A special birthday present for Matteo perhaps….. a beautiful dragonfly…..

Well it has been a while that I haven't posted. A combination of being busy, work and taking an online course, but also holding my breath where the second adoption is concerned. This is our long weekend, our Victoria weekend. Most of the time it fell on or close to my mother's birthday the 24th, this year it is  early. May is also special because Matteo will turn 5 on May 30.  There is a beautiful dragonfly hovering and I am taking it as perhaps an early present for Matteo. We'll know in the next couple of weeks if this will begin to work out after a couple of false starts and a terrible loss. 

This second adoption journey has been far from the norm…then again I think most take on their own special paths and are never normal (whatever that is) ….it was just a bit more smooth where Matteo was concerned…that is from referral to travel…the wait before that, like others, was long and unpredictable.  This one was and is long. 

I continue to pray for faith to believe that it has been so, so that the right child whose needs can be met by our family and who is the right child for our family, will be brought to us.  I'm hoping this is the one and this dragonfly will land.

For now on this beautiful Sunday morning from our home to yours and if you are celebrating the first long weekend of spring, we wish you much warmth and joy.

Family day weekend, Valentine's day and Tet….

Well the last two weeks have flown by.  I ended one contract at one school and started another, full time Visual art this time……so my stress level should go way down; however, as I have more time to rest and relax, it also gives me more time to think and sometimes that can be good or bad.

I have still had no news on the second adoption and am starting to feel desperate for news.  As family day approached I found myself feeling sad again for the loss of little Malio/K. I guess when you are in this process and then are matched, your dreams begin for plans for the future.  I don't think this is something that can be turned off, even without you realizing you're thinking about a future Christmas together, new year's, celebrating the first birthday, first family day as a family.  So, I guess it is normal to be feeling the loss and still grieving.  Nothing in the process in preparation for adoption prepares you for something like this. So I guess I will continue to work through these feelings of loss and grief while at the same time trying to move forward with hope and faith.

At this time I also wanted to thank the few families who made a donation to Malio/K's orphanage in his memory.  Late last year I received a card via my agency with this information and was extremely touched by how others were touched by the short life of this little boy.  On this Valentine's day, Thank you from the depths of my heart!  It meant the world to me to acknowledge this little life that was part of my life.

...I too made a donation in his memory.  It seemed like something small at a time when I felt very helpless. It is very hard to grieve in public when this child was only in my life in my heart and easy for others to not know how to help, so acknowledging him in the public world is so important.  He is real and a relationship existed and still exists.  He will always be remembered in our family.

    I think I've moved past the shock and denial, though do still find myself feeling angry. While I know I accept the reality of what happened, on some level I don't accept it.  I still feel angry at the long process of matching families with children who are waiting in orphanages around the world and then when there is a match, the long process of waiting for travel dates…the bureaucracy of paperwork, the process that at times is so inhumane when humanity is what is at stake.

Then at other times I feel totally humbled by Matteo in my life.  He is definitely the right match for me and all the twists and turns in his adoption process led me to him becoming my son. So in hope and faith, I try to believe that all these twists and turns on this road are known by God and are meant to bring us to the child who is meant to be a sibling to Matteo and another child for me. It is hard at times; however, when all is said and done, all I have is my hope and faith to keep me going and of course Matteo.

  In the meantime I take joy in following other adoption journeys that are in process, two Article 16's issued yesterday. This means Vietnam has signed off on the adoption and now it is the Provincial ministries in Canada that approve the adoption and issue what is referred to as Article 17.  So it is very exciting to know there is movement and two children will soon join their waiting families!!

  Additionally I have been following the medical challenges of two families with children adopted from Vietnam who are in hospital dealing with both Heart surgery and a Liver transplant.  Again I am humbled by our doctors and anyone who studies to learn how to intervene in our physical bodies to try to fix problems etc…and so grateful that these children were able to get this help.  As someone who has dealt with medical issues for more than half of my life, I know the challenges that these hospital stays can bring to families.  Prayers continue to be sent to these two special families and hope that before long, these hospital stays will be distant memories and both families can get on with the business of living.

  Finally we are also so grateful for our Single Parenting Adoption (SPA) group.  We had a recent potluck and all of us acknowledged how supported we felt in this group.  It is not easy adopting and the process is often not understood by family. It is also not easy adopting as a single parent. That has its challenges. It is also not easy parenting and sometimes it is not easy dealing with people who think they know what is best to do as parents instead of being supportive with how we are trying to raise our children. I think this happens in all parenting groups from those who look down on moms who don't breast feed, to those who look down on mom's who work versus mom's who stay home, judging that those who stay home somehow love their children more etc. etc. than those who continue to try to etch out careers…..all of this also happens in the adoption world. Just because we share in the adoption process, it doesn't mean we agree on parenting etc.. and it is nice to have a supportive network around you who supports your choices. I have found this in the SPA group and we continue to nurture our relationships. So we are looking forward to the next gathering as well as looking forward to hosting one of our own.

…For today, it is snowing once again and we are hoping to head to T&T to enjoy the decorations and buy a few items for Tet. Additionally if all goes well tonight we will enjoy celebrating a Tet dinner at a local restaurant with other families who have shared in the process of adopting from Vietnam.

….on Matteo's school front, Matteo received his first Report card, so exciting to see his development….more on that in another post. For now leaving you with a photo of the rhinestone fun Matteo had at the SPA gathering and a photo on Matteo in one of his kindergarten rooms, and our daredevil kitten!!

Where did January go?

In some ways it's great that January is almost over, as it is such a challenging month, but at the same time, I don't wish time to fly by too quickly!

First of all on the adoption number 2 front, we have not had any new news!  We were told not to expect any until the new year, but January is almost over and Tet around the corner so really hoping some news comes soon!  The last few months feel a bit surreal still.

As for Matteo, going back to school after the holidays was hard (change is always hard for him) and for the first week he cried most mornings at drop off and I've just been told he is being very sensitive through the day and cries more than once for various reasons…mostly when he doesn't want to do something he's being asked to do, or gets frustrated when things aren't working out as he wants, and if he is too tired (still loves his afternoon naps which he doesn't get any more at school though he is getting to bed at a good time for this adjustment).

…All of this isn't new, but the tears are happening more often at school….so I continue to encourage him to use his words, to just continue to try and have fun learning his letters for instance, and to try to follow teacher instructions which he has been great with in the past.  He told me he cried on Thursday because he didn't want to participate with yoga (something he wasn't keen on in his daycare either)

….but then he said he tried…..He's in a small class of both junior and senior kindergarten students, and it is a very active and creative classroom. French in the mornings (and he is picking up lots) and English in the afternoon and lots of singing, which he loves…the teachers switch rooms.  There is an EA through the day, and he is thriving there; however, definitely concerned with the increase of tears that I was alerted to.  He, like his mom, is a homebody!!  We love spending time at home or visiting museums, parks, shopping etc….but aren't keen on rushing out the door to work and school!! So we move forward one day at a time, hoping he moves back to a more comfortable space.

….As for me, I'm recovering from pneumonia (and thank God Matteo hasn't gotten sick!!)…missed three days of work at a critical time when students are getting ready for final exams…they start on Monday, so it is a busy time and not being healthy isn't great. I have one more week left at this school then I will change schools. I'm sure that is causing some stress, as end of term is hard enough without having to pack up and leave. It has been a great school,  and feel sad to leave, mostly because of the great colleagues, such a wonderfully professional and humane group of teachers and many great students but not without some challenges too.  The only downside has been that it is much farther from home than I like.  I should find out on Tuesday what my next assignment is and pray I stay healthy enough to make it through a busy week of grading exams for 80 students and calculating final grades, adding comments and learning skills assessments!!  Fun Fun Fun.

…Anyhow am already looking forward to spring, just because we've had some bitterly cold weather and makes the early mornings much more challenging!!  But again, as I said earlier, just praying that time doesn't go too quickly, as that's like wishing our life away, but at the same time after the awful fall and/winter we had, I am so looking forward to the rebirth of spring and the sunshine and warmth of summer.

Highlights of the last few days of the holidays…..

In some ways holidays are great and in other ways, change of routines, especially for Matteo, who loves and needs routine, can be hard….so while it has been a great down time, lots of co-naping and not too many social plans, it will be good to get back to a routine that will help with some of the emotional ups and downs….  This year with the kind of year we had in 2014, I decided to space out some of the family visits over January - March….it is always too quick during the holidays to try to visit with everyone, and we are all so tired so we are hoping to have New Year's visits with family and friends that we didn't get a chance to see during the past two weeks.

For now, here are some of the additional memories we'll cherish for the 2014 Christmas break.

A new year's wish for twin girls from Vietnam

Please circulate this link on Facebook Liver Transplants for our Vietnames Twin Girls and or check this blog One More Potato in the Pot to see if you can help!

Happy New Year, Chuc Mung Nam Moi, Felice Anno Nuovo!

For all, here's hoping 2015 is memorable in many incredible ways!

Highlights of the holiday…...

I love the National Gallery. It is always a place I used to go to to spend a few hours wandering through the galleries, some very quiet spaces.  I have gone with Matteo but of course, not as often.  I hoped we would get a chance to go to see their big Christmas tree. We were invited to the Tree lighting but couldn't make it but after seeing this lovely tree, we decided that with next year's invitation we definitely want to see it lit up. Matteo, like his mommy, loves Christmas trees!!  I

 also especially love the large spider sculpture titled Maman that graces the front entrance. I remember visiting many times during the long wait for Matteo wondering if ever I would become a mommy…and of course this time, wondered if I would be blessed again to be another child's mommy. 

We had a good time for the most part, though Matteo was tired.  I'm glad we went and hope to go more often if we can. We threw some coins in one of the fountains and made some special wishes!!

….anyhow the other photos are of our gingerbread house decorating and then of course, our new kittens. The bonding is definitely going very well with us and especially Matteo. We're still working on the other cats though. 

For now, our holiday has been quiet, a bit more difficult than I would have liked, considering that I had visions of two children this Christmas, but it has been going as well for the most part. I hope the same for all of you!