One month anniversary!

Well I've been Malia's mommy now for one month (Viet Nam time)…..and things are going mostly well!  When we arrived home all the progress we had made in Vietnam vanished and there was real regression….and there was jet lag….and exhaustion….I think the jet lag is gone, the exhaustion maybe not….Malia and Matteo are settling into a sort of routine though not everything will stay the same….Matteo is back at school and other than being in a huge JK/SK class that we hope will be split in the next week or so (praying and letter writing) we are trying to enjoy the beautiful days…weather wise it is like summer all over again.

….As for Malia, she is learning and growing and understanding more each day though she still has her very shrill crying when she doesn't get her way….I am getting better at trying to make sure she is not overtired, or has lots of choice, or understand her needs, but she still resorts to this scream when she is tired, angry, scared, frustrated etc…crying is one thing but many wouldn't believe the screaming capabilities of this little quiet sensitive little soul…survival in the orphanage meant getting attention in this way….helping her learn she doesn't need to do that will take time I guess.

…as for sleeping, well we are doing some co-sleeping….when we arrived she had absolutely no difficulty in accepting her crib which was in with Matteo so that they shared a room for now…but of course needed me to be there when she fell asleep and woke up….I could leave and then sleep in my room but she usually woke up once and then the screaming started, regardless of Matteo being in the room….so I would then take her to my room and I had set up a playpen next to the bed which she also went into willingly….we tried this routine and tried to help her learn to call out if she could instead of the screaming…sometimes her screaming woke Matteo too but at other times not….she still wants and prefers to stay in the crib in his room (until she wakes up and realizes I'm not there)….but now that school has started I explain to her that she can't sleep in this room etc…or try to explain….during the day her naps are in this crib, and on weekends we do start her off there, again as she wants this, but during the week, I can't afford to have Matteo not get a good night's sleep!

We are hoping she will grow in trust and be able to sleep through the night so that she can sleep in with Matteo. They have a fun night routine of lots of giggling…mommy is tired but they find ways to amuse each other….I need to have more patience at this point…and am trying to find and think of how I can give them individual attention at bedtime…not possible…Malia usually has her bottle with me in with Matteo so I sing to them both, but then we retire to my bedroom….I need my sleep so any options of my sleeping in with both of them were quickly tossed aside.  I am taking my cue from her too so hopefully the fact that she prefers the crib in Matteo's room will at least down the road help them and/or I hope, help them with their relationship….they might only be sharing a room for another year or so, but for now I had hoped it could help them….so far, not sure….again she is very happy to be there, he is getting better with her being there, but not happy when we leave. So some happiness and unhappiness all around.

What Matteo is happy about is that we decided to turn our spare bedroom into a playroom…our third bedroom is on the 3rd floor (eventually this will be Matteo's room) and it has a sofa bed with an extra mattress.  It has been folded up and now we have spent the last few weeks transferring toys, especially the trains to this room so that Matteo can set this up….our living room was getting too congested and the living/play area will include toys that can be brought up or down and the table area for writing, drawing, reading etc….and the eventual homework. This has been great for Matteo as he lost some of his space in his bedroom which is now both his and his sister's…and this has become an area that Matteo (and the cats) can retreat too.  He doesn't nap anymore so when it is nap time or rest time for both Mommy and Malia on the weekend, Matteo goes up here to play.  Malia will also play there but only if Mommy or another adult are around.

So all of this, plus Malia's 1st, 2nd and 3rd birthdays' party have been keeping me busy.  It is definitely a different journey adopting an older child. In some ways Malia is still just a baby as she is so small it is easy to cuddle and hold her, but at other times when I see the little personality, I see how she is already her own person….it is hard for her to adjust to us, though I know she is happy to be with us, and hard for Mommy to learn about her and try to work with where she's at and especially hard for big brother who is really the one who has had the most difficult time….however, on all fronts there has been progress, sometimes in great strides and at other times, some baby steps…I'm not sure if we're where we were when we were still in Viet nam as I do feel by the end of our stay lots of good had happened….I think Matteo is doing better, Malia is still not fully where she was…of course there has been a lot more to deal with here….and Mommy is just so glad to be home and so glad we are on this side of the adoption and not on the waiting side….it really is so so so much better here regardless of where any of us are at!

Some photos of our two weeks back…

A special dress from Zia Rosalba….Malia loves dresses.

A lovely gift from a special friend!

First day of SK.

Dropping Matteo off at school.

Malia loves trucks and playing in the sand