Remembering the women.....

December 6th is the anniversary of when Matteo and I flew back from Vietnam after his adoption.

It is also the anniversary of the shooting of women in Quebec at the Ecole Polytechnique de Montreal...sometimes referred to as the Montreal Massacre.  On our journey home that year, as I have on every year since 1989, I think of those women.

It is therefore very appropriate and no coincidence that the 16 days of Action against Gender Violence are set during this time.

As the mother of a boy, I know that violence against women is taught and begins with how we socialize our boys and girls.  It is very important and is critical if we are ever to change attitudes.  I saw a posting the other day where students were complaining/protesting that their university was inviting girls to workshops on how to avoid being raped instead of holding workshops for the boys on how to not rape.  This is what society likes to do, blame the women for being raped, instead of looking at how we teach boys and men that rape is acceptable when they need to learn that it is not. Rape and violence does not begin with women but with men. More needs to be done to hold workshops to deal with the attitudes that the boys and men have and their responsibility, and not the other way around.

This is the attitude shift that is needed.

Boys need to be raised to know that it is not acceptable to be violent, and specifically it is not acceptable to be violent towards women. Rape is not about sex.  It is about violence and power.

I am doing my best to raise Matteo with positive attitudes, though I am afraid of the socialization he will get through the many messages out there that I have no control over.  However on this eve before this anniversay, I always think of the women in Montreal. I will never forget the comment published in a newspaper by a friend of one of the victims.  She said "She had a dream of becoming an engineer. What was wrong with that?"   Those words were pivotal in my life and because of them I was able to go on and make different choices than what I had been planning.  Dreams are important and following those dreams, regardless of obstacles or problems is something I hang on to.

Those women were denied their choice at life and dreams.  I will continue to remember them and continue to embrace and do my best to fulfill my dreams, in respect for them and their memory, and not take dreams for granted.