
Monday, July 13, 2015
Still waiting on the 17…..
….yes the roller coaster ride is going for an additional dip and spin it seems….there are some questions that the ministry had, all minor, I've been told but will have to conference with my sw later tonight or tomorrow and see what its all about and the agency will send their reply tomorrow…again, nothing major I'm told…but as those of you who have been on this journey know, any hiccup always feels MAJOR!!…so I'm trying to stay calm and trust that this too shall pass and all roads lead to my daughter.
For now, tonight Matteo and I got our Vietnam visa photos done so as soon as we can book, we can head over to the Embassy to apply for our VISAs…in the next few years this won't be necessary for Canadians travelling to Vietnam, but for now we will still need this…there is a question about whether Matteo will get an exemption as he still retains his Vietnamese citizenship and his passport is still valid…we'll see what they say when we go through this still…
For now while I'm trying to distract myself will post a few photos of our two great weekend outings…our local pool is seeing us regularly and with family we headed out to Fitzroy Harbour provincial park for a day long picnic. Matteo and I headed out early and were the first to arrive at the beach and it was so quiet and peaceful…at least for about an hour until everyone else began arriving. I do love this park…..it is close to us, has great facilities, picnic areas are close to the beach and there's plenty of shade.
For now, tonight Matteo and I got our Vietnam visa photos done so as soon as we can book, we can head over to the Embassy to apply for our VISAs…in the next few years this won't be necessary for Canadians travelling to Vietnam, but for now we will still need this…there is a question about whether Matteo will get an exemption as he still retains his Vietnamese citizenship and his passport is still valid…we'll see what they say when we go through this still…
For now while I'm trying to distract myself will post a few photos of our two great weekend outings…our local pool is seeing us regularly and with family we headed out to Fitzroy Harbour provincial park for a day long picnic. Matteo and I headed out early and were the first to arrive at the beach and it was so quiet and peaceful…at least for about an hour until everyone else began arriving. I do love this park…..it is close to us, has great facilities, picnic areas are close to the beach and there's plenty of shade.
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Canada day memories….
Canada day 2015 will remain in our hearts and our minds as one that stands out….here are a few photos that will continue to remind us that soon there will be a second little Canadian to join our family.
Friday, July 3, 2015
Final Canadian paperwork….
…well last night my social worker came over for the final home visit required in Ontario and we discussed Malia as well signed the consent forms….these have been sent off to the agency which I hope will send them to the Ontario Ministry early next week…I believe my agency's office is closed today….so for my part, there are no more papers here (Canada) for me, to do until after the adoption. It is now in the Ministry and Agency's hands….once the 17 is signed in Toronto it will be faxed/sent to Viet Nam and we go from there….and yes I will keep everyone posted…..
…for now decided to take a breath and on Monday start to make my lists of what needs to be done so that we are ready to travel as soon as we're told we can!
…for now decided to take a breath and on Monday start to make my lists of what needs to be done so that we are ready to travel as soon as we're told we can!
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
An emotional day….
….I'm not sure if I'm totally calm yet, but slowly I'm starting to get there (and of course just as I feel calm about this step, the worries quickly set in for the next)…..there are a few more hurdles still but the 16 was signed and now the paperwork moves back to Canada.
This has been an unusual unofficial referral but one that has felt more right than the other two. When all was said and done, I kept hanging on to the one thought that the right child who needed us would be put into our lives and into our family. That happened in mid-May of this year….and the last 5 weeks our files were being matched in Viet Nam. She was paper ready and now it was our turn. The 16 took its own twists and turns, but this morning I got the best email ever, letting me know it was signed and released! What a feeling….
…as it was Canada day we had planned to head downtown for a bit. It was a grey day with rain off and on and small bursts of sunshine. I was very emotional and was glad for the rain as it covered the tears that I was shedding. My tears were both for sadness and joy. I cried for Malio and I cried for the other little girl and for all the children who find themselves hoping for families. Then I cried for my daughter. She is our little miracle because there definitely was a Force bigger than all of us that brought us together.
….and if all goes well with the 17 in Toronto, then we are still hoping to travel by the end of July to finalize the adoption. She is in the south so we will head back to HCMC.
…to tell you a little bit about her….I will name her Malia (after my mother) and am still deciding about her middle name(s). She will turn 3 in October but is very small but considering what she has gone through is doing really well! I am anxious to get her home and pray that the next steps in the process are smooth though these past few months have been anything but. So I will hope for the best but be open to things going wrong. The roller coaster ride is continuing but with the official 16 being signed I am starting to see the off ramp on this ride.
…Matteo is anxious to have his sister home too and he is so ready for her and to be a big brother. When I told him about Malia, the first thing he said was "I knew it, a sister."….so if you recall that drawing he did, I have reposted it here, with the dragonflies, so a little girl was out there waiting for us and it seems both of our roads took different turns away from each other but now we are connected and are on the same path.
Here's to dreams being realized!
This has been an unusual unofficial referral but one that has felt more right than the other two. When all was said and done, I kept hanging on to the one thought that the right child who needed us would be put into our lives and into our family. That happened in mid-May of this year….and the last 5 weeks our files were being matched in Viet Nam. She was paper ready and now it was our turn. The 16 took its own twists and turns, but this morning I got the best email ever, letting me know it was signed and released! What a feeling….
…as it was Canada day we had planned to head downtown for a bit. It was a grey day with rain off and on and small bursts of sunshine. I was very emotional and was glad for the rain as it covered the tears that I was shedding. My tears were both for sadness and joy. I cried for Malio and I cried for the other little girl and for all the children who find themselves hoping for families. Then I cried for my daughter. She is our little miracle because there definitely was a Force bigger than all of us that brought us together.
….and if all goes well with the 17 in Toronto, then we are still hoping to travel by the end of July to finalize the adoption. She is in the south so we will head back to HCMC.
…to tell you a little bit about her….I will name her Malia (after my mother) and am still deciding about her middle name(s). She will turn 3 in October but is very small but considering what she has gone through is doing really well! I am anxious to get her home and pray that the next steps in the process are smooth though these past few months have been anything but. So I will hope for the best but be open to things going wrong. The roller coaster ride is continuing but with the official 16 being signed I am starting to see the off ramp on this ride.
…Matteo is anxious to have his sister home too and he is so ready for her and to be a big brother. When I told him about Malia, the first thing he said was "I knew it, a sister."….so if you recall that drawing he did, I have reposted it here, with the dragonflies, so a little girl was out there waiting for us and it seems both of our roads took different turns away from each other but now we are connected and are on the same path.
Here's to dreams being realized!
Monday, June 29, 2015
Comparing the first day of JK to the last day of JK….
…what a difference 10 months make….Matteo was wearing the same shorts and t-shirt and you can clearly see how he has grown, sprouted more like it…in so many ways beyond his height….he is still the "ham" with the great sense of humour for the most part - (though I'm still trying to accept the "funny" thing he did on his last day of Vietnamese school!!)…
…...yet he has learned so much…he speaks some French, still loves books a lot, loves to sing, asks lots of questions, is very sensitive and hurt when his friends don't want to play with him and terrifically excited when he has had a great playing day with friends!! He loves animals real and stuffed ones and cries if he hears of an animal being hurt.…and also wants to pet and say hello and learn the name of all the dogs we encounter in our neighbourhood….
…. for his mommy the best part is that he is now reading at Level 1!! He received some Level 1 Lightening McQueen readers and after family left on the day of his 5th birthday, he actually started reading with me…so May 30, became a milestone not only for turning 5, but for his first reading day.
He still struggles with not wanting to practice his letters or numbers, something his teachers have encouraged me to work with, but LOVES copying letters in order to spell something specific…so we will try for practicing concrete words etc…..he loves stickers, loves giving raspberry kisses, loves being a big boy, gives lots of compliments but finds it hard to get a "no"….He also has a bad temper and when something isn't the way he wants it, everyone sure hears about it…at times he throws books, stuffs, and utensils and we are working on having him use his words to express his feelings and not to be aggressive with throwing….he is getting better, but this is something we will continue to work on…
….He loves being and behaving grown up, helping out at home, feeding the cats, helping with laundry, putting away his laundry, putting away groceries, recycling, but also loves being fed like I did when he was a baby….he loves hearing stories of my trip to adopt him, and does still go through his adoption book…and loves hearing stories of when he was a baby….
….he loves to colour and look at his books..his desk is always piled with books and papers and markers all over the place….as he is working on so many different projects all at once…
…he still loves his trains but is definitely more into cars these days….he loved his Vietnamese class, but it was still a struggle to get him there….…..I'm not sure he is understanding much of what adoption means, but I am trying to keep the conversation going when he wants to talk about it…
.....I am so proud of this little boy. It has been a tough year for us, and never imagined I would have to be dealing with such serious matters with him as the death of our cat and then the death of what we had accepted and hoped to be his younger brother, another son for me…we will never forget Malio; however, we have both come through this in our own way and hopefully the future will bring a new blessing into our lives…all the more valuable because we have experienced the vulnerability and loss…
….for now, we wait and while we are settling into the reality of summer, we are also trying to keep our dream alive and fully in the forefront of our plans.
September 2014
June 2015
…...yet he has learned so much…he speaks some French, still loves books a lot, loves to sing, asks lots of questions, is very sensitive and hurt when his friends don't want to play with him and terrifically excited when he has had a great playing day with friends!! He loves animals real and stuffed ones and cries if he hears of an animal being hurt.…and also wants to pet and say hello and learn the name of all the dogs we encounter in our neighbourhood….
…. for his mommy the best part is that he is now reading at Level 1!! He received some Level 1 Lightening McQueen readers and after family left on the day of his 5th birthday, he actually started reading with me…so May 30, became a milestone not only for turning 5, but for his first reading day.
He still struggles with not wanting to practice his letters or numbers, something his teachers have encouraged me to work with, but LOVES copying letters in order to spell something specific…so we will try for practicing concrete words etc…..he loves stickers, loves giving raspberry kisses, loves being a big boy, gives lots of compliments but finds it hard to get a "no"….He also has a bad temper and when something isn't the way he wants it, everyone sure hears about it…at times he throws books, stuffs, and utensils and we are working on having him use his words to express his feelings and not to be aggressive with throwing….he is getting better, but this is something we will continue to work on…
….He loves being and behaving grown up, helping out at home, feeding the cats, helping with laundry, putting away his laundry, putting away groceries, recycling, but also loves being fed like I did when he was a baby….he loves hearing stories of my trip to adopt him, and does still go through his adoption book…and loves hearing stories of when he was a baby….
….he loves to colour and look at his books..his desk is always piled with books and papers and markers all over the place….as he is working on so many different projects all at once…
…he still loves his trains but is definitely more into cars these days….he loved his Vietnamese class, but it was still a struggle to get him there….…..I'm not sure he is understanding much of what adoption means, but I am trying to keep the conversation going when he wants to talk about it…
.....I am so proud of this little boy. It has been a tough year for us, and never imagined I would have to be dealing with such serious matters with him as the death of our cat and then the death of what we had accepted and hoped to be his younger brother, another son for me…we will never forget Malio; however, we have both come through this in our own way and hopefully the future will bring a new blessing into our lives…all the more valuable because we have experienced the vulnerability and loss…
….for now, we wait and while we are settling into the reality of summer, we are also trying to keep our dream alive and fully in the forefront of our plans.
September 2014
June 2015
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