More Transitions....

I took this photo in Vung Tau, about 3 days after I officially adopted Matteo in November of 2010.

And this was taken last week about 10 months later.

Transitions and Memories....

It has been a month of changes, some good, and some not so good. And it has been a hard week too.  On Wednesday it was the 8 year anniversary of the death of my father and for some reason this year it was harder than it was in other years. Perhaps it is because now that I am a mother, I feel connected to him not as my father but as a parent and understand now how hard it must have been for them, juggling a new country, a new language, a new family, and four children and the financial pressures they must have been under.  It hasn't been easy with Matteo at times, especially when I have been stressed, and I am not as patient with him, and he is not as patient with me etc...While it was really my mother who did all the child raising, she could not have done so without the role my father played to. So I understand him on a whole different level.  On Sunday when everyone is remembering September 11, for the tragedy of the twin towers in New York, I will be thinking of my father as his funeral was held on September 11, 2003.  However I am realizing that I am fortunate to have two photos of my father holding me in his arms when I was a baby. One was taken outside of our house, which is the house I am presently living in with Matteo, and the second one, was taken in the kitchen (which is now our kitchen) at my baptism.  I am wearing the same gown that Matteo wore at his baptism. I am very happy to have these and they have become even more meaningful as I  take memorable photos of me and Matteo that one day will be his keepsakes. Here they are.

As I believe I've mentioned, Matteo started full time day care on August 1st and this has been a transition and adjustment for both of us and while we are still transitioning, we are mostly doing very well with it.  For me, it was not so much guilt I have been feeling when he isn't with me, but moreso a feeling of longing...the only way I can describe it is that longing to see someone you are in love with and I guess I am in love with my son....when I work (or try to) work from home, I hear his voice and look up and think he is here. But he is with  Papa Woody and his new friends at daycare.  It has been hard as I've said before, adjusting to not being with him as we have been together for the majority of time since November 22, the G&R day.

  I do feel grateful that I have been able to get him out of daycare early and spend more time with him before supper. My work has not been as productive as I would have liked but have managed to finish off one contract, with only a few loose threads to tie off. The second one, I am behind on, but will continue to plug away as my teaching year begins. I know there will be times where I will  not be able to get him early, nor take a day off here and there as I planned, but for now I'm trying to take it one day at a time and not stress too much about the realization that this will be reality for a long time to come, Matteo in daycare, then school, and I won't see him during the days....it came too quickly!! I had hoped to be able to work something out where I was working from home more, which I have, but the reality is it is impossible to work and take care of Matteo at the same time.

     I am not loving that I am tired a lot. I try to go to  bed early but even when I do, I never seem to  fall asleep. I am not loving the 5:30 wake ups. I am not loving that I am starting to really understand that I am a single parent and can never consider staying home for 3 years until Matteo starts school, because there is noone else to bring in the money to support us. I am not loving that winter is coming and Matteo hates getting into the snowsuit (though I hope that has changed....)....and I am not loving that summer is really almost over. I am writing this from the deck and it is a beautiful night out tonight. I hope there are a few more like this (though I do sometimes still come out to sit with a cup of coffee into the cool fall evenings.)   I am not loving feeling stressed at times because there is always something to do...(bathrooms are on the agenda this weekend!!) as well, I hope, as visitng the ducks at Dow's lake.....
..
...So, forward from here....The other transition is that Matteo is now walking....everyone "warned" me about this as if it was a bad thing...but so far I am loving that I can take a walk and hold my son's hand. I am loving that he is more and more independent. I am loving that he is starting to use a few words. I am loving that he can use a sippy cup much better now. I am loving that he drinks juice (with lots of water). I am loving that he is so curious. I am loving that he loves that he can walk. I am loving that he is bringing books to me to read to him more and more. I am loving that he understands so much of what I share with him.  I am loving that he has a sense of humour. I am loving that he loves to dance. I am loving that he loves music. I am loving that he is bonding with Papa Woody and when we were at the park the other day, he wanted to go to him, even though I was there. I am loving that he can help me turn off the light switch as well as turn it on. I am loving that he wants to help me wash the dishes but of course he just wants to play. I am loving that he can already climb some play structures and come down the slide all by himself (I'll post the video.)  I am loving that I don't have to carry him up to bed as he insists on climbing those stairs all by himself, sometimes crawling up and sometimes walking up standing and hanging on to the rail with both hands and mommy just behind him. I love that he goes easily to sleep at night and except for the occasional dream or disruption, he sleeps through the night. I am loving that I can see it in his eyes that he is so happy to see me and I hope he can see it in mine. I am loving that sometimes in the mornings when he first wakes, he doesn't wakes crying but instead I can hear him playing in his crib, and then I hear him call "Mamma." I am loving being a "Mamma."

Here is a photo of Matteo with Papa Woody and I believe that is Max in the background and Vanh reading the book. I love this photo too.

First day of school, sort of!! A note from Papa Woody, Matteo's caregiver....

I got this note about 2/3 of the way through the day from Matteo's caregiver, Papa Woody.  They were going to go to a Playgroup today for the first time after summer holidays. I believe they will go most days as they have gone in the past, (though I think it may be closed on Fridays) but the second time for Matteo....he went with his mommy once before...see here for that day....., . Apparently it is an Family Literacy Centre and we were worried about Matteo, that is if he needed lots of attention, as he is still settling in, and when I'm not there, he wants to be held a lot and will cry if he is put down.  I was so so so happy to get this note....after I got it I was even more productive with my work!!......Grazie Papa Woody!!  Samantha was kind enough to take a photo of me and Matteo this morning so as soon as I get it I will add it to the special memories of this day.


Papa Woody

• "G' Day!
  
  I small note to report on 1st day of playgroup.
  
  It was good.
  
  Max and Vanh played (and quarreled a little bit) with the train table, the kitchen area and the sensory table (sand), but were amazing in that I could focus on S. & Teo.
  
  S. was the same, but tended to stick close to me. She did some art!
  
  Teo was brilliant! He wanted down right away, played & walked.
  
  We had snack in stages. The twins both used the bathroom. All with no tears from Teo!!
  
  To top it all off we stayed for circle. Willingly!!! I held Teo and the other three seemed to really enjoy themselves. Actually Teo, wandered off to play some more.
  
  I great morning that seemed to go by in about 25 minutes.
  
  YAY!!
  
  
  

No Autumn Moon for us today !

Well sadly we didn't make it to the Autumn Moon Festival today....just after I posted my earlier blog, I heard Matteo coughing (he went down for his nap about 30 minutes before)...he still has this gagging problem on occasion but this usually happens when he is eating and this coughing sounded different...  When I went up to check on him I found him coughing and throwing up with vomit on both sides of his face and he was still vomiting. I quickly lifted him up.  He was crying and scared.  After trying to calm him and clean him up a bit, I took him downstairs.  This was so unusual for him. Once he was out of his dirty clothes and all clean and I was hugging him I felt that he was warmer than usual. I tried to take his temperature though he didn't let me do it easily...but he had a low grade fever.  After some tylenol and some more milk, I tried to put him down to sleep again but he wasn't willing.  So he only had that nap and managed to stay awake until 6:30, and was asleep again by 6:45.....and of course I am worried about any more vomiting in his sleep. His fever is down and he seems fine. I'll make a decision tomorrow after I see how his night is, as to whether we'll have to cancel our plans for tomorrow as well!! and I'll try to check his mouth....... He may have picked up something at the party or at maybe even at CHEO??....or he may be teething again...or this might explain why he was crying for much of our drive out yesterday???....I thought it was because his sandals were too tight??....but I was feelign a bit under the weather too this afternoon, a bit achy and did take some advil myself....but this vomiting in his sleep was very scary.  I have not been bringing down my monitor lately but I sure have tonight....

...Anyhow I hope some other families went to the festival so that I can see pictures!!  Am glad that S. has organized a smaller party where we will walk with our lanterns to the big arch in Chinatown....We're hoping we're both healthy for that!!

...more words and single moms.....

...well yesterday at the single mom potluck, discovered that Matteo has more words in his vocabulary...when we got there, he pointed and said "Ca"....there was indeed a cat there...and I wasn't sure if he meant cracker again but this morning he was looking out our window and started pointed and saying "Ca" "Ca" again and when I looked where he was looking, sure enough there was a cat playing in the driveway across the street. However later this morning when we went for a stroller walk, he pointed to a dog and also said "Ca"...so I guess it is four legged animals that are all "Ca".... So now to try to distinguish between his Ca meaning cracker and Ca meaning cat/dog......he does still say Quack which sounds more like "gaa"...and indeed I think he is saying yes as "ess"....but will continue to test that.

We had a lovely time yesterday meeting some new single parents as well as some familiar faces. This is the Ottawa group for singles that I've mentioned before, singles who have or are in the process of adopting. I believe there is one male in the group but he wasn't there yesterday.  I have only been to a few events but continue to try to participate. Yesterday it turned out that there were six moms with their children.  I pulled out my camera at one point but never took any photos!! Too much talking and chasing Matteo!!..but also will need to get permission to see if I can post photos with other children.  We had an international community represented. Matteo was the youngest from Vietnam, and then there was one little girl from Ethiopia, I think she's 5, another from India, who will be 7 soon, and one from Kazakhstan, who was 18 months old, and a little boy from the US, (I think) who will turn 3 soon, and another little aboriginal boy from Canada who was 2. The time always seems to go very quickly at these events, but we made the most of it....and the host K. lives right across the street from a park so the party transferred there after everyone had something to eat and the children had extra energy to be used up. Matteo had a couple of swings on the swings and some exploring in the sand, and we then said our goodbyes. Matteo fell asleep almost immediately in the car...it was 6:30 or so....he is usually in bed and asleep by 7-7:15 these days....when we got home he transferred easily to bed, with a diaper change and his bottle and was asleep again in no time.

  Anyhow we are looking forward to our next event this afternoon. For now I'm added some a couple of photos of Matteo playing in our kitchen.

Other details and walking

forgot to add in yesterdays post that Matteo has 14 teeth now and of course he has been walking for a couple of weeks now, and is going farther and farther and enjoys practicing....Also today discovered another word...Matteo says Cracker, only it is "Ka" and quack quack sounds more like "ga, ga,"....and today he sounded like he said "no"...but will keep checking to see if that is really what he is saying!!...I can feel a burst of words around the corner....Here's a video shot today of Matteo's walking.....so glad that now instead of feeling frustrated when he falls, he is now just picking himself up and continuing to try to walk....

Happy 15 months Matteo!!

Well Matteo is now 15 months old...he weighs 22 lbs and has 3 words in his vocabulary...mamma, us (meaning bus) and his latest word is quack quack quack....on his 15 month birthday after we had gotten back from his checkup at CHEO (and more bloodwork) he grabbed his big Easter duck and carried it to me saying "quack, quack, quack"....I have usually done the quacking when we played with it, so it was a lovely surprise for him to say this.... Also S. thinks that he says "yes" pronounced "s"....but I'm not so sure...however in the last few days he is definitely showing signs of trying to repeat words that I say, so this is nice to see...

This is our last long weekend of the summer!!...I decided to take Matteo out of daycare today and plan a mini 4 day holiday for us. Today we shopped for new shoes, groceries and then dropped into a park that Matteo has been to but I haven't so we went together. Got lots of nice photos posted below and even bumped into a high school friend's mom...so that was nice. Matteo climbed the play structure for the first time with me (not sure if he has with W.) But it was wonderful to see him climb and try and explore and not be afraid.

Tomorrow we have plans to visit with some other single parents who have adopted or are in the process of adopting...not necessarily from Vietnam.

On Sunday the Vietnamese community has organized events at city hall for the Autumn moon festival so we are attending that.

And on Monday we will be visiting my high school art teacher who has become a friend over the years. She was very instrumental and inspirational to my becoming both an artist and an art teacher....She is anxious to meet Matteo and I am anxious to have him meet her too....so we will head out to spend the afternoon in Almonte.

Here are some photos from our day today.