Monday, August 31, 2015
Sunday, August 30, 2015
On our way home soon!!
Well so so grateful that we were able to get three seats on a September 1st flight instead of September 9. I knew the travel agency was open on Saturday, though I thought it was only half a day…I tried to stay up until midnight last night which would have been around 1:00 in Ottawa….but couldn't and trusted if there was a message in the morning then all would be well. Well I woke up at about 2:30 smelling burnt toast…so I got up to check to make sure all was fine…I decided to check email before going back to bed and so so glad I did because there was a message letting me know of the new seats but asking me to confirm by 4:00 pm Canada time …and from my calculations it was 3:30 in the afternoon in Canada…I quickly sent off my message and prayed she was still there…as her message had come in at around midnight here (instincts)…anyhow all to say, it was amazing that I woke up and then could get these tickets as she said she couldn't guarantee they'd still be available on Monday!!
…so all to say we are thrilled and so need a dose of home….still having struggles with Matteo, two steps forward three back…he needs some familiarity and so do I…though it will all be new to Malia!!…Anyhow this will probably be my last post from Vietnam…have packed most of our things…tomorrow we head off with a few other families to pick up Canadian passport and then Vietnamese passport ….plan to say my goodbyes and then get everyone washed and to bed and then I will do the final closing of suitcases or final planning…we don't have to leave too early, can probably head to the airport around 8:30 ish….if all goes well we'll be arriving in Ottawa just before midnight!
…..The last couple of days I tried to accept that we might be here until the 9th so started to accept that and then decided we would lounge by the pool. Malia loves the water, and the lessons I set up with Matteo were great as he learned a few things…esp. going under water etc….small preparations for some fall swimming lessons….and again great to also have a group of families that kind of became our home base away from home…I thought I would be the last of the group to head out but now it looks like we're going to be the first family…many are leaving on the 4 and 5 and on the 7th, so the 9th for us was LONG but the only availability when we booked….
….Anyhow we came early and we did do a lot and up until Malia's adoption Matteo was really doing quite well as a traveller though he worried about taxis etc..and being able to get back….sadly his small fears turned out to be a reality in terms of the situation with the iPhone which in reality I think may have been lifted from my purse by an unlicensed and fraudulent Vinasun cab….do be aware that there are fakes out there…I didn't know that…but did make a bad decision….lesson learned…so the only downside was the loss of the phone but everything else in relation to any worries and fears about Malia Nhi have fallen by the wayside…we still have a ways to go with bonding and attachment but I think we've started out well!…so that is the biggest plus…and of course hope that Matteo will soon be able to feel better about the major change we're experiencing with our family!
So for now, I suspect the next post will be from Canada….thanks to those who have been following….I have lots of photos that I hope to add here, that I have added on my Facebook….it really has been an amazing 4 weeks!!
Ending off with a great moment I shared with my kids after dinner last night. They both love to colour and look at books!!
…so all to say we are thrilled and so need a dose of home….still having struggles with Matteo, two steps forward three back…he needs some familiarity and so do I…though it will all be new to Malia!!…Anyhow this will probably be my last post from Vietnam…have packed most of our things…tomorrow we head off with a few other families to pick up Canadian passport and then Vietnamese passport ….plan to say my goodbyes and then get everyone washed and to bed and then I will do the final closing of suitcases or final planning…we don't have to leave too early, can probably head to the airport around 8:30 ish….if all goes well we'll be arriving in Ottawa just before midnight!
…..The last couple of days I tried to accept that we might be here until the 9th so started to accept that and then decided we would lounge by the pool. Malia loves the water, and the lessons I set up with Matteo were great as he learned a few things…esp. going under water etc….small preparations for some fall swimming lessons….and again great to also have a group of families that kind of became our home base away from home…I thought I would be the last of the group to head out but now it looks like we're going to be the first family…many are leaving on the 4 and 5 and on the 7th, so the 9th for us was LONG but the only availability when we booked….
….Anyhow we came early and we did do a lot and up until Malia's adoption Matteo was really doing quite well as a traveller though he worried about taxis etc..and being able to get back….sadly his small fears turned out to be a reality in terms of the situation with the iPhone which in reality I think may have been lifted from my purse by an unlicensed and fraudulent Vinasun cab….do be aware that there are fakes out there…I didn't know that…but did make a bad decision….lesson learned…so the only downside was the loss of the phone but everything else in relation to any worries and fears about Malia Nhi have fallen by the wayside…we still have a ways to go with bonding and attachment but I think we've started out well!…so that is the biggest plus…and of course hope that Matteo will soon be able to feel better about the major change we're experiencing with our family!
So for now, I suspect the next post will be from Canada….thanks to those who have been following….I have lots of photos that I hope to add here, that I have added on my Facebook….it really has been an amazing 4 weeks!!
Ending off with a great moment I shared with my kids after dinner last night. They both love to colour and look at books!!
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Matteo Bao, my beautiful son….
….and yet by far today was the toughest day with his behaviour and I think Mamma is part to blame….there have been some great moments of Matteo and Malia playing together and Matteo letting go of any of his fears that he will lose mommy and other moments and today, hours, where Matteo becomes extreme and almost even cruel with his behaviour towards us. I have been trying to be generous with him and very flexible….we're on holidays so to speak too….but I think in this circumstance he needs a bit more structure than I've been giving him especially with the change….today (and even yesterday) but worse today, when I was trying to speak to another couple who also adopted, Matteo just couldn't do enough things to distract me…some of his behaviour was rude and disrespectful and he isn't those things under normal circumstances….but he was…..
….anyhow I've decided to start to give as much structure to his day as needed for him to feel more secure in this environment but also to help him transition back to getting ready for school….he needs an afternoon rest (we all do)…so when Malia naps he will have a quiet time in one of the other rooms (both of which are now his) though he is now sleeping again in the master bedroom with Malia in the crib and sharing the big bed with Mamma….(today Malia even chose her crib for her nap!) and we had a great sleep last night and Malia did not wake up even once…I heard some noises from her on a couple of occasions but she and all of us slept in until 7!!
…anyhow Matteo I hope will allow himself to accept his little sister who has much in common with him and is already showing she can stand up to him too!…but Matteo seems to fight it, almost as if he is trying hard to find reasons not to accept her?? and yet tonight when I asked him if he wanted us to brush our teeth together or if he wanted to do that later before his bedtime…he at first said he'd do it later and then said -- "we're a family so we should brush our teeth together like a family"….so these glimmers of loveliness, have only been glimmers, many time outs today and quiet times and tears and shouts surround the glimmers of loveliness….so for now in addition to finding out Malia's Canadian passport will be ready on Monday, I will hang on to these glimmers.
I think we all need a dose of home to help us get through the transition phase to the reality of living as a family of three!
….anyhow I've decided to start to give as much structure to his day as needed for him to feel more secure in this environment but also to help him transition back to getting ready for school….he needs an afternoon rest (we all do)…so when Malia naps he will have a quiet time in one of the other rooms (both of which are now his) though he is now sleeping again in the master bedroom with Malia in the crib and sharing the big bed with Mamma….(today Malia even chose her crib for her nap!) and we had a great sleep last night and Malia did not wake up even once…I heard some noises from her on a couple of occasions but she and all of us slept in until 7!!
…anyhow Matteo I hope will allow himself to accept his little sister who has much in common with him and is already showing she can stand up to him too!…but Matteo seems to fight it, almost as if he is trying hard to find reasons not to accept her?? and yet tonight when I asked him if he wanted us to brush our teeth together or if he wanted to do that later before his bedtime…he at first said he'd do it later and then said -- "we're a family so we should brush our teeth together like a family"….so these glimmers of loveliness, have only been glimmers, many time outs today and quiet times and tears and shouts surround the glimmers of loveliness….so for now in addition to finding out Malia's Canadian passport will be ready on Monday, I will hang on to these glimmers.
I think we all need a dose of home to help us get through the transition phase to the reality of living as a family of three!
Passport ready on Monday.
…just got the confirmation that the Canadian passport will be ready for pick up Monday afternoon so we are free to travel home as of Tuesday (Vietnamese is available today)…so if you're a praying person, please pray that 3 seats open up for us so we can return early!
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Feeling better, some special plans and a few breakthroughs for my children
Well I'm feeling better about the phone loss but so grateful that I have most of the most important photos, those taken at the orphanage, though I know my sister took lots too….but it is what is most valuable on the phone, those photos and yes would have loved to have the puppet show too ( I was thinking at the show that this was probably the last cultural event we would be taking part in on this trip though who knows), but so far no action on the phone (so no photos) though I have disabled it and/or Find my Phone has been processed but cannot activate until someone tries to connect the phone to the internet?
Anyhow this morning awoke feeling vulnerable and was going to change our plan to go to Ben Thanh market one more time (we may go again) and was nervous but realized I needed to get back on the horse again so to speak!….So we went and found most of what we were looking for…we stayed mostly in the "set price" area and know a few of the spots we like…it is a vibrant market but it is the aggressiveness of some of the sellers that can be overwhelming for sure…we brought the stroller and snacks and did fine…were only there for about 90 minutes but both Matteo and Malia did well….anyhow afterwards we came home for lunch and a nap for Malia and a snuggle for me and Matteo …..I was going to sleep myself with Malia as last night after her yesterday's nap night terror, I decided to not transfer into her bed but let her sleep in the big bed…there were no night terrors but gosh does she move so much….and of course I didn't sleep well. For her nap again she was in the big bed and boy did she move. When she woke up at the bottom of the bed I explained or tried to explain how she moves all over while she sleeps and I'm worried she might fall off the bed this is why I need her to sleep in the crib…I pointed to the floor and the crib and she seemed to get it but also nodded her head no but smiled too….In the last few days I asked Matteo to at times play in the crib so he climbs in and she follows him, so she has been getting more comfortable in it…after her nap today again she went in to play and look at the stuffies and doll that are usually in there…she climbs in and out…she was proud of the fact that she could climb into her crib at the orphanage though I'm not sure she was also climbing out…but here as the crib is flush with the bed and the side is down she can go in and out so if she is feeling trapped somehow she knows she can climb out….
…in the afternoon we went to the pool and Malia knew exactly what her bathing suit meant….this time I also brought the floaties and without asking her twice she raised her hands and let me put it on her….I really hope I, or someone is able to take some photos of her in the pool, as I'd like these special photo memories too….she really does enjoy the pool and when we went into the baby pool and she could walk around and touch the bottom I could see she was thrilled….she wanted to stay longer but the water was cooler today and I could see she was shivering…but a good third time at the pool and second day of getting into the water with me and Matteo…..for Matteo we finally spoke to this lovely young man who we have seen around the pool giving lessons to the children and discovered, happily, that he speaks English…so we asked if he had time to give some lessons to Matteo…he said yes but his schedule is busy…so he might have some time tomorrow but we are firmly booked on Saturday morning….Matteo was thrilled... so a good day so far with some breakthroughs of trust for Malia and some special planning for Matteo.
…we also found out the the Minion movie is coming to the Somerset HCMC…they have movie nights for children and this is the movie that Matteo and I wanted to go to before we came to Vietnam, but couldn't find the time….so on Friday he will go to a conference room here that turns into a movie theatre for children with popcorn and (noise)….I'll have Malia in the stroller and she how she fares with it…otherwise we will stroll in the lobby area…..so another fun activity mostly for Matteo….
…anyhow the biggest breakthrough came at bedtime for Malia (and maybe a little for Matteo too)…. as we were getting ready for our sleep routine….has she ever picked up on this quick….(by the way she is now able to point to her nose and mouth when I ask where these are!!!)….anyhow I explained to her that after she falls asleep I will transfer her into the crib because I don't want her to fall out….I've been telling her that every evening though not sure she understood before tonight….so I told her it would be better if she just got into the crib to sleep ….she did not nod "no" but instead started to climb…I reassured her I would sleep by the crib so if she wakes up I would be there and she is safe…I grabbed the big pillow where she sometimes is propped to drink her milk and she got into her crib willingly…drank her milk, then played a bit with the animal stuffies and the doll…I pretended to give each kisses and she followed suit and even did some hugging…she has not been very warm to the doll or the stuffies but I think that is because I could not see any of these at all at her orphanage…but she kept taking them out, putting them in, changing the pillow around, I lay on the bed outside the crib and sang the usual songs I sing…Matteo came to lie down with us (he has not wanted to try to sleep in the same room as he doesn't like her crying and/or screaming….(it has been loud at times)…it took a bit longer for her to fall asleep only really because I moved up her bedtime by half an hour, but it was great for her to play around and get comfortable etc….she finally fell asleep and when I turned back to Matteo, my other little one had fallen asleep too….so mommy had a bit of extra down time tonight…
….the only not so good thing about today was finding out that the Canadian consulate has not heard from Singapore yet on the passport..once they hear from Singapore it will take two working days to get the passport….so it seems that we will not get the Canadian one this week….we knew it was a long shot as the average these days is about 7 working days…we applied last Thursday…so??? for now will add a couple of photos I took with my phone booth photo app. on my computer. The siblings continue to struggle, mostly Matteo with his relationship with his sister but there are moments like this after dinner tonight where they were mostly together, not playing together, but at least sharing the markers and some space.
Anyhow this morning awoke feeling vulnerable and was going to change our plan to go to Ben Thanh market one more time (we may go again) and was nervous but realized I needed to get back on the horse again so to speak!….So we went and found most of what we were looking for…we stayed mostly in the "set price" area and know a few of the spots we like…it is a vibrant market but it is the aggressiveness of some of the sellers that can be overwhelming for sure…we brought the stroller and snacks and did fine…were only there for about 90 minutes but both Matteo and Malia did well….anyhow afterwards we came home for lunch and a nap for Malia and a snuggle for me and Matteo …..I was going to sleep myself with Malia as last night after her yesterday's nap night terror, I decided to not transfer into her bed but let her sleep in the big bed…there were no night terrors but gosh does she move so much….and of course I didn't sleep well. For her nap again she was in the big bed and boy did she move. When she woke up at the bottom of the bed I explained or tried to explain how she moves all over while she sleeps and I'm worried she might fall off the bed this is why I need her to sleep in the crib…I pointed to the floor and the crib and she seemed to get it but also nodded her head no but smiled too….In the last few days I asked Matteo to at times play in the crib so he climbs in and she follows him, so she has been getting more comfortable in it…after her nap today again she went in to play and look at the stuffies and doll that are usually in there…she climbs in and out…she was proud of the fact that she could climb into her crib at the orphanage though I'm not sure she was also climbing out…but here as the crib is flush with the bed and the side is down she can go in and out so if she is feeling trapped somehow she knows she can climb out….
…in the afternoon we went to the pool and Malia knew exactly what her bathing suit meant….this time I also brought the floaties and without asking her twice she raised her hands and let me put it on her….I really hope I, or someone is able to take some photos of her in the pool, as I'd like these special photo memories too….she really does enjoy the pool and when we went into the baby pool and she could walk around and touch the bottom I could see she was thrilled….she wanted to stay longer but the water was cooler today and I could see she was shivering…but a good third time at the pool and second day of getting into the water with me and Matteo…..for Matteo we finally spoke to this lovely young man who we have seen around the pool giving lessons to the children and discovered, happily, that he speaks English…so we asked if he had time to give some lessons to Matteo…he said yes but his schedule is busy…so he might have some time tomorrow but we are firmly booked on Saturday morning….Matteo was thrilled... so a good day so far with some breakthroughs of trust for Malia and some special planning for Matteo.
…we also found out the the Minion movie is coming to the Somerset HCMC…they have movie nights for children and this is the movie that Matteo and I wanted to go to before we came to Vietnam, but couldn't find the time….so on Friday he will go to a conference room here that turns into a movie theatre for children with popcorn and (noise)….I'll have Malia in the stroller and she how she fares with it…otherwise we will stroll in the lobby area…..so another fun activity mostly for Matteo….
…anyhow the biggest breakthrough came at bedtime for Malia (and maybe a little for Matteo too)…. as we were getting ready for our sleep routine….has she ever picked up on this quick….(by the way she is now able to point to her nose and mouth when I ask where these are!!!)….anyhow I explained to her that after she falls asleep I will transfer her into the crib because I don't want her to fall out….I've been telling her that every evening though not sure she understood before tonight….so I told her it would be better if she just got into the crib to sleep ….she did not nod "no" but instead started to climb…I reassured her I would sleep by the crib so if she wakes up I would be there and she is safe…I grabbed the big pillow where she sometimes is propped to drink her milk and she got into her crib willingly…drank her milk, then played a bit with the animal stuffies and the doll…I pretended to give each kisses and she followed suit and even did some hugging…she has not been very warm to the doll or the stuffies but I think that is because I could not see any of these at all at her orphanage…but she kept taking them out, putting them in, changing the pillow around, I lay on the bed outside the crib and sang the usual songs I sing…Matteo came to lie down with us (he has not wanted to try to sleep in the same room as he doesn't like her crying and/or screaming….(it has been loud at times)…it took a bit longer for her to fall asleep only really because I moved up her bedtime by half an hour, but it was great for her to play around and get comfortable etc….she finally fell asleep and when I turned back to Matteo, my other little one had fallen asleep too….so mommy had a bit of extra down time tonight…
….the only not so good thing about today was finding out that the Canadian consulate has not heard from Singapore yet on the passport..once they hear from Singapore it will take two working days to get the passport….so it seems that we will not get the Canadian one this week….we knew it was a long shot as the average these days is about 7 working days…we applied last Thursday…so??? for now will add a couple of photos I took with my phone booth photo app. on my computer. The siblings continue to struggle, mostly Matteo with his relationship with his sister but there are moments like this after dinner tonight where they were mostly together, not playing together, but at least sharing the markers and some space.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Okay we're ready for home now….
…today by far has felt like the most stressful of days so far….my iPhone was lost and/or stolen this evening…not sure which one…but that's how our evening ended….so if it didn't slip off my lap and onto the back floor of the cab then it was stolen from my purse right from under my nose!!…so there may not be any more photos for the duration of our trip!!
…we were at the amazing water puppet show and I got some amazing photos that are on the phone….all of my other photos from this trip because of iCloud (THANKyou Apple) are streamed and saved on my computer which I was so so so so happy to see…but losing the phone in the way I did was pretty stressful, made me feel so vulnerable and not the best choice I made for me and my kids….after the water puppet show we stayed a bit behind as we ended up buying a small wooden puppet toy….so when we came out of the theatre the line up of cabs that was usually there, wasn't …instead there were two cabs that we did not want to take and then one cab from the recommended company but the cab driver was one that we had before and he did not bring us into our hotel but left us outside…while we didn't like it, it wasn't like he took us for a ride around town as sometimes happens…anyhow there were no other cabs in site it was dark at six o'clock and I had two children needing dinner….but really it was not a good decision as I should have waited and flagged down a cab so that we could be as safe as possible…anyhow my phone was out as we have not been out at night as much and it is dark at 6 o'clock here….so was taking some night shots…Matteo on my lap, Malia beside me then at one point Malia wanted on my lap too…I remember putting the iPhone on my lap and then we were at the hotel and before I knew it had to pay…I can't remember if I did put the phone in my purse or not, but trying to get Matteo to sit on the seat, Malia to wait beside me while I paid..this cab driver didn't want a tip, only exact change but at one point as I didn't understand he wrote the number on a part of a newspaper and flagged the newspaper in my face, tried to help me with my money in my wallet…they try to do that here sometimes…..I told him to stay out of my wallet but the newspaper was distracting…either I forgot my cell on my lap and it slid off int he confusion of getting out of the cab in the dark…or I did put it in my purse and this cab driver was crafty in getting me all confused and flustered and then reaching into my purse…I think it is the former but not sure anymore…anyhow dinner was not as enjoyable….it was just the vulnerability that I felt and still feel that I don't like….I've locked my phone via the iCloud "find my phone feature"…the hotel is trying to track down the cab….Matteo has been good with noticing the numbers on the cabs so do hope he remembered it correctly???….and Malia was in a great mood despite my bad mood and Matteo's bad mood too….she was giving me kisses!!
…anyhow the other thing that happened during nap time Malia experienced what I think was a night terror….it was not nice to watch and it really scared me….I have not seen this extreme since we became a family…she sometimes whimpers in her sleep and then makes some noises, but this was definitely a terror, crying, screaming, breathing heavy, sweating….I know these can be brought out by stress and just before nap time I was starting our packing of things that were not necessary right now and was going through the clothes that the orphanage gave Malia. She wanted to wear some of the outfits so as I packed I changed her and/or added a new top on top of the old one…I wasn't sure about the clothes and did worry that the smell of the clothes might trigger some memories etc….and I know before nap she also was behaving a bit like her first day with us before we started to work on her sign language etc….where she was refusing to try to use the sign etc….anyhow it was just odd and hope we have a quiet night….so after that I was really looking forward to the water puppet show…we had great seats up front (Thanks Joanne S. for that recommendation) and got splashed a few times…Malia was mesmerized…Matteo not so much…..but it was to have been our last tourist type outing and after the stressful afternoon was looking forward to some puppetry!
…..anyhow the water puppet show was amazing and I got lots of great photos…if karma is on our side, we'll get the phone back and be able to post them, otherwise there won't be any new photos for the remaining days!! But that was the plan for this evening, to upload some of those photos and then of course to hopefully have a quiet night….no photos so hope we have a quiet night and get one out of two at least!
…So yes tonight (Vietnam time) I really feel like I want to go home!
…we were at the amazing water puppet show and I got some amazing photos that are on the phone….all of my other photos from this trip because of iCloud (THANKyou Apple) are streamed and saved on my computer which I was so so so so happy to see…but losing the phone in the way I did was pretty stressful, made me feel so vulnerable and not the best choice I made for me and my kids….after the water puppet show we stayed a bit behind as we ended up buying a small wooden puppet toy….so when we came out of the theatre the line up of cabs that was usually there, wasn't …instead there were two cabs that we did not want to take and then one cab from the recommended company but the cab driver was one that we had before and he did not bring us into our hotel but left us outside…while we didn't like it, it wasn't like he took us for a ride around town as sometimes happens…anyhow there were no other cabs in site it was dark at six o'clock and I had two children needing dinner….but really it was not a good decision as I should have waited and flagged down a cab so that we could be as safe as possible…anyhow my phone was out as we have not been out at night as much and it is dark at 6 o'clock here….so was taking some night shots…Matteo on my lap, Malia beside me then at one point Malia wanted on my lap too…I remember putting the iPhone on my lap and then we were at the hotel and before I knew it had to pay…I can't remember if I did put the phone in my purse or not, but trying to get Matteo to sit on the seat, Malia to wait beside me while I paid..this cab driver didn't want a tip, only exact change but at one point as I didn't understand he wrote the number on a part of a newspaper and flagged the newspaper in my face, tried to help me with my money in my wallet…they try to do that here sometimes…..I told him to stay out of my wallet but the newspaper was distracting…either I forgot my cell on my lap and it slid off int he confusion of getting out of the cab in the dark…or I did put it in my purse and this cab driver was crafty in getting me all confused and flustered and then reaching into my purse…I think it is the former but not sure anymore…anyhow dinner was not as enjoyable….it was just the vulnerability that I felt and still feel that I don't like….I've locked my phone via the iCloud "find my phone feature"…the hotel is trying to track down the cab….Matteo has been good with noticing the numbers on the cabs so do hope he remembered it correctly???….and Malia was in a great mood despite my bad mood and Matteo's bad mood too….she was giving me kisses!!
…anyhow the other thing that happened during nap time Malia experienced what I think was a night terror….it was not nice to watch and it really scared me….I have not seen this extreme since we became a family…she sometimes whimpers in her sleep and then makes some noises, but this was definitely a terror, crying, screaming, breathing heavy, sweating….I know these can be brought out by stress and just before nap time I was starting our packing of things that were not necessary right now and was going through the clothes that the orphanage gave Malia. She wanted to wear some of the outfits so as I packed I changed her and/or added a new top on top of the old one…I wasn't sure about the clothes and did worry that the smell of the clothes might trigger some memories etc….and I know before nap she also was behaving a bit like her first day with us before we started to work on her sign language etc….where she was refusing to try to use the sign etc….anyhow it was just odd and hope we have a quiet night….so after that I was really looking forward to the water puppet show…we had great seats up front (Thanks Joanne S. for that recommendation) and got splashed a few times…Malia was mesmerized…Matteo not so much…..but it was to have been our last tourist type outing and after the stressful afternoon was looking forward to some puppetry!
…..anyhow the water puppet show was amazing and I got lots of great photos…if karma is on our side, we'll get the phone back and be able to post them, otherwise there won't be any new photos for the remaining days!! But that was the plan for this evening, to upload some of those photos and then of course to hopefully have a quiet night….no photos so hope we have a quiet night and get one out of two at least!
…So yes tonight (Vietnam time) I really feel like I want to go home!
Monday, August 24, 2015
Malia Nhi….
Well it has a been a busy week here in HCMC for adoptions…there are three families from Ireland who are in the process of waiting for post-adoption paperwork to process - passports and such and three Canadian families with out TDH agency that also completed adoptions last week and are in the process of awaiting passports and such…that is that I know of….so it is great to be here and to get to know some of these families….sometimes life long bonds come from these beginnings!…..I was sad to learn that the process for adoptions in Ireland is also plagued with many delays and bureaucratic mumble jumbles……another single parent here also completing her second adoption took 8 years…her 10 year old was 2 when she started the process….so those of us in Canada can compare and in many instances our 4 years pale in comparison!!
….anyhow have been wanting to write but of course a combination of trying to settle into somewhat of a rhythm and adjustment both to the addition of a new person in our family as well as my sister's absence and tiredness have plagued me. I really don't feel that my tiredness has a lot to do with the children and more with the emotional exhaustion of the worry and fret of the adoption process coming really to an end…I will now worry and fret over my children but I will never again have to await anyone else's decision on the structure of my family!! We have been on our own for about 4 days now and really feel blessed that Malia is really doing so well….Matteo has had some very rough moments including tonight which was the roughest and after crying and screaming about how hard it was and then talking…somehow he got some of his frustrations out about sharing mommy and also feeling like he was losing me somehow…..after this episode, just before bedtime my two little ones were playing and jumping around in mommy's bedroom and playing "together" for the first time!!….I didn't dare say anything, just enjoyed listening to them laughing….!!!!
….I am continually in awe of the whole adoption process, frustrated by it but also humbled by it and in the end feel so strongly that while it would have been in the best interests of these children to be in the loving arms of their birth families; however, that not being the journey they were on, then Malia, like Matteo before her has come to the right family where her needs and ours have been met in a connection I could never have imagined. My two are so much alike in some ways and I think, given time, will have a wonderful relationship. Malia is so smart…she is blowing kisses and already knows at least 6 different expressions in sign language that we are using already. She understands so much of what I ask of her and she is able to express her needs so well. She also is learning some English already…when I point to nose, ears, eyes and mouth…she points to hers and repeats words…she does that with other things too…she is not yet using the English but is definitely understanding connections…..
…when we're at home in the apartment she is laughing and singing and feels very much at home and her personality is wide open…when we're out and about, her grim face comes on and she becomes the observer looking and taking in everything around her. She is also starting to feel comfortable with people around the hotel that we see often..the restaurant staff know Matteo by name and as our hotel is very near the pool and restaurant, this has come in handy and Matteo has been able to walk to the restaurant with our room service order (our phone is sometimes working and sometimes not)….and he has felt very responsible when he has done that….we also worked out an arrangement with the restaurant that when we order from them, we could also borrow a high chair and we'd put it outside with the dishes when we were done…this has helped so much…Malia is able to eat on her own but is baby enough that I also try to feed her to bond with her and to know how much she is eating…she still is on formula so this is great for bonding…..the restaurant staff has been wonderful to welcome her but she's not there yet with being comfortable with them but is comfortable enough that we can still go to breakfast…she can sit in her high chair while I get our food from the breakfast buffet…of course I choose a table where she is close…but in the first couple of days if she didn't see me she would start crying….now she is fine for a few minutes not seeing me….though she still follows me around in the apartment from room to room and will sit and play in the kitchen when I'm doing dishes or getting lunch ready…
Our only issue is at bedtime but even this I can't complain about…she refused to get in the crib or have me leave the room before she was fully asleep…we were co-sleeping and Matteo moved into the third bedroom as he could not handle her crying..(now he's in zia's bedroom)…and Malia was sleeping in the big bed with me…this went well for two nights where she hardly moved in bed…but I guess as she relaxed more she started to move a lot in bed (like Matteo) and on the third night she had kicked the pillows on the edge away and she was close to the edge…of course I had a sleepless night keeping my eye on her that she wouldn't fall off the bed…and realized this was not going to work..so I have now propped her crib along the bed, folded down one side (which is what these cribs here can do) and Mali can easily climb out of in onto the bed but when she's asleep in it, she is protected and yes does move around still….she usually wakes up once a night and starts to whimper that she is in the crib (the first night she screamed when I tried to put her in)..and when singing and patting I am able to get her back to sleep…she usually wakes early and when it is near morning and I hear her I encourage her to get out of the crib herself so she feels in control and hopefully not trapped by it…and then she nestles in beside me..by then I'm usually awake and she doesn't move as much….however it is at bedtime that we have had the most crying/screaming….on the second night after I had even put her in the big bed, and I hadn't got in yet, and I went to the bathroom well did we hear screams…so she doesn't go into the big bed until we're all ready for bed…anyhow I am still trying different things and realize that things might have to be changed for what we were planning at home but this I knew already….
….all the worries and fears of the transition for us anyhow have gone so much better and feel grateful for that….from talking and even seeing the others, I know that wasn't the case…one of the other little boys was still crying all the time and looked like a rag doll when he was out with his parents and older brother and yesterday it was so wonderful to see him laughing and playing in the pool with his brother and father……grieving takes many forms….I think Malia's grieving happens at night…I hear her crying in her sleep and then she stops….these children go through so much….Malia as I mentioned in my last blog post left the orphanage and never looked back…she shows me daily how happy she is that she is experiencing what she is and there is so much laughter….(hoping to catch some photos of this)….this of course has made this transition so wonderful for us….giving me more time to try to help Matteo deal with his grief too at our family changing dramatically and for ever.
Anyhow I'm glad to have had the energy tonight to update everyone who has been wondering how we're faring….really we are better than we could have imagined but are under no illusions that there will be challenges ahead. For me the really challenge will be when I return to being a working single mom next year…but for now, I'll just treasure this time that we have to transition and enjoy the change in our family in the best way we can.
Thank you for the comments and messages from those who have posted. I hope to continue to blog as we continue to wait for our Vietnamese and Canadian passports. For now I am leaving you with my new favourite photo of Malia Nhi, her blowing kisses to me. So from our home away from home to yours we're sending you kisses.
….anyhow have been wanting to write but of course a combination of trying to settle into somewhat of a rhythm and adjustment both to the addition of a new person in our family as well as my sister's absence and tiredness have plagued me. I really don't feel that my tiredness has a lot to do with the children and more with the emotional exhaustion of the worry and fret of the adoption process coming really to an end…I will now worry and fret over my children but I will never again have to await anyone else's decision on the structure of my family!! We have been on our own for about 4 days now and really feel blessed that Malia is really doing so well….Matteo has had some very rough moments including tonight which was the roughest and after crying and screaming about how hard it was and then talking…somehow he got some of his frustrations out about sharing mommy and also feeling like he was losing me somehow…..after this episode, just before bedtime my two little ones were playing and jumping around in mommy's bedroom and playing "together" for the first time!!….I didn't dare say anything, just enjoyed listening to them laughing….!!!!
….I am continually in awe of the whole adoption process, frustrated by it but also humbled by it and in the end feel so strongly that while it would have been in the best interests of these children to be in the loving arms of their birth families; however, that not being the journey they were on, then Malia, like Matteo before her has come to the right family where her needs and ours have been met in a connection I could never have imagined. My two are so much alike in some ways and I think, given time, will have a wonderful relationship. Malia is so smart…she is blowing kisses and already knows at least 6 different expressions in sign language that we are using already. She understands so much of what I ask of her and she is able to express her needs so well. She also is learning some English already…when I point to nose, ears, eyes and mouth…she points to hers and repeats words…she does that with other things too…she is not yet using the English but is definitely understanding connections…..
…when we're at home in the apartment she is laughing and singing and feels very much at home and her personality is wide open…when we're out and about, her grim face comes on and she becomes the observer looking and taking in everything around her. She is also starting to feel comfortable with people around the hotel that we see often..the restaurant staff know Matteo by name and as our hotel is very near the pool and restaurant, this has come in handy and Matteo has been able to walk to the restaurant with our room service order (our phone is sometimes working and sometimes not)….and he has felt very responsible when he has done that….we also worked out an arrangement with the restaurant that when we order from them, we could also borrow a high chair and we'd put it outside with the dishes when we were done…this has helped so much…Malia is able to eat on her own but is baby enough that I also try to feed her to bond with her and to know how much she is eating…she still is on formula so this is great for bonding…..the restaurant staff has been wonderful to welcome her but she's not there yet with being comfortable with them but is comfortable enough that we can still go to breakfast…she can sit in her high chair while I get our food from the breakfast buffet…of course I choose a table where she is close…but in the first couple of days if she didn't see me she would start crying….now she is fine for a few minutes not seeing me….though she still follows me around in the apartment from room to room and will sit and play in the kitchen when I'm doing dishes or getting lunch ready…
Our only issue is at bedtime but even this I can't complain about…she refused to get in the crib or have me leave the room before she was fully asleep…we were co-sleeping and Matteo moved into the third bedroom as he could not handle her crying..(now he's in zia's bedroom)…and Malia was sleeping in the big bed with me…this went well for two nights where she hardly moved in bed…but I guess as she relaxed more she started to move a lot in bed (like Matteo) and on the third night she had kicked the pillows on the edge away and she was close to the edge…of course I had a sleepless night keeping my eye on her that she wouldn't fall off the bed…and realized this was not going to work..so I have now propped her crib along the bed, folded down one side (which is what these cribs here can do) and Mali can easily climb out of in onto the bed but when she's asleep in it, she is protected and yes does move around still….she usually wakes up once a night and starts to whimper that she is in the crib (the first night she screamed when I tried to put her in)..and when singing and patting I am able to get her back to sleep…she usually wakes early and when it is near morning and I hear her I encourage her to get out of the crib herself so she feels in control and hopefully not trapped by it…and then she nestles in beside me..by then I'm usually awake and she doesn't move as much….however it is at bedtime that we have had the most crying/screaming….on the second night after I had even put her in the big bed, and I hadn't got in yet, and I went to the bathroom well did we hear screams…so she doesn't go into the big bed until we're all ready for bed…anyhow I am still trying different things and realize that things might have to be changed for what we were planning at home but this I knew already….
….all the worries and fears of the transition for us anyhow have gone so much better and feel grateful for that….from talking and even seeing the others, I know that wasn't the case…one of the other little boys was still crying all the time and looked like a rag doll when he was out with his parents and older brother and yesterday it was so wonderful to see him laughing and playing in the pool with his brother and father……grieving takes many forms….I think Malia's grieving happens at night…I hear her crying in her sleep and then she stops….these children go through so much….Malia as I mentioned in my last blog post left the orphanage and never looked back…she shows me daily how happy she is that she is experiencing what she is and there is so much laughter….(hoping to catch some photos of this)….this of course has made this transition so wonderful for us….giving me more time to try to help Matteo deal with his grief too at our family changing dramatically and for ever.
Anyhow I'm glad to have had the energy tonight to update everyone who has been wondering how we're faring….really we are better than we could have imagined but are under no illusions that there will be challenges ahead. For me the really challenge will be when I return to being a working single mom next year…but for now, I'll just treasure this time that we have to transition and enjoy the change in our family in the best way we can.
Thank you for the comments and messages from those who have posted. I hope to continue to blog as we continue to wait for our Vietnamese and Canadian passports. For now I am leaving you with my new favourite photo of Malia Nhi, her blowing kisses to me. So from our home away from home to yours we're sending you kisses.
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