….as I sit and write this, I have a candle burning in little Malio's memory. It has been a while that I haven't written. It has been a challenging and busy time…Vietnam, Malia's adoption, Malia's birthday, then her baptism. I was just writing to a friend tonight and sharing that after dinner tonight I was feeling more peaceful with where we're at as a family and how well we are all doing though there are still struggles and my eyes are more open to them.
It has been a hard time and also a time of great strides and tremendous progress. Definitely adopting an older child who is already set in her ways is a bigger challenge, one that has come with surprises and struggles. I think through these last few months, and through Malia's adoption, I definitely was still grieving little Malio (maybe I will forever)…he will never be forgotten….and the unknowns of both adoptions are intertwined. Tonight coincidentally an article was posted through my Facebook wall regarding the challenges and struggles of adopting an older child and I could definitely relate to it and pray that we too, in two years in will continue to grow in love as a family. If you're interested in reading the article click here.
Love is not automatic. Responsibility is and caring is, but for me, even with Matteo as a baby, love grew through the relationship and with time….as it is happening now. As everyone knows adoption is complex and challenging, yet also can be so very rewarding.
Tonight hovering within the loss of Malio, there is a love blossoming for Malia. When I decided to still use my mother's name to name my child a few thought it was maybe not the best thing to do as it would remind me of Malio…but love and loss are intertwined…my mother is no longer with us, so using her name was definitely a way of keeping her alive, and now I also have little Malio to remember. It isn't about forgetting the past but it is about hanging onto it and learning and growing from it while never forgetting where you came from. That journey is individual for all of us. I don't want to forget little Malio/K. I don't want to forget my mother. In their loss, I will continue to honour them by continuing to move forward in love and hope. They are a part of me and will be forever.
Malia is settling in, Matteo is settling in, and so am I. I continue to try to be honest with my struggles and feelings and I think that's the best I can give Malia who is definitely being honest about who she is too. Matteo as well has been growing tremendously and maturing so much. He is doing so well at school and now loving his new reading skills and his writing skills. As we approach the Christmas season, I hope we continue to bond as a family. For now, I just wanted to write about little Malio in order to keep his memory alive.
He was and continues to be part of our second adoption journey and story that brought us to Malia. One day Malia too will know about him and the part he played in bringing us together.
For now, rest in peace Malio/K. I continue to feel honoured and blessed to have been your mother from afar for a short time and still consider you my second son.
I am still so sorry that I never got to hold you and especially be there when God called you to him. Rest in peace little one. Mama still loves you.
Thank you for sharing this. I remember how shocked and sad I was to read this news last year. So much has happened in a year! Thinking of you and you family and of course Malio. Take care, Elizabeth
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