Family day weekend, Valentine's day and Tet….

Well the last two weeks have flown by.  I ended one contract at one school and started another, full time Visual art this time……so my stress level should go way down; however, as I have more time to rest and relax, it also gives me more time to think and sometimes that can be good or bad.

I have still had no news on the second adoption and am starting to feel desperate for news.  As family day approached I found myself feeling sad again for the loss of little Malio/K. I guess when you are in this process and then are matched, your dreams begin for plans for the future.  I don't think this is something that can be turned off, even without you realizing you're thinking about a future Christmas together, new year's, celebrating the first birthday, first family day as a family.  So, I guess it is normal to be feeling the loss and still grieving.  Nothing in the process in preparation for adoption prepares you for something like this. So I guess I will continue to work through these feelings of loss and grief while at the same time trying to move forward with hope and faith.

At this time I also wanted to thank the few families who made a donation to Malio/K's orphanage in his memory.  Late last year I received a card via my agency with this information and was extremely touched by how others were touched by the short life of this little boy.  On this Valentine's day, Thank you from the depths of my heart!  It meant the world to me to acknowledge this little life that was part of my life.

...I too made a donation in his memory.  It seemed like something small at a time when I felt very helpless. It is very hard to grieve in public when this child was only in my life in my heart and easy for others to not know how to help, so acknowledging him in the public world is so important.  He is real and a relationship existed and still exists.  He will always be remembered in our family.

    I think I've moved past the shock and denial, though do still find myself feeling angry. While I know I accept the reality of what happened, on some level I don't accept it.  I still feel angry at the long process of matching families with children who are waiting in orphanages around the world and then when there is a match, the long process of waiting for travel dates…the bureaucracy of paperwork, the process that at times is so inhumane when humanity is what is at stake.

Then at other times I feel totally humbled by Matteo in my life.  He is definitely the right match for me and all the twists and turns in his adoption process led me to him becoming my son. So in hope and faith, I try to believe that all these twists and turns on this road are known by God and are meant to bring us to the child who is meant to be a sibling to Matteo and another child for me. It is hard at times; however, when all is said and done, all I have is my hope and faith to keep me going and of course Matteo.

  In the meantime I take joy in following other adoption journeys that are in process, two Article 16's issued yesterday. This means Vietnam has signed off on the adoption and now it is the Provincial ministries in Canada that approve the adoption and issue what is referred to as Article 17.  So it is very exciting to know there is movement and two children will soon join their waiting families!!

  Additionally I have been following the medical challenges of two families with children adopted from Vietnam who are in hospital dealing with both Heart surgery and a Liver transplant.  Again I am humbled by our doctors and anyone who studies to learn how to intervene in our physical bodies to try to fix problems etc…and so grateful that these children were able to get this help.  As someone who has dealt with medical issues for more than half of my life, I know the challenges that these hospital stays can bring to families.  Prayers continue to be sent to these two special families and hope that before long, these hospital stays will be distant memories and both families can get on with the business of living.

  Finally we are also so grateful for our Single Parenting Adoption (SPA) group.  We had a recent potluck and all of us acknowledged how supported we felt in this group.  It is not easy adopting and the process is often not understood by family. It is also not easy adopting as a single parent. That has its challenges. It is also not easy parenting and sometimes it is not easy dealing with people who think they know what is best to do as parents instead of being supportive with how we are trying to raise our children. I think this happens in all parenting groups from those who look down on moms who don't breast feed, to those who look down on mom's who work versus mom's who stay home, judging that those who stay home somehow love their children more etc. etc. than those who continue to try to etch out careers…..all of this also happens in the adoption world. Just because we share in the adoption process, it doesn't mean we agree on parenting etc.. and it is nice to have a supportive network around you who supports your choices. I have found this in the SPA group and we continue to nurture our relationships. So we are looking forward to the next gathering as well as looking forward to hosting one of our own.

…For today, it is snowing once again and we are hoping to head to T&T to enjoy the decorations and buy a few items for Tet. Additionally if all goes well tonight we will enjoy celebrating a Tet dinner at a local restaurant with other families who have shared in the process of adopting from Vietnam.

….on Matteo's school front, Matteo received his first Report card, so exciting to see his development….more on that in another post. For now leaving you with a photo of the rhinestone fun Matteo had at the SPA gathering and a photo on Matteo in one of his kindergarten rooms, and our daredevil kitten!!