An emotional day….

….I'm not sure if I'm totally calm yet, but slowly I'm starting to get there (and of course just as I feel calm about this step, the worries quickly set in for the next)…..there are a few more hurdles still but the 16 was signed and now the paperwork moves back to Canada.

This has been an unusual unofficial referral but one that has felt more right than the other two.  When all was said and done, I kept hanging on to the one thought that the right child who needed us would be put into our lives and into our family. That happened in mid-May of this year….and the last 5 weeks our files were being matched in Viet Nam.  She was paper ready and now it was our turn. The 16 took its own twists and turns, but this morning I got the best email ever, letting me know it was signed and released! What a feeling….

…as it was Canada day we had planned to head downtown for a bit.  It was a grey day with rain off and on and small bursts of sunshine.  I was very emotional and was glad for the rain as it covered the tears that I was shedding.  My tears were both for sadness and joy.   I cried for Malio and I cried for the other little girl and for all the children who find themselves hoping for families. Then I cried for my daughter. She is our little miracle because there definitely was a Force bigger than all of us that brought us together.

….and if all goes well with the 17 in Toronto, then we are still hoping to travel by the end of July to finalize the adoption.  She is in the south so we will head back to HCMC.

…to tell you a little bit about her….I will name her Malia (after my mother) and am still deciding about her middle name(s).  She will turn 3 in October but is very small but considering what she has gone through is doing really well!  I am anxious to get her home and pray that the next steps in the process are smooth though these past few months have been anything but. So I will hope for the best but be open to things going wrong.  The roller coaster ride is continuing but with the official 16 being signed I am starting to see the off ramp on this ride.

…Matteo is anxious to have his sister home too and he is so ready for her and to be a big brother.  When I told him about Malia, the first thing he said was "I knew it, a sister."….so if you recall that drawing he did, I have reposted it here, with the dragonflies, so a little girl was out there waiting for us and it seems both of our roads took different turns away from each other but now we are connected and are on the same path.

Here's to dreams being realized!

Best Canada Day EVER!!…..

….it's a girl…...

Comparing the first day of JK to the last day of JK….

…what a difference 10 months make….Matteo was wearing the same shorts and t-shirt and you can clearly see how he has grown, sprouted more like it…in so many ways beyond his height….he is still the "ham" with the great sense of humour for the most part - (though I'm still trying to accept the "funny" thing he did on his last day of Vietnamese school!!)…

…...yet he has learned so much…he speaks some French, still loves books a lot, loves to sing, asks lots of questions, is very sensitive and hurt when his friends don't want to play with him and terrifically excited when he has had a great playing day with friends!! He loves animals real and stuffed ones and cries if he hears of an animal being hurt.…and also wants to pet and say hello and learn the name of all the dogs we encounter in our neighbourhood….

…. for his mommy the best part is that he is now reading at Level 1!!  He received some Level 1 Lightening McQueen readers and after family left on the day of his 5th birthday, he actually started reading with me…so May 30, became a milestone not only for turning 5, but for his first reading day.

He still struggles with not wanting to practice his letters or numbers, something his teachers have encouraged me to work with, but LOVES copying letters in order to spell something specific…so we will try for practicing concrete words etc…..he loves stickers, loves giving raspberry kisses, loves being a big boy, gives lots of compliments but finds it hard to get a "no"….He also has a bad temper and when something isn't the way he wants it, everyone sure hears about it…at times he throws books, stuffs, and utensils and we are working on having him use his words to express his feelings and not to be aggressive with throwing….he is getting better, but  this is something we will continue to work on…

….He loves being and behaving grown up, helping out at home, feeding the cats, helping with laundry,  putting away his laundry, putting away groceries, recycling, but also loves being fed like I did when he was a baby….he loves hearing stories of my trip to adopt him, and does still go through his adoption book…and loves hearing stories of when he was a baby….

….he loves to colour and look at his books..his desk is always piled with books and papers and markers all over the place….as he is working on so many different projects all at once…

…he still loves his trains but is definitely more into cars these days….he loved his Vietnamese class, but it was still a struggle to get him there….…..I'm not sure he is understanding much of what adoption means, but I am trying to keep the conversation going when he wants to talk about it…

.....I am so proud of this little boy. It has been a tough year for us, and never imagined I would have to be dealing with such serious matters with him as the death of our cat and then the death of what we had accepted and hoped to be his younger brother, another son for me…we will never forget Malio; however, we have both come through this in our own way and hopefully the future will bring a new blessing into our lives…all the more valuable because we have experienced the vulnerability and loss…

….for now, we wait and while we are settling into the reality of summer, we are also trying to keep our dream alive and fully in the forefront of our plans.


September 2014

June 2015

Last day of Junior KIndergarten....a school year comes to a close........

The school year is coming to a close. It is often a time for reflection and new hope.  Matteo finished off his last day in Junior Kindergarten and I would have to say on the most part it was a wonderful success.  He is doing well in many areas, and has a bit of work to do in others. He/We are looking forward to the change in routine though he will be in an extended day camp for about 3 weeks.

For me, we have commencement for our students tomorrow. It will be an important marker for students as young adults embarking on the next chapter of their lives.  The teachers who taught them feel that sense of accomplishment along with them. For them and for us, we take this journey with them and when they fail, we fail, and when they succeed, we succeed too.

It has been a while since posting.  I would have liked to have some additional news to report on the adoption but things are still in a bit of flux and uncertainty is still hovering. The dragonfly has not fully landed so we continue to wait and hope.

  I was just thinking back to when I was waiting for a referral for Matteo in June of 2010 and remembered this post and these words "When nothing is sure, everything is possible"  You can go back to read that post here. 

  It was June, also the end of an academic year. I had been told that I would have had a referral by the previous February. It was then June, and nothing. [Eventually I was matched with Matteo in July of that year.]  I went through all the uncertainty of it will never happen, it will happen. I am feeling very much the same now.

  Someone recently told me that she felt there are stronger forces at play when children are matched with families. I do believe each adoption is a miracle.  I also believe in God's plan for us as a family.  I am praying these days to believe that if we are the right family for this dragonfly then all will work out. 

   It is  a heartfelt prayer filled with all the pain of the last year, learning first hand of the vulnerability of these children, but also of hope and faith to trust that we will be carried through whatever happens in the next few days.  There are so many individuals who are part of each child's story and I pray that as God has blessed me with the opportunity of sharing my life with one little boy, that there will be another child who I am blessed with as well.  I am also praying for faith and acceptance if that does not work out. For now, I am trying to stay positive and remind myself that "when nothing is sure, everything is possible."

Happy Birthday to my little boy who is now 5!!!

I love you!

A special birthday present for Matteo perhaps….. a beautiful dragonfly…..

Well it has been a while that I haven't posted. A combination of being busy, work and taking an online course, but also holding my breath where the second adoption is concerned. This is our long weekend, our Victoria weekend. Most of the time it fell on or close to my mother's birthday the 24th, this year it is  early. May is also special because Matteo will turn 5 on May 30.  There is a beautiful dragonfly hovering and I am taking it as perhaps an early present for Matteo. We'll know in the next couple of weeks if this will begin to work out after a couple of false starts and a terrible loss. 

This second adoption journey has been far from the norm…then again I think most take on their own special paths and are never normal (whatever that is) ….it was just a bit more smooth where Matteo was concerned…that is from referral to travel…the wait before that, like others, was long and unpredictable.  This one was and is long. 

I continue to pray for faith to believe that it has been so, so that the right child whose needs can be met by our family and who is the right child for our family, will be brought to us.  I'm hoping this is the one and this dragonfly will land.

For now on this beautiful Sunday morning from our home to yours and if you are celebrating the first long weekend of spring, we wish you much warmth and joy.

Family day weekend, Valentine's day and Tet….

Well the last two weeks have flown by.  I ended one contract at one school and started another, full time Visual art this time……so my stress level should go way down; however, as I have more time to rest and relax, it also gives me more time to think and sometimes that can be good or bad.

I have still had no news on the second adoption and am starting to feel desperate for news.  As family day approached I found myself feeling sad again for the loss of little Malio/K. I guess when you are in this process and then are matched, your dreams begin for plans for the future.  I don't think this is something that can be turned off, even without you realizing you're thinking about a future Christmas together, new year's, celebrating the first birthday, first family day as a family.  So, I guess it is normal to be feeling the loss and still grieving.  Nothing in the process in preparation for adoption prepares you for something like this. So I guess I will continue to work through these feelings of loss and grief while at the same time trying to move forward with hope and faith.

At this time I also wanted to thank the few families who made a donation to Malio/K's orphanage in his memory.  Late last year I received a card via my agency with this information and was extremely touched by how others were touched by the short life of this little boy.  On this Valentine's day, Thank you from the depths of my heart!  It meant the world to me to acknowledge this little life that was part of my life.

...I too made a donation in his memory.  It seemed like something small at a time when I felt very helpless. It is very hard to grieve in public when this child was only in my life in my heart and easy for others to not know how to help, so acknowledging him in the public world is so important.  He is real and a relationship existed and still exists.  He will always be remembered in our family.

    I think I've moved past the shock and denial, though do still find myself feeling angry. While I know I accept the reality of what happened, on some level I don't accept it.  I still feel angry at the long process of matching families with children who are waiting in orphanages around the world and then when there is a match, the long process of waiting for travel dates…the bureaucracy of paperwork, the process that at times is so inhumane when humanity is what is at stake.

Then at other times I feel totally humbled by Matteo in my life.  He is definitely the right match for me and all the twists and turns in his adoption process led me to him becoming my son. So in hope and faith, I try to believe that all these twists and turns on this road are known by God and are meant to bring us to the child who is meant to be a sibling to Matteo and another child for me. It is hard at times; however, when all is said and done, all I have is my hope and faith to keep me going and of course Matteo.

  In the meantime I take joy in following other adoption journeys that are in process, two Article 16's issued yesterday. This means Vietnam has signed off on the adoption and now it is the Provincial ministries in Canada that approve the adoption and issue what is referred to as Article 17.  So it is very exciting to know there is movement and two children will soon join their waiting families!!

  Additionally I have been following the medical challenges of two families with children adopted from Vietnam who are in hospital dealing with both Heart surgery and a Liver transplant.  Again I am humbled by our doctors and anyone who studies to learn how to intervene in our physical bodies to try to fix problems etc…and so grateful that these children were able to get this help.  As someone who has dealt with medical issues for more than half of my life, I know the challenges that these hospital stays can bring to families.  Prayers continue to be sent to these two special families and hope that before long, these hospital stays will be distant memories and both families can get on with the business of living.

  Finally we are also so grateful for our Single Parenting Adoption (SPA) group.  We had a recent potluck and all of us acknowledged how supported we felt in this group.  It is not easy adopting and the process is often not understood by family. It is also not easy adopting as a single parent. That has its challenges. It is also not easy parenting and sometimes it is not easy dealing with people who think they know what is best to do as parents instead of being supportive with how we are trying to raise our children. I think this happens in all parenting groups from those who look down on moms who don't breast feed, to those who look down on mom's who work versus mom's who stay home, judging that those who stay home somehow love their children more etc. etc. than those who continue to try to etch out careers…..all of this also happens in the adoption world. Just because we share in the adoption process, it doesn't mean we agree on parenting etc.. and it is nice to have a supportive network around you who supports your choices. I have found this in the SPA group and we continue to nurture our relationships. So we are looking forward to the next gathering as well as looking forward to hosting one of our own.

…For today, it is snowing once again and we are hoping to head to T&T to enjoy the decorations and buy a few items for Tet. Additionally if all goes well tonight we will enjoy celebrating a Tet dinner at a local restaurant with other families who have shared in the process of adopting from Vietnam.

….on Matteo's school front, Matteo received his first Report card, so exciting to see his development….more on that in another post. For now leaving you with a photo of the rhinestone fun Matteo had at the SPA gathering and a photo on Matteo in one of his kindergarten rooms, and our daredevil kitten!!