Four more sleeps…...

Well most major things are done, flights, hotel, insurance, but still finalizing cat care details, packing, and things like haircuts, and paperwork to bring. I am starting to feel calmer but of course I go between, calmness, excitement, fear, joy, anxiety, exhilaration and back and forth!!….

….definitely am keeping in mind all the things I learned the first time around about "living" in Vietnam for a short time; however, it has been five years and things in life always continue to change and grow.

Just found out that Matteo's orphanage has moved locations but it is no longer an orphanage. After the shut down it no longer accepted children and the director has moved on.  The centre exists in another form about 7 kms away from where it was once located, though it is a children's centre, it does not deal in adoptions. This helps with one decision I don't need to make as we are hoping to get back to Vung Tau, but not sure how Matteo would react to going inside.  He at times wants me to talk about his adoption and we look at his adoption story book, and at other times he pushes it away…so will take my cues with him….trying to prepare him to know we will not be able to take Malia right away, he, like his momma, is ready to take her home with us….but we will need to continue to be patient….for today, we have haircuts on  the agenda and hopefully a fun afternoon at the splash pad.

Travel is booked Viet Nam here (I) we come (again)!!….

Well as of yesterday travel was officially confirmed for August 4….I won't go into the twists and turns of this decision and the travel booking, suffice it to say if you can avoid travelling in August or September, then do it….I am glad we booked to go early because the reality is that we might not have been able to get there when they wanted us to, if we waited any longer…..the G&R is not yet set but there is a "reasonable" timeline suggested though of course this is out of the agency's hands…so we will just have to wait and see how things fall into place….however despite costs being higher and the uncertainty, I am so happy to be going back and to have some extra time there….

I am of course praying that there will be no final glitches in paperwork etc…and that soon Malia Nhi can join our family and we too can embrace her.

For now there is excitement, joy, fear, stress, wonder, humility, frustration and happiness.  I am especially hoping that all the details will be sorted out so that soon the only emotion I will open myself to is to falling in love with my new daughter.  Love doesn't come instantly when we adopt, for me and Matteo I definitely embraced him from the moment I met him, but my love continues to grow as I get to know the little person he is….I am sure so too with Malia Nhi as she is new to us and we are new to her, it might take time for all of us to grow in love….but we are ready for this journey to begin for sure!!!  We are so ready!! (not that everything is ready physically but emotionally and psychologically we are there!)

17 is nestled in its bed in Viet Nam!!

…well yesterday I got the news I was praying for….in the late afternoon found out that the 17 was signed and released.  In the early evening I received my copies of these documents and was told they were sent to Viet Nam yesterday morning.  While there are a few more small hurdles to jump, they do not compare with the 16 or 17 for sure!! Still feeling very battered and bruised.

…this morning applied for our Vietnam Visas…as we are hoping to go earlier, and because of the unpredictability of things, we applied for a 3 month Visa….Matteo as he still retains his Vietnamese citizenship applied for an exemption…a much lower fee.

….We were able to get some flight costs but as timelines are unpredictable, the prices were so much higher than I had anticipated….If we go early then my sister can still travel with us, but costs and budgets are needing to be reviewed…..we are taking the weekend to regroup and see where things stand at the moment…no indication of a G&R date, only my own estimation from the timelines of others….hoping next week we'll find out how far down the final road the 17 has travelled and then hopefully make a decision….I so would like to be there now and have Malia with us and already in our family…..but we need to be patient just a little bit more!

Still no 17!!!!!

Praying for sure.  This has been a trying week!  As I wrote in my last blog post there were some questions on the file that the Ministry had….all answers were given as of Thursday morning, and now I wait.  All timelines seem to be off now, in flux, unpredictable…each step has taken its twist and turn, each step has chipped away at my heart a little bit and knotted my stomach a bit more…

...even my sleep is now off….part of me thinks I should have taught summer school as I planned. I would have had a classroom full of adolescents to think of and prep and marking and no time to do all the worrying I've done.  I know it will all work out in the end, (at least that's what I keep telling myself) I know it will deep in my heart, but this process, oh this process, what an inhumane process!!  I remember at the beginning or part way through my first home study, I remember my sw (or I think it was her) asking me if she thought that as an adoptive parent I would then become an advocate for adoption etc.  At the time I may have said something glib like, well I know I will be an advocate for my child and my child is adopted so in some instances, maybe I will…..however now, and after all the paperwork is done and all the t's are crossed and i's are dotted, I will definitely see what and who I can speak to about some of the things that have gone on….I will not write about them now, as for now I am just trying to survive them….and in the greater scheme of life, they are not life threatening etc….but they sure are life altering….a child is waiting and a match has been made and still we are made to wait, we are made to still answer questions that have been asked and answered…but I'm saying too much……more later….

…all to say I don't think travel will be as soon as hoped…I am even trying to prepare myself for the possibility that I may not travel until September if things continue as they are!!  I may even start work and then have to leave shortly after??? As a teacher the timing would be awful but I wouldn't be the only one who has done this….and for Matteo I guess starting and getting settled is better than missing the beginning….but oh, it would have been so wonderful if at least the timing for the travel and the adoption would have worked to get Malia home sooner, for us to have some family time together before Matteo heads back to school…but that dream is slowly fading…for now I am just praying that the paperwork hurdles are not as daunting as this week has felt…..I referred to it as labour pains, nausea, feeling so unsettled, so disturbed, the ground below me is shifting, I know it will as life as a family as we know it will change, but oh the breaking of the ground beneath my feet is breaking oh so slowly and my feet are trying to find a firm place to stand…it is making me feel so so very vulnerable for me and my family.  There has to be another way, there has to!

…for now I am hanging on to Matteo, his day camp is over and we are home together now.  That is good and I hope to make the most of it as this will be our last time as a family of two (I hope), and I pray, I pray daily every moment, to take away the anxiety I feel, to help me live in this moment, to enjoy this moment, to still my heart……to let instead my heart stay open to the mysteries of life and the miracles of unplanned roads we travel.

Still waiting on the 17…..

….yes the roller coaster ride is going for an additional dip and spin it seems….there are some questions that the ministry had, all minor, I've been told but will have to conference with my sw later tonight or tomorrow and see what its all about and the agency will send their reply tomorrow…again, nothing major I'm told…but as those of you who have been on this journey know, any hiccup always feels MAJOR!!…so I'm trying to stay calm and trust that this too shall pass and all roads lead to my daughter.

For now, tonight Matteo and I got our Vietnam visa photos done so as soon as we can book, we can head over to the Embassy to apply for our VISAs…in the next few years this won't be necessary for Canadians travelling to Vietnam, but for now we will still need this…there is a question about whether Matteo will get an exemption as he still retains his Vietnamese citizenship and his passport is still valid…we'll see what they say when we go through this still…

For now while I'm trying to distract myself will post a few photos of our two great weekend outings…our local pool is seeing us regularly and with family we headed out to Fitzroy Harbour provincial park for a day long picnic.  Matteo and I headed out early and were the first to arrive at the beach and it was so quiet and peaceful…at least for about an hour until everyone else began arriving.  I do love this park…..it is close to us, has great facilities, picnic areas are close to the beach and there's plenty of shade.

Canada day memories….

Canada day 2015 will remain in our hearts and our minds as one that stands out….here are a few photos that will continue to remind us that soon there will be a second little Canadian to join our family.

Final Canadian paperwork….

…well last night my social worker came over for the final home visit required in Ontario and we discussed Malia as well signed the consent forms….these have been sent off to the agency which I hope will send them to the Ontario Ministry early next week…I believe my agency's office is closed today….so for my part, there are no more papers here (Canada) for me,  to do until after the adoption.  It is now in the Ministry and Agency's hands….once the 17 is signed in Toronto it will be faxed/sent to Viet Nam and we go from there….and yes I will keep everyone posted…..

…for now decided to take a breath and on Monday start to make my lists of what needs to be done so that we are ready to travel as soon as we're told we can!