Happy 22 months birthday Matteo...

....still can't believe that in 2 months I'll have a two year old running around!!....to celebrate tomorrow we hope to have some dairy queen ice cream after getting some passport photos taken, for him to update his passport, for me for my 2nd adoption application.  As I was saying to E and C, I'm not sure this is all going to happen, but I started this whole adoption journey with the idea of two children in mind....and while the journey to Matteo was full of its own twists and turns, I am trying to trust that this next child will come into our lives if it is meant to be.

  I remember just before I got Matteo's referral in July of 2010, I had sort of given up and felt it wasn't going to happen...a part of me had decided that if I did not get a referral through the summer and I was asked to do a homestudy update, as it was expiring at the end of September, then I was going to let go and trust that it was not meant to be. I sort of feel the same now, in the sense that when I thought of getting on this roller coaster again (I hate roller coasters..was on one only once and promptly threw up at the end of it..) anyhow back in January all I could think of was the infinite wait, life on hold, uncertainty, desperation, fear, joy, and all sorts of emotions...anyhow I'm not sure at what point but somewhere between Jan and now, I came to accept that if Matteo doesn't have a sibling we would be okay, just as I had accepted that if Matteo, or at that point, some idea of a child, would not come into my life, I would be okay.  You know sort of like when someone says you have to let go and let God work in your life....and trust that whatever happens you'll be okay.... Anyhow I sort of feel that again, and am perfectly happy and will not feel frustrated (then again I might with some things )if it doesn't work out, I feel at peace with that, but at the same time I know it is something I will always regret if I don't at least try...so I'm trying and yes going to get my barf bags ready for the roller coaster ride.

 So the reality is, things have changed slightly at the agency with how they are handling files...it turns out that I will only be put on a list once my homestudy is approved at the ministry, so that approval date is what will decide where I'm at...once that happens if I have understood correctly I will also be logged in, in Vietnam....so we are hoping that we can get the update done asap...or at least submitting by end of June early July, which I believe was the time period that my first homestudy was sent to the ministry..so I like that....and then, I, we, like many other families wait...but I am blessed to have someone to wait with now...

I have decided to go the special needs route, 0-24 months, minor correctable special need....and while it is not a hard a fast rule, the ministry would like Matteo to be at least 18 months older than his sibling....I am open to either sex, though I guess I think I am hoping for a girl, but don't think I will specify....so that's where we're at at the moment on the adoption #2 front...

As for Matteo and his new daycare, he is doing remarkably well...still transitioning but for the past couple of days he hasn't cried when I've dropped him off so that is great....he has a few caregivers, but two are the main ones in his room, and two floaters....it is a great place...hope to get some other photos but here are a few, a couple from the daycare and then one taken today, with Matteo trying to wear mommy's hat...he has such a great sense of humour, when I almost put my hat on him at the daycare, as soon as we got home he wanted to try it out and wore it around the house while he played....

 

Things I am hoping to write about soon....

Matteo's new daycare
First social worker visit for possible adoption #2
the job
Matteo is almost 22 months old

but for now a wonderful photo of the brief summer like weather we had in March...one day 27 degrees....tonight they're calling for freezing rain, so for now the photo is the memory of a brief blip in weather conditions with the hope of real summer days ahead.....

Happy 21 months....well for the most part....

Well it has been a very busy month, that started with a computer crash and lots of things lost (still not dealing with that but it explains the absence of blogging) and a very very tough week. Matteo I think is already experiencing some terrible two tantrums, even though he is only 21 months old! We celebrated his being 21 months old with the little boy being sick...and ended up at CHEO again last Sunday as Matteo woke up with very bad hives and very itchy...didn't know what was happening to his little body...had planned to go to see his doctor in the morning but Sunday night he kept waking up with a hoarser and hoarser voice and then seemed to be having trouble breathing...I decided that instead of waiting for the middle of the night, we'd head to CHEO as I was worried he was having some kind of allergic reaction that was getting worse.

Well 4 hours later, emergency doctor thought he was experiencing an allergic reaction to something, but she didn't think it was food but maybe something else and not to worry it happens often to children and sometimes won't happen again so she said I shouldn't try to figure it out.  The night before I hosted our monthly SPA gathering (Single Parents adoption group) and there were lots of adults and six children so knew there were new smells and stuff, but nothing I don't think out of the ordinary. I tried to tell the doctor that Matteo seemed a bit off the last few days and she felt the hives and the breathing were two different things..he had a cold and she could hear some congestion. They tried to give him some benadryl, cinnamon flavoured and he promptly threw up!!  So at 4:30 we headed home exhausted. We both slept a bit,  but Matteo was up 3 hours later.....but then had some other symptoms and the hives seemed to have gone away.

On Tuesday we had our previously scheduled CHEO adoption clinic appointment, our last one, and the doctors were great. They felt taken together all of Matteo's symptoms, it is more likely that he is fighting some kind of virus that has symptoms like hives, low grade fever, and the other things I won't mention here. We had a couple of sleepless nights of him waking up often and I'm not at my best when I'm tired...but bubblegum flavoured benadryl also didn't stay down, but with his milk it is, so that is how we're coping for the week....Anyhow he is much better now, he stayed out of daycare for a day and the hives are continuing but much smaller. He is a tough little boy, who loves eating snow, who would watch Thomas the train 24 hours a day if I let him, who likes roaring like a lion, and gurgling like a fish.  He can be as sweet as my saying I was feeling cold and next thing I know he was bringing me my sweater, and then on the other side he can scream so loud just because he doesn't want to get in the car seat, or if I tell him to say goodbye to Thomas for a bit....he likes what he likes etc...but is learning so much and changing every day.

The other birthday present which may be more positive though we have not made a firm decision yet, is that a daycare spot has opened up in a daycare that is run out of the elementary school in the neighbourhood that Matteo will attend one day (where I went to school as well!!). It is a licensed centre and a subsidized spot, however I want to see Matteo in the space and see how he reacts. It is a ratio of five children for one caregiver in the toddler program and all have ECE qualifications and from what I saw it looked great.  It was started by parents and is a non-profit centre where parents are heavily involved so we will see.  I am sad to leave my cousins as Matteo is very very happy there and she is so so good to him. She won't be able to fit us in full-time until September and that was what we were going to do and then this spot opened up.

The job is going well and there is enough work for me to put in a few more hours so that is good. I am really enjoying it and it is even allowing me to dream of possibilities and future dreams of living in Italy for a year and Vietnam too. As I work at home on a computer and the work is not tied to one place, (one of our team is in Vancouver) there are options of still having a job and working far away!! As long as there's an internet link, I can do my work! Of course at the moment these are all dreams and off in the distance, but it is nice to dream. Matteo was a dream and he is now a reality, so dreams really do come true.

Anyhow  I am glad this week is over and Matteo is sleeping soundly at the moment....2012 continues to surprise us and I continually feel blessed at how well we are being taken care of even when things are bad...we are being guided and new pathways are always opening up.  For now the immediate plan is to catch up on sleep and praying the little one is even better tomorrow.

Here is a photo to remember Matteo's hives and then a couple of photos of the SPA gathering with the six children all playing with Matteo's toys and he was so good with sharing (for the most part).

The importance of language...

Had a very frustrating experience at Service Canada today.  I went to Service Ontario first of all to request a new health card in Matteo's new name. No difficulty there...while I brought my adoption documents, all she wanted was the legal name change certificate and a piece of ID from me. At Service Canada, in the same building, my request for a new SIN number was more complicated. She wanted my own SIN and/or piece of ID....and then she wanted my mother's maiden name? and then she had me fill out this form and she kept saying that the form needed information on Matteo's birth mother.  I told her I don't have that information and then she said it was my birth mother she wanted? So I started to add my mother's name, not being sure why..and then she interrupted me and then tried to explain again, always saying birth mother..and finally just "you're his mother"....in the end, what she wanted was my information as Matteo's mother, though she didn't know enough to say she wanted the adopted mother's information, and kept saying birth mother.  I'm still not sure if this was a language problem, as in she was French and she did not have the English vocabulary to say adopted mother, or she just wasn't sure what to call me in the proper adoption language. But it was frustrating and maddening to have to repeat to her a few times, I do not have my son's birth family information as he is adopted.  I left somehow feeling that my mine and Matteo's privacy were somehow invaded...as of course people waiting behind us could hear the conversation.  It spoiled the next couple of hours of my afternoon as I fumed about such an awful experience and then getting very angry that I could not have gotten Matteo's name changed through the adoption.  I somehow feel that the paperwork for the adoption is not yet over as I go through these next hurdles for new documentation...

1. New Health card - 30 days
2. New SIN card - 10 days
3. New Passport - 10 days if done in person (which I will) (whole new passport/photos/fees)
4. New Citizenship card - 10 months plus (new photos etc.)
5. Registering at Revenue Canada the name change - 6-8 weeks.
6. RESP name change...

Have I forgotten anything?......so frustrating!!!

....the paperwork continues....

Happy 20 month birthday Matteo!

Decided to change this to a 20 month post. Today Matteo got another vaccine and he was weighed. He is now 25 lbs and is definitely a bit taller. They forgot to measure him, but he was in excellent spirits.  For now I still want to record the words he knows....my list keeps growing as he reminds me daily of other words he knows and uses.
At this point Matteo's new words continue to blossom and I wanted to try to record them here so I don't forget them....

1. Mama
2. mammie 

3, Bowh - Bao

4, Choo Choo - Thomas the train and/or any train

5. mehmo - Elmo

6. mor - more (can sign this too)

7. bir - bird (can sign for bird too) can sign for help me, but doesn't say the word.

8. bubo - bubble
9. bubu- baloon

10. too  - 2

11. no - no

12. bapo - apple

13. nana - Mana (nickname for my niece Madeline)

14. caku - cracker

15. car

16. poon - spoon/fork

17. giu - juice

18. baba - Rosalba (my sister)

19. bable - milk bottle

20. bol - bowl

21. shu - shoe

22. bawl - ball

23. cat- cat

24. doh - dog

25. Bebi - baby

26. T and T - Tand T Asian foods store

27. Rabu -Robert
28. Knamo - Adamo
29. stee - Steve

30. gack gack - quack quack

31. pata - pasta

32. hi - hi
33. curl - squirrel
34. moo - cow
35. woh woh - yoyo
36. aharr - lion/ tiger
37. go
38. Baba - Peanut butter/butter
39. cauk - clock/watch
40. sno - snow
41. ko - cold
42. bok - block
43. tee - teeth
44. muk - milk
45. pee - peas
46. caphe - coffee
47. dan-tawn - downtown
48. kookey - cookie
49. kees - keys
50. bahbah - banana
51. tarr - star
52. bahtin - button
53. turtu - turtle
54. lea - leaf
55. gon - gone

Name change official

Today I received the certificate in the mail letting me know that as of January 20, 2012, Matteo's name has been officially changed and he now legally has my last name too.  On December 29, I received the original documents I sent and as noted in my blog here, I did not get any new translations but they accepted the translations with attached affidavits, that were done in Viet nam!!  A happy day. It brought a tear to my eye!

New beginnings...Chuc Mung Nam Moi! (Happy New Year!)

Who knew that the new year would start off with so many new changes...and then again, many things remain the same. Have been trying to update the blog for awhile now but seems like the time is flying and January is almost over.

Just a few days before Christmas I got a message from the president of an eLearning company that I was in touch with earlier in the year.  We discussed my new job and with the first week in January, like that, I was on the path of a new career. While it is still in the field of education, my role will be that of an instructional designer, so no direct teaching. I have been wanting to move out of teaching for a while....no need to go into the reasons why.... They have many government contracts and the best best part of it, is that they are very family friendly, most of us have children. We all work from our homes. Our meetings are virtual, though I do have client meetings...had my first one this week.  Anyhow the hours are flexible...which means I can choose my hours, of course as long as I get my work done. It also means that when Matteo is in school, I'll be able to walk him there and be here for him when he returns. A stay at home mom of sorts, with a great career. At the moment I am only working about 20-25 hours a week with one client though that will change in the future.  I still have some work from other jobs that I am trying to top off and they're aware of this.  They have been so supportive and can't believe our turn in fortune. I am trying to do a great job so that it all continues to work out. We are trying each other out for 4 months and then will re-negotiate the terms of my employment...so praying it falls into place.  It feels really right.  Even a few months back when I sent off my CV, I got a call within an hour, and an interview at my kitchen table the next day.  At that point I was still on parental leave and teaching, so could not make a move though we said we would keep in touch and continue to talk...and the timing came through.  It has been hectic though as the same week I started the job, my new student tenant arrived from Zambia. She is doing well and settling in, though it was a challenging few weeks of juggling everything.

   As for Matteo and daycare. I am still in the process of looking for a full-time space and praying that it opens up at my cousins. This is where Matteo went in December and while the first day was very hard and he cried and whimpered for most of it...by the third day he was a happy camper, reaching for my cousin and even making a couple of new friends, one in my cousin's 12 year old son and another in a little 4 year old who she also cares for. Right now Matteo is still at my cousins for 3 days a week, which is all she can fit in. She has flexible work weeks with parents who don't use her full time. Some have children in school half a day, in the a.m. or p.m...some only come after school...so her home is very warm with various age groups. Matteo is the youngest in the days that he is there. She has no space to fit us in more than she has  but Matteo is thriving with her and sometimes doesn't want to leave. So we have 4 days together and then daycare for 3. The first day he cries a little but quickly gets into the rhythm. He is learning new words and I think the older children are helping with that. My cousin is great with children and she knows how to appeal to Matteo's sense of humor.  While it is about a 13 minute drive, it is well worth it.  However if she doesn't have a spot and I'm needing to work more hours, we will deal with it at the time, and I am still looking, and praying that my cousin is able to squeeze us in two more days....though my employer continues to suggest that once I get into the rhythm, I can work in the evenings and have more time with my son during the days, and only have him in daycare part-time....that is what I'm trying for.

  Anyhow the other news that is also pretty major  that also landed on my plate now is my second adoption, a sibling for Matteo. I registered for this in February of 2010 as I was awaiting my referral for Matteo.  Have tried not to think about it too much as both it was so far away but also because I wasn't sure I wanted to get back on that waiting wheel again...but was told this week that they are ready for my updated home study whenever I am ready to submit. I have decided to adopt a special needs child, if it is meant to be, which also brings me back to the very beginning of my adoption journey where I thought I was going to adopt an older child through the local CAS...and then special needs to China, and then switched to Vietnam...so now still with Vietnam but special needs.... Have had a few discussions on this with my social worker but nothing firm yet and still too early to decide but will need to discuss this, though I am considering an older child.  It apparently is not a rule that you can't adopt outside of birth order but  like anything have to show that I am aware of the challenges...would still like to not, so we'll see what our options are. I think more and more and especially after seeing Matteo with the other children at my cousins, I feel he is ready to have a sister or brother...though again no timelines are being given to me, only that the special needs program is much more fluid.

  And getting this new job is just the right timing, though I might have to wait until April or May when I have a more permanent contract.  I'll see what my social worker says on that one....and of course need to sort out the finances too....so am trying to trust just as so many things are falling into place, that if this is meant to be, if it is God's will that we open our lives and hearts to another child to love, then it will happen.  I think if I think of the awful wait and the anxiety of the wait, I don't want to do this, but when I think of Matteo growing up without a sibling, then that is pushing me forward. So happy new year to us, lots of new doors opening, have had to close a few to the past, but that is life, live and learn. Life pushes us forward even when we think we're not ready. But that is life isn't it, a big fat risk and a wonderful roller coaster ride, with all kinds of emotions, both good and bad. That is, if you choose to trust in it and make new decisions and new choices and allow change to happen and bring you to places you never imagined.

Happy New Year to all of us.  Chuc Mung Nam Moi! (Happy New Year!)   

...and speaking of new year...Matteo and I went to the Vietnamese Ambassador's reception at our Arts Centre...it was nice but not child friendly....see some photos below of Matteo in his first vest and tie..he looked so cute (as well as some snow photos) ..we were hoping to meet the Ambassador but it was not to be.  Anyhow I am considering organizing with my agency's blessing, and maybe the embassy too,  a child friendly event to celebrate Tet for next year...probably something small to start, and a fund raiser for a water buffalo perhaps....if I can't do it officially may still do it as a fund raiser..but for friends and family...something to think about...for now have received some tips for where to get the traditional  Banh Chung and it is right in our neighbourhood....so that is our plan for the weekend!!